I hate my brother and dad. Do you hate anybody in your family?

I absolutely hate my brother and dad. I'll start with my brother to explain...
My brother just constantly makes fun of me by joking with my dad and makes fun of the "nerdy" things I like, like Pokemon or Yugioh. And makes fun of all my flaws despite anything good I've done. I'm like the Meg of the family when it comes to them.
My brother is older than me, and at random points just to **** me off because he KNOWS that I absolutely hate him, he'll look at me and smile (just saying, his smile is SO ANNOYING that I'd love to punch him in his face.) almost like he's ready to laugh. Since he's never EVER been kind to me, I can easily tell this is just him trying to get on my nerves. He tells his friends about all my flaws and makes up lies about me. He also lies to MY OWN FRIENDS about me which is why I NEVER bring friends to my house. When I get home I just get straight to the computer and talk to the only friends I can afterwards. MY FRIENDS ON THE INTERNET. And even so, my brother calls all these pedophiles and I worry if I get off my computer without closing it or doing something to make sure he can't mess with it, he'll say to my friends random lies. He's a liar, although that's not anything really big, it's just something that makes me worry.

Now about my dad:
He basically gives me artificial love. He buys it from me. I assume I just think he's not so bad after buying me something like cards or a video game. He favors my brother and laughs whenever my brother makes fun of me, and occasionally throughout the day my dad makes fun of me too. They basically double-team me. They make fun of me a lot for the small things too. One time one of the computers at our house got a virus and I love using computers. They instantly assumed it was me (luckily I now have MY OWN Laptop for myself, so they can't make fun of me for whatever happens on this comp.) and said I gave the computer the virus. Well, NO. You see, my brother's own computer is broken from a virus, and he has to use the family one. He's gotten the same virus 4 times and this Laptop has never gotten a virus. So they make fun of me for that one thing a lot oddly enough. Me and my dad have our moments together, and it kind of fades my bad memories of him away. But it's so clear he's doing all of this to maintain some sort of balance that includes me hating him then loving him and then HATING him. I'm just so glad I only see this guy on the weekends...

Now that I've said all of this. Tell me if there's anyone you hate in your family, and if so, why? And tell me what you would love to do to them. (I.E. Punch them in their stupid little face, kick them in the junk, that sort of thing.) It may just give me ideas for what I should do to my brother and father.
I hope this doesn't effect me later in life. ._.

tbh you can't play pokemon and yugioh and not expect to have your brother make fun of you. seriously, i played, and after watching some little kids play, i realized how dumb that card game really is, no offense.

no offense, but i think you're just wining. i make fun of my mom and sister, and vice versa. my mom is a health nut and thinks that advil ruins the stomach lining. she took some advil for a headache and i said, "But wait! As we speak, your stomach lining is being ruined." we all laugh at each other, grow up.

i'd never want to harm my family.

Dark Breloom said:

tbh you can't play pokemon and yugioh and not expect to have your brother make fun of you. seriously, i played, and after watching some little kids play, i realized how dumb that card game really is, no offense.

no offense, but i think you're just wining. i make fun of my mom and sister, and vice versa. my mom is a health nut and thinks that advil ruins the stomach lining. she took some advil for a headache and i said, "But wait! As we speak, your stomach lining is being ruined." we all laugh at each other, grow up.

i'd never want to harm my family.

I admit, I'm a bit of a sensitive person, but my brother does this to the point where it's not even funny, and he should know by now I hate this kind of treatment. And I mean hate it so much that he shouldn't even be doing it. And I can admit, it's hard to like Pokemon or Yugioh without people laughing at you, but SERIOUSLY, what's the point? I hate shooters but I don't make fun of people for liking them. My brother just over does this and it's annoying.

I do think you need to lighten up a bit, but having an older brother of my own, I completely understand that there is a point where it no longer is a joke and just pisses you off. But to say you hate your immediate family? I wouldn't go that far.

There isn't anyone in my family that I hate, but there are many in my immediate and extended families on both sides that I have no respect for and have no need or want to contact ever again, for personal reasons.

steelersrock01 said:

I do think you need to lighten up a bit, but having an older brother of my own, I completely understand that there is a point where it no longer is a joke and just pisses you off. But to say you hate your immediate family? I wouldn't go that far.

There isn't anyone in my family that I hate, but there are many in my immediate and extended families on both sides that I have no respect for and have no need or want to contact ever again, for personal reasons.

Here's something though: Have you and your brother ever, EVER had one moment of actual true happiness together? For example: Have you two shared a laugh together? Not at the other? You see, ever since I was even a little kid, he's been the bane of my existence. I can't express it in words to show how much I hate him to make you understand. I hope someone reading this will understand.

Yeah, we've had some great times together. I'm sorry dude, I just can't understand. How much older is he than you? Maybe he's angry at you because you took attention away from him when you were born, and he holds a grudge.

My post is going to be...less than nice. I'll warn you right now, so don't read it if you don't want to.

I've dealt with a lot of people like yourself. I've dealt with people in worst positions than yourself. A best friend's gf of mine was raped multiple times, sexually abused by many boys in her school, physically abused (and given away by) her mother and father, has a grandmother (whom is the legal guardian) that would give her away in a second, and made fun of by, according to her, "the entire school".

Here's the thing: It's largely her own fault.

Apparently my best friend was the only person to have ever made her happy. She would come to him like every other day with a new problem, in which things could be done to rectify the issue. Something can always be done. She chose to not do anything, she chose to collapse. It quickly got to the point where nobody could pity her because we all realized she was an idiot for not doing something about it.

This is where things to back in to you, Feral. If you're unhappy with a part of your life stop whining and do something about it. It sounds like this has been going on long enough for something to have been done about it. Don't ask me what because I don't even know you. I'm no psychologist and neither is anyone else here.

If you don't change anything you're going to keep on getting the same results.

« Last edited by qwertyuio on Jan 14th 2012 »

Filip;
Spoiler:

Feral - I don't know how old you are, I don't particularly care. There is a couple of options you have. Make of them what you will.

1) Suffer in silence and seek solitude & refuge in a hobby, friends or something of the sort, and when your old enough, get a job, save your money & move as far away from your family as you can.

2) Approach your father & brother whilst they're together and say "I'm sick of you two taking digs at me, lay off, it's really starting to frustrate me. If that doesn't work, then option three;

3) Approach a teacher or student councillor if your school provides that service and go over things with them. They'll be able to help even more.

Qwert, no offence, but you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about and your post is humiliating towards yourself.

As for the topic itself, I get on with pretty much everyone in my family. Can't think of anyone I dislike, or that dislikes me.

I hated my sister for years though. She went through a really horrid phase to the point that both myself and my dad hoped she would just run away and never come back. At the time I just wish she didn't exist...she was a complete embarrassment to our family, but it was all due to her hanging out with the wrong crowd. She's finally grown up somewhat. Over the last two years or so she's been nicer, and I get along with her.

However, she's the younger sibling. I have an older half-brother who I never saw growing up. I would have liked to have seen him but wouldn't have wanted another sibling living in the house (mostly because it would mean I'd have to share a room...and that would certainly have resulted in lots of arguments and whatnot). So I can't really comment on the older brother situation. However, I'd advise against kicking him in the sack, as tempting as it is, because nothing good will come out of it.

I feel that hating someone is ungodly, so I don't hate anyone. Anyways, I love everyone in my family. Some of their choices and behaviors I don't care for, but I still love them.

Oh, Sphynxx, we'd make an excellent couple.

Feral, dunno your "religious standing" (if you wanna put it that way), but I would pray for them. It's free. It doesn't take much time.

And the other part is basically what Sphynxi said. I can understand how you'd be hurting, maybe even terribly frightened, but you should take a small stand and just tell them "Hey look, this bothers me, please don't do XXXXXXX anymore."

As for anything else, I'm fairly ignorant, so I won't suggest anything.

I'll try to be nice...

I don't believe that hating someone is a good thing. I think some family counseling would benefit all of you. My family went through family counseling, and it helped somewhat. We still don't get along perfectly, but at least we can all be in the same room and be nice to one another. I also think you need to lighten up a bit. I'm not saying you don't have valid concerns; I'm just saying if you want to feel better, you need to act. Things won't change until you do. I know it's tough, but don't give up.

Talk to a teacher you trust, or a school counselor, or some other adult.

Going with the 3 options Sphynxx gave you, I chose number one. I suffered in silence, counted my days and years and then as soon as I was old enough to go to university I chose the one furthest away. Now I dont even live in the same country as then.

It's easy to think that you have no way to turn as sometimes you really dont. I was physically and psychologically abused by my mother and bullied at school. My solace was hiding in a place in school and then trying my best at home not to anger my mother. Im emotionally scarred now at 33. But I try to put the past behind me and live. Sometimes its fine, sometimes it creeps up on me and gets me down.

But I think your case is a simple younger brother and favourite son syndrome. You're in the shadow of your older brother. Dont worry though, that will pass, keep it together and Im sure you will find a way to shine in a way thats unique to you. Childhood is difficult yet it should never be. We feel helpless and small and alot of the time its due to someone close to you. Stuff em hun, do what you enjoy as long as it hurts no one.

Aye, fair enough. I realized what I said wasn't the most orthodox thing, and if he doesn't happen to agree with any of it then I don't blame him. =/ It's just what my friends and I have come to know.

Feral -

I want you to know that I created an account on this forum just to answer your question. I found your post when I was searching for a game's quest list. Most of the people who have answered you have been very dismissive of what you're going through, and I wanted to make sure that at least one person answered you with genuine concern and respect.

It is hard to give helpful advice to a person without really knowing them, so please understand that most of this commentary is general and also based on my own experiences which aren't exactly like yours.

I am a geek. I am super smart, I am a chick, I play geeky games, and I have a group of amazing friends who share the same qualities. We are successful people with well-rounded lives who - *gasp* - play card games, video games, board games, and roleplaying games. None of us play Yugioh or Pokemon, but that's 'cause we're not part of your generation. We also go out, party, hang-out, go to concerts, the movies, football games, and have families. My friends range from computer programmers, professors, teachers, physicists, recording artists, lawyers, chefs, volunteers, political activists, and parents. Having fun playing games isn't stupid, and it doesn't have to stop when you're an adult.

People in life are going to pick on you. This doesn't stop when you get older, but it does diminish. There are ignorant people and intolerant people and hurtful people and petty people everywhere. This is much much more common when you're younger, and it's also harder to get away from. You have a limited life as a kid. You don't have money and you don't have the legal right to make your own decisions. However, this changes dramatically when you get out of high school and especially when you graduate college. When you're older, you gain control over what you do, where you live, and who you spend time with - this gives you the power to cut out the people who are toxic and keep the people who truly appreciate you.

Life will get better LATER, but you do have some power to make it better NOW, too. There are different kinds of picking or teasing. Teasing can be playful and loving. Many families and friend circles adopt a sarcastic and picking tone because that's how they are. However, it should be OBVIOUS that it's a joke meant to be shared WITH you, NOT at your expense. They should also provide encouragement and reminders that it is ONLY teasing. However, if you feel that all of these jokes are simply to belittle you, to make you feel bad about yourself, are coercive to make you change your actions or who you are, or to make the person picking on you feel good about themselves, then this is BULLYING, and this is NOT acceptable.

I think your dad is teasing you. I think your brother is bullying you. Let's start with your dad.

Your dad is *probably* teasing you because he doesn't relate to you well. You sound like you only have visitation weekends with him because of a family divorce (this is an assumption, on my part; forgive me if I'm wrong), so that means that he only gets to see you occasionally and thus doesn't have as much time to bond with you and get to know you for you are. This is going to get even harder as you get older and start having a life of your own and have even less time for him. The reverse of that is also true - you don't know HIM as well as you should either. He loves you but he feels awkward because you are sort of a stranger to him and you are getting more and more different as you grow up AND you are avoiding spending time with him on the few weekends you get to visit.

As a kid, I spent many awkward weekends with my distant, divorced father. On weekends he was feeling good about himself, we shared some pretty awesome hobbies that he introduced me to: archery, gun marksmanship, and photography (now that I think about it, they were all "first person shooters", ha!). But on bad weekends, I would spend most of my time reading books, playing games, writing, and watching TV so I didn't have to talk to him. I eventually stopped visiting him altogether. Now that I'm an adult, I see him once or twice a year and have very fundamental disagreements about life, politics, and how to treat people. I don't know if I will ever have a good relationship with him, but I am thankful to have at least some connection to him. I also know that if we hadn't had that bonding time when I was a kid, he'd be a complete stranger to me.

You need to have a talk with your dad - one on one, NOT with your brother around - and you need to explain to him that his teasing you and his allowing your brother to aggressively bully you is hurting you and making you feel like he doesn't love you. It makes you dislike spending those weekends with him. You need to say this respectfully and you MUST have the attitude that you want things to change for the better. This requires that you be open and willing to compromise on things, like sharing a hobby that he enjoys, too. Don't just expect him to do all the changing. Write up a little checklist of what you want to say before you sit down to talk to him. This'll help convince him that you're serious. Remind him that you love him, that you want to make these weekends enjoyable for the both of you, that you want to get to know him as a person and you want him to get to know you for the person you really are.

Invite your dad to play Yugioh (build him a competitive deck so he has a chance), and explain to him that it's not unlike other games he's more familiar with like "You Sank My Battleship" (attacking and subterfuge), Fantasy Football (selecting players or fighters based on their abilities, and building a team of them), and Risk. The tools and mechanisms are different, but the concepts are not alien. If he doesn't enjoy playing your games, tell him that you're willing to alternate activities, i.e. for every hour he spends playing something you like with you, you'll go to the batting cages or the zoo or the movies or help cook dinner with him. Remember, this is about making a lasting friendship and relationship with your father that makes you BOTH happy.

Now, about your brother. It sounds like there's a power struggle going on: for attention, for control, and sadly, for his own amusement. I'm certain there's probably some picking coming from you, too (Do you pick on him, too? Be honest!). It's possible that your brother is being bullied at school and takes it out on you when he gets home because he can't defend himself from his own attackers and you're an easy, younger target. Or it could be that he's just your typical kid who is self-absorbed, doesn't think about how his actions affect others, and doesn't get that the world isn't all about him. MOST people grow out of that. Many people who have bad relationships with their siblings when they're young wind up having great and strong friendships with them once they don't have to live in the same house together and see each other every single day.

I think you should do three things. 1) Try to get to know your brother. Don't try to talk to him the exact same way you have that sit-down conversation with your dad. Your brother just won't get it. He is probably trying to hurt you because he's hurting himself and doesn't understand how to make it stop. And as a good brother, you can try to help him feel good about himself. That doesn't mean that you should point out his problems and discuss them in detail. You should instead take little actions to give him some legitimate confidence. Invite him to go play basketball or ask him to teach you how to do something that he knows that you don't, i.e. how to change a tire, help on your homework, or anything that he likes to do, even if you don't think it's cool. Compliment him every once and a while (genuinely, not sarcastically), like, "cool shirt, bro" or "I like your hat"; it'll put him at ease and not feel like he's got to hurt you to feel good about himself. I know it's hard to even imagine doing something nice for him when he's been such a d-bag to you, but all you can do is try to be a good person, the person you WANT to be, and if he can't respect that, that's his problem.

2) Protect yourself. Keep your computer, your files, your social networking accounts, and your email password protected. Change the passwords regularly. I'm sure you already do a bunch of this. If your brother's lying and bullying start to affect your friendships with other people or your school, you need to talk to someone who can help you: your mom, your dad, the school counselor, anyone who cares about you and has the power to protect you. You brother may not be hitting you, but emotional abuse is real, and if he crosses the line (which it sounds like he already is), then you need to tell someone NOW.

3) This one is about you. You've used the word "hate" a lot in your post and you've talked about how you want to punch and kick your dad and your brother. This is rage, and the reason you feel this way is because you feel powerless to help yourself. You're hurting, you want the hurting to stop, and you want to hurt them back so they know how it feels. Sound familiar? It should, because it's what your brother is doing to you, only verbally. Don't become a bully yourself. Physically harming people is NOT OKAY, just like how your brother making up lies about you is not okay. When you start to imagine hurting your brother or father, go for a walk or run. Lift weights, channel that aggression into something else. This kind of anger can be very creative if you let it - just use it for making yourself stronger, NOT becoming a bully yourself.

I'll keep checking on this post to see if you have any questions. I didn't talk much about my life, but if you want to know where some of this advice is coming from, just ask, and I'll answer your questions as well as I can.

Remember, you have real friends out there, but your best asset should be YOU.

I really hope this helps.

Edit: grammar, explanation of an assumption

« Last edited by windchaser on Jan 16th 2012 »

^Nicely said. Always cool to have new members drop in and give their thoughts.

That might be the best, most genuine post I've ever read in my five years here. Beautifully said, windchaser.

« Last edited by steelersrock01 on Jan 15th 2012 »

I really enjoyed that post, thanks for taking the time to register and type it up windchaser.

....Wow.

Promote her to admin, now.

rest of thread tl;dr

No my family is annoying but so am I so I can't really hate them for being what I also am.