This family's being torn apart..........

Mine that is, mother insists on fighting with my father everyday, and I'm about tired of it, Mother blames it all on father just cause he wants to be a woman, their constantly fighting, Sis doesn't like it, and I have to comfort her, Matt is always SAYING he's going to get me to beat him up and say child abuse and blame them, Our life is a wreck, as Roshelle on "Everybody Hates Chris" would say, I'm about to beat the **** out of them.

Welcome to SC's therapy group. But, if you want and expert, ask PhilZX. He fixes your problems. /insidejoke

Sounds pretty nasty though... Gotta hate it. I'll pray for your family.

Right, because praying is really going to work.

I wish I could help you out, but being over the internet, this is rather difficult to do. So, I'll just sit back here and hope for the best for your family.

Ryuujin said:

Right, because praying is really going to work.

It helped me with my family problems...

omg... I sure do hope for the best, bud.

So...your father wants a sex change?

Well, I can understand why your mother would be...a hotbed of negative emotions about this. I mean, she is his wife.

I take it your father cross dresses, wears make-up, etc.?

I can see how this would be destroyin' your family. Whenever somebody wants to be the opposite gender it almost always causes the family much stress & hardship.

The best thing to do is try to ignore it, turn up the music or tv when you hear them. Takes your little siblings to a place where they won't have to witness their fights so they won't be exposed to it as much.

And I don't mean to sound insensitive here, but it sounds like your parents will eventually get divorced so you need to get yourself & your siblings ready for that.

Good luck & sorry I couldn't be of anymore help.

I have to agree with Coach on this one.

Get your siblings out of the house/into your room or something, distract them with music/games/movies, and I'm not sure just how old you are, or what your relationship to your parents is like;

but if this gets worse, and it really does start taking a MASSIVE toll on you & your siblings, get your sibliings focused on something in another room, sit your parents down, and make them listen to just how much their fighting is effecting their kids. It may not work, but unless you bring it to their attention, they're going to be so self-consumed with their own problems, they wont be able to see the effect its having on you guys.

It all depends on what type of people your parents are, but maybe just reminding them that they're scaring the little ones would make them at least fight more discreetly.

ok man im sory for you no one should have to live live that. im ganna tell my youth grup to pray for you. if you nead help go to. gracefamilychurch.tv .we have poeple that will help even if it is just a call.or you can email.stehpanie at. [email protected] hope you famly gets better . you might whana tell her that seth sead to email her hope i helped or you can email me at [email protected] and ill try to help

« Last edited by umbra2994 on Mar 10th 2010 »

I don't really think religion needs to step in...

for him to vent. but do you have any better ideas

« Last edited by umbra2994 on Mar 10th 2010 »

People use other people to vent, not religion.

Talk to someone about it. It helps me when I have a problem.

Ryuu - you seem to hold similar philosophies as myself, in regards to this kind of thing, and religion etc.

If you want to vent - vent on here. I'm positive that the more active users here are more than willing to help any other users whenever the need arises.

@sphynxx: I'm 17, and my siblings aren't that young, Matt, my little brother, is 13, and Sierra, my little sister, is now 15, yet she'll sometimes act like she's still 12 :P.

I don't really think telling them that the fighting is what's getting us, Whenever they fight, like, right in the same room were in, I try to step in and break it up, saying that if they say any more, it'll just make it worse, Father seems to know that, Mother just won't shut up about how she "Married a man!, now a woman!" though, she herself admitted that she/we (Can't remember exactly which she said) don't "have the money for a divorce!", I suggested that she stay over our Aunt's for a day or two to cool down, she says that's just what she wants to do, but doesn't do it.

@coach: "I take it your father cross dresses, wears make-up, etc.? "

Yeah, pretty much, He says he's gonna "try and tone down on it when he's done with his current Job till were grown and out of the house" according to him, But Mother, like always, won't let it go, she herself said that if "He can't go 1 day without all this ****, then he'll never be able to 'tone down on it' after the job!!".

ah so your father is more feminine is that what you are saying?and your mother doesnt agree with this and is fighting with you father.

i cant really help a lot at these things but i hope your family gets better.

Espada; I'm going to go out on a limb and ask if your Mother is a very devout, religious woman yeah?

If that's the case, then that would be what is holding your mother back. Christianity, as well as many other religions all teach its followers that the human body is perfect, and should not be altered & should be worshiped (ok, that isn't exactly what they teach - but its near enough for this) & your Mothers love for your Father (which, I'd say she still does love him) is conflicting with her religion.

That (^ up there) is only the case if shes religious.

If she isn't, then there is probably another issue, aside from your fathers gender confusion (which is what it seems to be - not just a man liking womans clothing.)

It also depends on when your parents grew up. A lot of subjects, which (a majority these days) view as mainstream/nothing really abnormal/a part of life & human nature/essence, were of the greatest taboo as near as 35-40 years.

So this could also be against how your mother was raised - which can be linked to religion, or both upbringing and religion.

I've nothing against religion at all, so please, no-one think I'm having a go at any form of organised religion here lol

The only thing I can suggest, given the ages of your brother & sister & yourself. If your parents wont listen, try talking to your favourite uncle, or aunty, if they don't know about your fathers confusion, then its prob not the best idea to bring it up, so if that doesn't work, talk to your school counciller.

I know a lot of young kids (especially a couple of years ago when I was 15 and at school) thought of school councillers & kids that saw them as weak or something, but they're to help with any issue that is troubling you, so if the school offers that service, take it. Talk to your bro & sis & see if they're having troubles with the fighting, and see if they'll go with you to the counciller (if there is one)

If there isn't, ask to see one of the staff & talk to them about possible confidential services that kids can go to for free & seek advice.

It might be religion or something close to it, Mother always brings up the now tired line of "If God wanted you to be a woman and not a man, then he would've done it!".

About how they were raised though, Mother doesn't say much, but she grew up with 9 other brothers and sisters, I think she mentioned one of them was the same as Father, but never really did anything like Father does, one of our uncles, whom we all call "Uncle Sammy", doesn't like what fathers doing, a few of the others don't seem to have a problem with it.

Father though, he said something like he wanted to do this sort of thing since he was a kid, I dunno how old exactly, but he said something around the age of 12-16, I can't remember exactly though.

Right around the time he hit puberty, I would say. So he obviously has some sort of emotional/hormonal problems that he collapsed under the weight of. If he truly wants to be that way then there's nothin' that'll stop him so your family will have to live with it. But, like I said before, your parents will most likely separate over this. Especially with you mom havin' the position about it that she does.

The best thing to do is keep your mind off of it & try to keep the expose down for both yourself & your siblings. It'll eat away at you until you eventually fall apart if you continue on like this & your siblings will no doubt have emotional trauma because of this later on if something isn't done.

Coach is right. Again lol

As for the religion side of things, from what you've said, your mother seems a very devout woman - Nothing will change her mind on this.

As for her upbringing (I was generally referring to the time she grew up, as societal pressures shape how kids grow up) will definitely play a role.

As for your father, if he's known this since his early teens, then this is definitely not a 'choice' in his eyes. It's who he is as a person.

I'd say your dad was also raised in a time where if you weren't considered 'normal' then you were made to be a complete outcast etc, so he would've hid how he felt (just as homosexuals have done for decades) so he didn't have to face that kind of persecution.

He opened up to his wife because the guilt was eating away at him, and his love for his wife would have compelled him to... Its sad that your Mother can't seem to accept this.

As Coach said, & like Coach, I mean no disrespect in saying this; but there is a very high chance your parents will split because of this. Probably not go straight for a divorce, especially not if your parents can't afford it, so prepare yourself, and your siblings as best as you can. Because seperations are hardest hit on the children.