The Secret Passage. -- My story. :)

Well, I am going to put the first chapter of this three book series I made up. . I mean the books are short.. but I will try to find a way to extend it somehow. I really liked the second part of the series. So that one should be nice as well. I am also going to make another fic soon. That one should be as good or better. I am not good at writing. It's just something I decided to try out because everyone else was doing. So please don't make fun of me. The secret passage chapter 1 will be at yah sooner then you know it. (hopefully, so watch out. :P)

I'll look out for it... but you might post this little ad in the disscussion thread. up to you, since this is a sort of intro.

I agree, But I'll be waiting for this series of yours.

Sorry, I have to finish writing it on word first. I am working on it right now. :P. I got the intro down. I will post chapter one soon.

The Secret Passage?book 1
By Sujith Medari


Intro-

We knew there was always something in that big house of ours, but never knew what it was. I mean there had to have been because some areas were forbidden. I always felt like my mom was keeping secrets from us, like the fact that this house was new built a few years ago, while it looks so old. She also said that no one else lived here before, but I found clues which lead me to think there had to have been other people living here. Although, I was never certain who was right and who was wrong. My twin brother Gavin, always told me to follow my heart, and not even trust the mother of ours, even if she was sweet, and loving, and the best mother a child can ask for. I wanted to believe her, but then again, I wanted to know the truth. I knew it wasn?t easy but I had to know what evil, and mysterious things that could have been in this house. Maybe I was wrong, and everything was my imagination, and my mom was right, but there was only one way to find out.

Here's your post Suj, and 6/10. There's not much wrong with it, but it aint brilliant. You could improve, but its only the prolouge so I cant really mark you on it.

Ok, this is the first part of chapter 1. I didn't finish the chapter yet, but I will right more.

So, our mother was acting a little weird at times. That doesn't mean she doesn't love us. She would tell us the truth no matter what right?. I was in my bedroom thinking of everything that was happening. I heard footsteps down the hall. I thought it was my mom and went on thinking. I kept thinking I should be really happy that I get to live in such a big house. Yet, I was not. Something was bugging me. Telling me to go out and search the house. I have never seen my whole house. It was so big, maybe even bigger than Bill Gates house. It never crossed my head to wonder off into those areas that were on the 'other side'. I just kept in my room. My brother spent most of his time outside playing basketball or someting with his friends, while I spent most of my time inside, playing video games in my room. Well, my mom was downstairs, in the kitchen I pressumed, because it was almost dinner time. I got out of my bed. I looked around, and something was breathing on me, not even 2 feet away from me. I kept thinking it was my imagination. It was my imagination. I mean it had to be. I slowly walked out of my bedroom, and all of a sudden a black light passes above my head. there were no shadows around me, and that one just kept moving at a really high speed. I didn't panick. I convinced myself it was my imagination. While, I was going down the big hallway, I saw a picture of my Father. I never saw it there before, it was just on top of a brown wooden table. I thought that maybe my mother put it up today when she came upstairs. I suddenly remembered, in about 2 weeks his is death anniversary. I never knew the guy, so I never loved him the way I should. Our mother was all we had and I certainly didn't want to loose her too. I kept continuing down the hallway. We had many pictures hung, and the hallway was really big. Finally I got to the stairs. I took a left, and went down the stairs. While going down the stairs, I noticed the stairs started to creak. It never did that before. I didn't mind it, adn I kept walking down. Finally, I reached the living room. I didn't see my mother anywhere. I yelled out mom several times, and she didn't answer me. I did see food by the dining table though. I went to the kitchen to eat. I was starving. It was a bowl of rice, and chicken. While I was eating, i kept wondering where my mom was. I got thirsty, so I got up to get a glass of water. I turned on the sink, and blood gushed out. I turned it off as fast as I could. That was the nastiest thing i have ever seen. I then just ran outside. I was only 12 back then, and just imagine how scary that would be. I couldn't find my brother outside either. I started to panick, didn't know where to run to. I suddenly then knew my brother was at the park doing something with his friends. Suddenly, I got a twin vibe, as if something bad was happening to him. I ran as fast as I could to the park, and I saw couple of 10th graders, beating up my brother. I was pretty strong back then. I went to the tenth graders, and made them chase me. Once I got to a fence I started climbing up the fence, then i jumped off of it, and kicked the two 10th graders that were hurting my brothers in the face. Then I ran to Gavin, and picked him up. He was out cold. He had cuts on his eyes. One really big one down his cheek. I said "Gavin wake up buddy, they are coming back. Those 10th graders are coming back. We gotta run". He wouldn't wake up. So I picked him up, and I took him to a nearby home, and the nice family let us in. It was the day that begin it all.

10/10 Sman, this is a great fic, lol.

lol. Nah, I don't think it deserves a ten. It says that Aeshma posted last, how come I don't see his post? I would rate myself probably a 5/10 for this fic. :P. I have really good story (secret passage) but I just don't know how to tell it very good. I rather make a movie about it, and you guys see it. lmao.

It was a decent start.

It needs work. But the prologue screams Chronicles of Narnia.

A great start,but it needs alot of more work and effort into it. This could become great. 6/10

On 31-Dec-2005 TestVirus101 said:

It needs work. But the prologue screams Chronicles of Narnia.

Never watched it. Can you tell me what I can do to make it better?