So I'm a big player of RPGs. I'm not talking about stuff like Fallout and Elder Scrolls (though I do play quite a bit of those), I'm talking about a good old fashioned, Pencil-and-paper Tabletop RPG like Dungeons and Dragons. I first started playing in an arena-style action RPG that my friend designed. I didn't have much fun with it, but it did spike my curiosity, and thus I began years of RPGs. Mostly it's been Dungeons & Dragons, but I've dabbled in some other RPGs from time to time. I've noticed that crazy RPG stories can often get some big laughs, so I figured I'd make a topic for people to share their favorites here.
Let's start with a story about Dark Heresy.
Now, Dark Heresy, for those who don't know, is a game from the Warhammer 40K universe (One of four, along with Rogue Trader, Black Crusade, and Deathwatch) and if you haven't played them before... eh, I wouldn't recommend it. While the mechanics are functional, the universe is boring, most of story surrounding the universe revolves around characters who are idiots and/or massive pricks (Take for example the Imperium of Man, or as I like to call them, the Space Nazis.
But I digress, this is supposed to be about fun RPG stories, right? Well, our group had just gotten done with a Deathwatch Campaign. which went out with a bit of a fizzle. I think the GM just had a tendency to do everything by the books and had little sense of innovation or imagination when it came to working his world, let's call him Mike for sake of argument. In addition, Deathwatch is already pretty uninteresting, since Role Playing a Space Marine is akin to Role Playing a refrigerator. They just have no personality at all.
Then there was a player named... well, we'll just call her Lauren.
Lauren and I did not get along. I hesitate to use the word "hate," but that's probably not far off. My main problem with her was that she didn't like Role Playing and constantly reminded us of it. So why did she even play with us? Well, another of the players was her boyfriend, and she felt the need to be with him as much as humanly possible. The boyfriend was an okay guy, but his girl was just insane. She would break character, constantly remind us how little she cared about any of us, and blatantly put the party in danger. Oh, and she played a Psycher (Essentially a magic user from D&D if Magic Users spells occasionally tried in a variety of fun ways to murder them), the most difficult and dangerous class.
So, we're in this Dark Heresy campaign, and I'm playing a monster of an Assassin. I didn't have much of a chance to characterize him, and I honestly don't even remember his name. She was playing (of course) a psycher. We were sent by the Inquisition to investigate some strange happenings on a planet. So we showed up to a town and found that it was being shelled by primitive artillery 24/7. So while we were investigating, we had a chance to get hit by this artillery.
Wouldn't you know it, Lauren catches a shell. It doesn't do much damage, but Mike mentions that after she's hit, one of the nameless NPCs looks at her, smirks, and turns away while shaking his head.
Lauren, being the level-headed lady she is, wastes him with her shotgun. Now, being an assassin, that conflicted with two major assassin traits: be subtle, and don't kill anyone you don't have to kill. I immediately start yelling at her in-character, and it's about to reach some sort of a clash.
Mike senses this and tells us that we find some papers on the NPC that prove that he was a heretic, making Lauren in the right. I get a little miffed, but he explains that he really doesn't want to watch our characters tear each other apart.
So we continue on. About ten minutes later, another shell happens to hit Lauren, and she (of course) fires her shotgun at another bystander. She doesn't kill him, but at this point I've seen enough. My assassin draws his Autopistol and puts it against her head.
Me: "Never do that again."
Lauren: "Do it!"
I would like to point out that she said this to the FERAL WORLD ASSASSIN. I slowly turn and look at Mike.
Mike: "Are you going to be nice enough to do a single-shot?"
Me: "Nope, Full-Auto Burst."
Amazingly, Lauren's character survives with a few wounds left. Figuring that I made my point (or that if she had a brain she'd save her revenge until such a time as when I wasn't still pointing a gun at her), I say:
Me: "Okay, that was the warning shot. Now never do that again."
Lauren: "**** YOU!"
I take another side-glance at the GM, who now has his face buried in his hands while I roll damage, blowing her character away.
She actually complained about it for the rest of the night, like I hadn't given her several chances to get away with her life. The campaign didn't last much longer anyways, and I didn't see her again, but that session will always be remembered by our group (though Mike doesn't like me retelling it. I do anyways.)
Sig by Craizen, Avy by Yogi_Bear
Wanna listen to me rant about stuff? I started a blog!https://theloonybinblog.wordpress.com/