This is a what if scenario designed to help you contemplate the awesomeness of America and the horribleness of ISIS.
Scenario: You wake up one morning to the sound of F-16s doing a flyover. You think if that isn't the freest sound in the world I don't know what is. You do your morning prayer and pledge allegiance to the American Flag like you do every morning. You head downstairs after taking a shower in red, white, and blue water and trimming your beard. You sit down at your table to eat your daily breakfast of steak, eggs, bacon, hash browns, and scotch while browsing the newspaper. You read about these goat f******, child raping, civilian killing, journalist beheading, freedom haters and you think not on my watch!
You finish your breakfast and run to your basement to grab a few things. You take a Remington 12 gauge shotgun, Colt .45 handgun, a Smith and Wesson .357 magnum, an M1 Garand, a Colt M4, and an M14 because not only do you have the right to own these things, you will require them for your next mission. You head to the backyard to put more bird seed in the bald eagle bird feeder. You slip on your red, white, and blue jumpsuit and hop on your Harley Davidson.
While on the road you notice the time is 9:11am so you pull over for a quick prayer in respect to the victims of terrorism. When you get back on the road you drive for a few minutes while drivers admire you're red, white, and blue Harley and you full size American Flag behind it. They are so dam proud of your patriotism that all the other cars move out of your way.
When you reach the Atlantic Ocean and you hear a voice say "Moses you know what to do". Suddenly you see Moses appear and part the ocean for you to drive to Syria. You tip your tri cornered hat to Moses and thank God for his generosity.
While you drive across the ocean floor listening to American Rock and Roll you notice your nearly out of gas. You pull over next to a sunken sailboat. You see a ghost carrying a gas can step out of the sailboat. The man says "My name is John Paul Jones and I figure your in need of some gasoline". You say "The honor is mine sir. Thank you for your service to your country"*salutes*. John fills up your gas tank. You grab your wallet but John stops you "Oh that's not necessary. You can repay me by killing terrorists". You say "Until we meet again" *salutes*. And you continue your journey.
You arrive at the Syrian coast to see that these ISIS abominations are worse than you thought. You take a moment for prayer and to listen to the national anthem before battle. You start by walking up to the first ISIS member your see and shooting him directly in the head. The other terrorists(themselves now in terror) pull out their commie rifles. Before they can fire a shot you empty your Colt .45 and all but one drops dead instantly. He looks around at his fallen comrades and starts to shake. A stream a urine drips down his leg. He starts sobbing and says "Please! Please don't kill me!" You say "I'm not gonna kill you...but he might" *you point at the sky* The terrorist looks up to see a predator drone just as it launches a missile at the him.
You continue your journey towards the ISIS headquarters killing terrorists along the way. You gain the title Red, White, and Blue Death. You mow down a whole caravan of ISIS soldiers with machine gun fire and from the gun smoke rises a mysterious figure. The figure turns around and you see it's Lee Ermery. He says in his tough voice "You sir have earned yourself a new gun!" *he pulls out a red, white, and blue gun* "This is a M1776 minigun. Instead of firing bullets it shoots pure freedom." You say to Lee "This is a true honor sir. I accept your minigun and I shall use it in battle" *you shake his hand and say farewell*.
You climb to the top of a hill and see the leader of ISIS. You walk up to him and he says "It looks like I'll need some back up". He shouts "Commies assemble!" Just then you see the ghosts of Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Osama Bin Laden, Kim Jung Il, Fidel Castro, and Karl Marx rise from the ground.
You say "That's all got?" You shout "Patriots Unite!" The ghosts of George Washington, Richard Nixon, Theodore Roosevelt, Ronald Reagan, Abraham Lincoln, and Neil Armstrong descend from the sky. Suddenly an apache helicopter approaches and Hulk Hogan parachutes out. A mustang walks up and Chuck Norris climbs down. You see a man fly in on a cloud of manliness. It's Nick Offerman! Finally off in the distance you see a man riding an elephant. It's Rush Limbaugh!
Chuck Norris: I had better stay out of this one. We wouldn't want it to be over too quickly.
Hulk Hogan: Understandable.
Lincoln: Well if we're all ready.
Nixon: Let's kick some commie butt!
Reagan: I second that!
The following battle is so intense that words cannot describe so these pictures will:
The smoke from the battle clears. America wins! You shove an American Flag pole in the mouth of the ISIS leader. Say FREEDOM!
The Star Spangled Banner plays in the background as fighter jets fly over. Fireworks explode in the night sky. You all crack open a beer while you say your goodbyes.
America will never forget your service to your country and your world.
« Last edited by KingofCorn on Oct 6th 2014 »