Uega Ren Vakir

It's been a while since a great battle like this one, good job. I've been needing something decent to read for a while.

But... will the next chapter be the same length, but about Auren reading that book and that's all? I know there doesn't have to be action in every chapter, but I don't see how a book could possibly do anything interesting at this moment in the fic.

I knew this would come up. Don't worry, just trust me. No, the whole chapter will not be things like "Auren continued to read the book, absorbing its text and committing it to memory." Don't worry. This is not meant to sound arrogant, I dunno if the chapter will rock. But I don't think it'll fail, either. Bear with me.

« Last edited by Seos san Nekros on Jul 19th 2007 »

I bump this thread in the name of awesomeness.

If you have nothing constructive to add, don't post. No thread will ever need bumping after one day.

Yo, new chapter. Bit short and rather uneventful, but I, personally, like it. Hopefully it won't bore anybody to tears or anything. Let me know what you think.

Chapter 26: The Book of Moon

Everything I had heard was true: this book was laden with mystery. Staring at the pages found me very little but gibberish. Each page was full of random symbols and words, each word having no relation whatsoever to the one before it. In some cases, these words were just formed from letters that didn?t make any sense when combined. In others, the word made sense, but was irrelevant to the word or symbol before it. It was like reading something in another language, strung together with the language I knew.
After studying the very first page in depth for several minutes, I noticed that there were three words on it that were written upside down and backwards. When turned upright and put together, they were legible. ?Many are fascinated? were the only words written this way. The words were found on the page in that order, although in their upside-down and backwards format. But it was nearly impossible to tell them apart from the other random symbols at first glance. A letter written upside-down and backwards, it turns out, is very difficult to spot unless you?re looking for it.
The next page had the same pattern: three words that made sense together ? and more so when combined with the three from the previous page ? among gibberish set apart by their bizarre formatting. There were hundreds of pages like this. Three words per page blended in among a great deal of nonsensical symbols and ramblings, and all of it part of an elaborate effort to hide the true message of the book.
I sat in that cavern for who knows how long ? certainly a matter of days ? taking painstaking effort in trying to decipher that message, to find each word in the entire thing that was formatted specially and piece them together to understand the meaning of it all. Exhaustion and hunger were factors eliminated by the cypress that now rested within me, so the only thing to lose was time.
After studying the text until my eyes were sore, I had finally unraveled the message. It was not as quizzical as the writings on the walls had been, but it didn?t need to be. No one would have taken a second look at the first page without dismissing it as garbage unless they knew what they had. There wasn?t even any punctuation, leaving the reader with even more to decipher. It was the perfect guise. It made it almost impossible for anyone to stumble upon the secret without meaning to.
I, on the other hand, meant to. Hundreds of pages of text, and all of it to misconstrue one message that would have only taken a few pages to write more simply. And I had found that message.

Many are fascinated with the creation and existence of living beings, but regular man has yet to reveal the inherent flaw in life: the impermanence. A man could live for a hundred years and it would still be insignificant when compared with the eternity that is death. Life is, was, and always will be an escape. An attempt at stopping death where it stands. A stall. Nothing more. You can fight death by finding new ways to prolong life, but you can never defeat it. It always waits for its moment to strike. And once taken by death, very little can be done to return the dyer to life. But a live being can be brought to death at any given instant.
But even while we attempt to prolong life ? to suppress death ? there are those who are enlightened and who realize that there is no defeating death. Not nearly enough of them, though they do exist. There are no such enlightened ones who realize the daunting truth: the same applies to light and darkness.
The shadows do not bleed. They do not feel pain. They do not bend nor break nor die. They are only hidden. Cast from view by light. They can never be defeated, only suppressed. For even when light shines, it is only hiding the darkness. The shadows will wait patiently for the light to vanish.
As sure as the sun rises every morning, it sets every night. It sheds its glow upon us and allows life to flourish for many hours. And then, as daylight dies, the darkness rules again. It is an endless cycle, one which the light tries to break. It tries every morning as the sun rises. And it grows tired when the sun sets. But the darkness need not make any effort. The darkness knows it will return to power within hours, regardless of what events take place in the course of the day.
The exact same can be related to the single darkest being in all of existence. The Serpent has no need for sleep. When men who fight for light and for life rest from their efforts, the night moves. Every time the light rises and destroys another body of darkness, The Serpent returns. It is a cycle as unbreakable as the course of the sun.
And the reason that very few know of this terrible truth is that it consumes those who find out. They seek the immortality of the shadows. They surrender themselves to the will of the Serpent so that they might continue to exist through him in death. But such immortality cannot truly be achieved by mortal man. Many have tried, and just as many have been destroyed and recycled as an extension of the Serpent, their own souls eradicated instead of being allowed to join him.
Even he who sought the power and found it still failed to control it. My brethren and I worshipped him at first, but Osiris was soon overtaken by the power he had discovered. He was effectively immortal and omnipotent, but his goal was not reached. The eternal darkness controlled him rather that succumbing to his control. He existed only as an extension of the darkness. His soul was destroyed and replaced with the essence of the void of black energy he had discovered, and the darkness ruled all. No matter how much effort that was taken to defeat his dark side, it would always regain itself and continue to control the other elements of his being: the elements of the other Alpha Beings. Driven by the essences of the Phoenix, the Demon of War and the Serpent itself, there was no destroying him. His intentions in seeking the power were pure, but in the end, darkness conquers. Fighting him was a stall, just as much so as shining daylight on the night.
In time, it became necessary for us who had once worshipped and revered him to seal him away. While all of his descendents and followers were warring with each other, the five of us offered our energy into a ritual that would trap Osiris in a dimension created by his own disciples.
There is only one way in all of existence for Osiris to be freed, and there is only one man living or dead who knows the ritual. It requires seven key components, one of which shall be hidden from knowledge at all costs.
The other six are somewhat less dangerous, because they are useless without the final piece. The first three components are the essences of the Alpha Beings.
The essence of Jyriem can be found without much difficulty, for his influence is seen in the faces of all living things. The very existence of life is the legacy of the Phoenix, for none of it could have come to be without Him. The blood of any living creature will serve as his essence for the ritual.
The essence of Ragnarok is, unfortunately, equally common. Without His influence, death could never have been introduced to life. When life ends, Ragnarok?s essence is found. The rotting flesh of the dead will serve as his essence for the ritual.
But the essence of the Serpent is not so easily obtained. While a great many possess some degree of shadow in their being, very few possess the pure and true lifeblood of darkness. Only a select few in all of history have shown the traits separating them from the rest, and there is no substitute for their blood in the ritual.
The next three components take the form of medallions, one representing each of the Alpha Beings, and all of them being passed down through the generations and kept as much in hiding as possible. They are the Trinity, the only part of this ritual that is common knowledge.
But it matters not how much is known, as long as the seventh element remains a mystery. Without all seven of the pieces, Osiris can never walk the soil of this Earth again. The seventh piece is a one-of-a-kind item that can ? but must never be allowed to ? lead to the revival.
With the day of the revival, it shall be so that the world is adrift in a sea of chaos and disorder. And on that day, the Earth and heavens alike shall tremble in fear. All of creation will be at risk, and only the legends shall rise to resist. Fight for honor, fight for glory, and fight until death, or the darkness shall trample all.
The prophecies are clear, and the revival would lead to nothing but demise. So it has been written and so it would be done.
To you who views this scripture, heed my word. If you are reading this, you did not uncover it by mistake, and you know of that which you hold. The darkness of the Serpent will never perish. The revival would only add to His strength. No one is safe from His might. The purest of warriors have touches of darkness in their souls, and the Serpent can exploit it all and use it to his own liking. Osiris cannot fall into the hands of Avaga Serak. If it comes to pass, there will be nothing left. The darkness is absolute, and no one is safe.
And you, brave warrior who has suffered and survived the hand of a mythic God, you have been fated with the task that is defined by this knowledge. These communications were not left to be warily discarded and forgotten. And now you have understanding of the events that have led us here. As long as only two medallions are in circulation, the revival can never occur. The protection of the third is crucial, for without it there can be no Trinity.
Only one must ever read this text, and it has been decided that you are that person. If you cannot follow this Book?s design, darkness shall purge all. The end of the world will be on your shoulders and our blood on your hands. Do not let it come to pass.
All you have been through has been for this goal; you will need no fear, but courage in full. You must find now what ages have sought, and shun the glories of what is wrought. You?ve read your own fate and now you must see; this Book holds the future, the map and the key. Show your vigor, your strength and your might. It is never as the darkness feigns. You cannot take fury, splendor or flight, so take your prize and leave no remains.

First of all, that was great. I don't know how you managed to come up with that message, or how you imagined it's meaning, which is in a way, true. Due to the lack of ocurrences there is not much I can say. But, just from reading this I can predict that a lot more is going to happen. And I'm looking forward to it.

What he said.

Also, the fight with the spikey Hammerbloke of Doom was incredibly impressive. I had actually forgotten that he was lightning elemental, I'm sorry to say, but fortunately I re-read the chapter before as well. Keep up the great writing, and I look forwards to the reactions of everyone else in the next chapter. Or the one after. Maybe.

Tom: Thanks, glad you appreciated it. I had trouble making the Book's message sound as awesome as I meant for it to, so here's hoping it went well.

Sotek: Does that mean you've got some idea of what is going to happen?
Either way, thanks about the fight scene.

Everyone in the thread: The following chapter is relatively long and may seem uneventful, but is also completely necessary, so bear with me. Comments appreciated.

Chapter 27: The Hunt

My first reaction upon having deciphered the entire message was simple bewilderment. This very clearly implied that Osiris, while possessing power from each of the Alpha Beings, was dominated by darkness. But my father had seemed certain that Ravola could not control Osiris? had Maurek simply been mistaken? After all, his old friend Ekio had once erroneously told me that the image on my father?s medallion represented the cross of Osiris, not the cross of Darkness. If a Jauvain Shaman could be wrong, maybe my father could as well? then, on the other hand, the cross had turned out to be the representation of the part of Ravola?s energy discovered by Osiris, so calling it his cross was still partially accurate. Perhaps Ravola could control Osiris, but simply didn?t need to because Osiris was already motivated by darkness?
Then my mind succumbed to a brief feeling of hopelessness. Hearing the Acolyte of Thunder describe the darkness? it was an unsettling thought. Was it truly impossible to lay Divino Ravola to rest?
These thoughts and many more whirled about in my mind, but I forced myself away from them for a moment and focused on the last part of the message. It was simultaneously the most straightforward and the most confusing piece of writing I had ever read.
This book holds the future, the map and the key?
Despite this line, I could not find a map anywhere; nothing that even vaguely resembled a map was to be found within the pages.
My stomach lurched as I realized that the map could easily be hidden amongst the thousands of random symbols that also hid the text itself. But certainly that would be far too complicated?
Well he hasn?t exactly made this easy so far?
I remembered with a grimace that I had been sitting in the same position for an absurdly long time ? quite possibly days ? without moving except to turn pages. I was unbelievably stiff, and the fact that my last movements had been fighting Scourge was starting to catch up with me. I closed the book and shifted my position, slumped against a wall inside the cavernous mountain, Avasera hanging idly in its sheath. With the sword, the new position was even less comfortable, so I removed it from its case and placed it down beside me.
As I moved the open the book again, I noticed the crescent-shaped jewel that adorned its cover. Even in the gravity of the situation, I couldn?t help but admire its simple elegance. I reached out with a finger to touch its smooth surface and, to my perplexity, it seemed to glow. I recoiled in surprise.
But upon examining it with a close eye, I didn?t know if the glow had been a product of imagination in tandem with the faint electric shine that still lingered in the air. It certainly wasn?t glowing now.
?Strange,? I muttered.
Dismissing it as my eyes playing tricks on me, I touched it again. It was vague and lasted for but an instant, yet this time I was certain I had seen it: the jewel had flashed slightly at my stroke.
Curious, I gripped at it as best as I could with my fingers and tried to loosen it, but with no luck. I held the book level with my face and looked for a seam between the jewel and the book. The cover was thick; the jewel could?ve been set in it. But there was no separation. It was not inlaid; it was just a part of the book that couldn?t come apart.
But then why does it react when the book doesn?t?
I tried several more times to release it from the book?s cover, but it stayed put. I even tried to bend the cover and force the jewel out, but I felt strange trying to damage something that someone had worked hard to so intricately create.
And yet, suddenly, the author?s intentions seemed clear to me. Take your prize and leave no remains? My original impression was that my prize was the book, and that I was supposed to hide the entrance to this place, leaving no trace that it was ever here. But now I wondered if my prize was the jewel and if I was meant to leave no remains of the book itself.
With newly refreshed determination, I struggled to separate the moon-like gem from the book. But despite my best efforts, it wouldn?t budge.
I?m going to have to destroy the book anyway?
Heaving a sigh, I took a few more moments to admire the degree to which Vaega had taken the priority of protecting these secrets. But there was no time. I had no idea what was going on in the outside world; I had spent so much time retrieving and deciphering this message. My only solace was that, unless they happened to stumble upon a medallion or the Acolyte himself, none of my allies could be doing any better: I, at least, had the book.
Having already committed the relevant text to memory over the past few days, I wedged my fingers between the spine and the pages, tearing the content away from their bindings and letting the separated pieces of paper fall across the floor. Then I began to resolutely twist and tear at the cover, still hoping to dislodge the jewel. My hands were growing sore from trying to stretch the thick face of the Book of Moon when I heard a small click as the moon fell from its place and bounced lightly on the ground. I abandoned the damaged cover atop the pile of discarded pages and carefully picked up the jewel, which glowed dimly in my grip for a moment before returning to its pearly calmness.
Without hesitation, I got to my feet and, holding the crescent in one hand, I extended the other toward the ground, aiming at what was left of the Book of Moon. The tome?s purpose was obvious. Most of it explained why the third medallion must be found and protected, and then the last paragraph gave hints on how to find it. There could be no other meaning. It was all very quizzical, but I felt sure that I was interpreting the important parts correctly. It had made mention to a map and a key, but something had me convinced that the jewel in my hand would prove to be both, although I could not guess how. And, of course, the intentions of the words hidden on the very last page were now plain and clear to me.
Leave no remains?
?Seydu Fiore,? I barked. Black flames reached from my open palms and I watched as they engulfed the pages left behind by the Acolyte of Thunder, distorting their secrets forever.
As the book disappeared into the flames, the crescent flashed brightly and caught my attention. The flash was much brighter and much briefer than it had been the previous times. But this time, when the flash faded, the light did not extinguish. The jewel now glowed at a constant. It was very dim and very faint, but still noticeable. Unable to think of any explanation, I shrugged it off and turned to leave. The medallion would not be in the same place as the book, so I?d have to leave the mountain of Wetre Kaluj if I was going to figure out how this jewel would help me.
I absentmindedly stepped past the ruined gates that had been blocking the way to the book, my gaze fixated on my so-called prize. And as I stepped over the remnants of the wall that had once stood there, warning me that the book was near and subtly giving me hints, the crescent blinked with bright light again. And perhaps it was just my imagination this time, but it seemed that its constant glow after the flash faded was ever so slightly brighter now, as if each of the flashes lit it a bit more.
Why is it doing that?
I shook my head slowly and continued, quickly covering the ground of the hallway until I was back at the concealed entrance in the ceiling that had led me here: The cavern of the White Waters was now directly below my feet.
Avasera?
I glanced at my waist and remembered that I had set the sword down. Eager to get out of this place and begin my search for the medallion, I turned and sprinted back down the hall and into the chamber. But when I stepped back across the gates to the pedestal where the book had rested, I stopped in my tracks. Nothing in the room was out of the ordinary, however. The remains of the book were still smoldering in black fire and Avasera lay exactly where I had left it. The peculiar thing was that in my hand.
As soon as I had stepped back into the room, it had flashed again. This time, when it returned to its constant but faint glow, it was slightly dimmer.
?Weird,? I muttered before stooping then grabbing and sheathing the sword.
When I ran back down the hall toward the cavern of the White Waters again, I was almost completely unsurprised ? though still very confused ? when the jewel flashed in my hand yet again and left it glowing somewhat brighter again.
The map?
The realization came to me so suddenly that I was reminded of Jexen bluntly saying something in my mind, and I couldn?t help but wonder if he was still trying to contact me.
This book holds the future, the map and the key?
When I had first touched the jewel, it had glowed slightly. Then, when I had dislodged it and destroyed the book, it had flashed and glowed a bit brighter. Then, when I had begun to leave, it grew bright again. But when I had to return for the sword, it got dimmer.
It flashes when I move in the right direction?of course?
I was amazed at how fast I had brought myself from confusion to resolute understanding, but there was no other explanation: this crescent?s blinking would lead the path to the final medallion.
I was extremely eager to test this guess and quickly sprinted back down the hall, this time not even hesitating as I stood over the cavern. I jumped down through the illusionary piece of ceiling and landed swiftly in the well lit chamber, illuminated now by the soft glow of Wetre Kaluj. The instant my feet hit the ground, the jewel blinked again.
And then again when I stepped out of the cavern into the forest that concealed its entrance. And yet again when I stepped out of the forest. Each time it blinked, it was a little brighter when it returned to its constant shine, a welcome detail. The dire strait we were in was highlighted by an Acolyte?s admission that Divino Ravola couldn?t be killed, and very little was going well. Of course, I couldn?t deny the stroke of luck I had in meeting Jexen. The Cypress had certainly made this less daunting by eliminating the need for sleep, as I imagined it would for anyone fighting against Ravola?s armies. Still, it was good to find a win, so I was anxious to find the medallion and protect it from its counterparts.
But even having discovered the purpose of the crescent did not make the process easy. The jewel?s flashes grew less frequent which, in turn, made it much more difficult to tell if I was moving in the right direction. Sometimes I?d move for hours at time before encountering a flash and having the gem dimmed, indicating that I had moved for hours in the wrong direction and needed to backtrack just as far. And the fact that the worlds of light and darkness were still warring, coupled with my need to focus and avoid distraction, made it a very painstaking effort. Tracking the medallion with the blinking of the moon-like-gem meant moving in seemingly random directions across all sorts of landscapes, which would often lead me through or around battlefields. But I knew my goal, so I never stopped unless I could prevent a human from being killed by a Jauvi in my immediate vicinity. And to top it off, I still had to maintain my role as discrete warrior fighting from the shadows, so I needed to be stealthy always.
It began to feel perpetual after a while. It must have been days since I had begun to trace the blinking, constantly following the pattern. Granted, the jewel was significantly brighter at a constant than it has begun, so I knew I must be getting somewhere, even if slowly. But I couldn?t help but feel like it was leading me in a zigzag, as if it could?ve gotten me to my destination much more quickly. Vaega really wanted this to be difficult.
After a long while of traveling undetected through the war, I found myself stopping. The jewel has flashed in this spot and shown that I had moved in a good direction. But normally, when that happened, I would find myself in the middle of nowhere, with no real landmarks to tell me that I should stop. This time I found myself standing in the middle of a makeshift graveyard.
This sort of random burial ground wasn?t uncommon in this time of war between proverbial good and evil. Whenever the human armies hosted a victory, be it small or large, achieved by massacre or Jauvain retreat, there were always casualties. And they couldn?t risk staying in one place too long without expecting Jauvain reinforcements, so they never had time to seek a proper place to bury their soldiers. It left them in the awkward position of having to dig crude graves in the middle of the battlefield, random slabs of rock serving as headstones, carved vaguely with the name of the soldiers buried beneath them.
I had seen many of these areas since taking my position against the armies of Divino Ravola. But now, as I sought the resting place of a medallion of Osiris, it seemed odd to me that the crescent would signal in the middle of one of them. When it returned to its constant glow, it was brighter than I had ever seen it.
This particular one was situated below a cliff, next to the mace of a mountain. It would be shielded from the view of anyone trying to find it from above ground level.
Could the Acolyte of Thunder have been buried here?
The idea seemed utterly implausible, but I found myself curious anyway. There were only a few headstones at this particular burial ground, and I began to rush to each of them, seeing if I recognized any of the names.
The names were carved faintly, probably engraved simply by smaller stones. Most of them bore just the name of a soldier, while a few also had a small message like ?Stay Gold? or ?Rest Peacefully.? But I didn?t recognize any of the names.
The headstones, having been gathered or chipped from the side of the mountain, came in varying shapes and sizes, so I didn?t make anything of a particularly large one until I stood directly over it, my eyes widening. The text carved into this headstone was much clearer, as if it had been burnt there rather than carved. But the stone was nameless. It simply held a message, etched in very small ? but perfectly legible ? script:

As long as the path is clear and shown,
The entrance shall remain unknown.

Another riddle? I hope Vaega is still alive somewhere so I can find him and kill him for this.
This one was clearly shorter, but the handwriting was the same. I couldn?t help but feel impressed by the fact that, with two lines, he had confused me more than with any of his other messages combined. Two lines that directly contradict each other.
So as long as I can see the path, I won?t know about it?
So I could find it if I wasn?t looking for it? I glared at the slab of stone. If the key to finding it was not looking for it, why had he left behind the Book of Moon to help someone track it down?
The map and the key?
I was puzzled to realize that I had forgotten the jewel was supposed to be the key to finding the medallion, not just the map that shows the way. But as I studied the headstone, I found no indentations. No place to insert the gem.
As long as the path is clear and shown? I kept running the words over and over again through my mind. What the hell did it mean?
As long as I?m looking for it? as long as I?m on the right path? as long as I know what the right path is?
Then it occurred to me and my heart surged with a raging tempest of excitement.
As long as I?ve got a map!
I turned the pearly crescent over in my hands, its glow suddenly beautiful to me. I was about to make a large gamble. If I was correct, the location of the medallion would be opened to me. But if I was wrong, the only means of finding it would be gone?
But I was convinced by instinct that I was correct. Without further hesitation, I hurled the crescent at the headstone as hard as I could, forcing myself to watch as it shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces on impact.
The strange glow from the pearly moon instantly began to spread from the fragments where it had been contained, quickly engulfing the tombstone in bright light. I stared in stunned silence as the light continued to broaden, swirling and stretching until I realized that I was looking at a portal. The luster was simultaneously beckoning and foreboding.
Without allotting myself time for reconsideration, I jumped into the swirling pool of radiance and felt it close in around me.
The dizzying sensation didn?t last long but was quickly replaced by a mixture of confusion and annoyance. I had hoped ? foolishly, probably ? that the medallion would be perfectly obvious once I found its hiding place, like it?d just be sitting there on a pedestal. Instead, when my feet were back on solid ground and the portal faded, I was surrounded by pitch darkness.
The air was heavy with a nauseating odor that I recognized immediately: the stench of death. I forced a pulse of white light into my palms and then promptly gagged at the sight before me.

« Last edited by Seos san Nekros on Aug 23rd 2007 »

Oh thanks. Leave us on a cliffhanger why don't you?

That was a really good chapter, and I can see why you said it was important. Also, I wouldn't have called the chapter uneventful.

Finally: "so I needed to be stealth always" Stealthy, perhaps?

You're welcome. It was either that or have this chapter be really really long.

Thanks. And I'm glad it didn't seem uneventful.

You're probably right, thanks. Edited.

Anybody else?

whoa, both chapters' pretty awesome

Nice job, now you've left me wondering where he is and what's going to happen. I hope you're happy by making me wait.

Anyway, though long and uneventful, it was enough to keep me reading. I'm glad you skipped the long trekking across fields though. That could have lasted at least three chapters.

What I also like is the way you come up with the riddles and meanings. Does that sort of thing come easy to you or do you sit there trying to think up deep messages and things that rhyme for hours?

Hello.

As a quick warning, I am not going to be quoting direct examples from the story. I'll allude to them to explain what I mean if necessary, but there are simply too many pages to go looking for quotes.

Well, you've certainly got description and explanation down. I've seen a lot of writers who have trouble with that. Unfortunately, I think you actually go overboard with it. A good story has lots of detail and such, but too much of it can tear the plot apart. For starters, there's the simple fact that the more you explain something, the less there is for the reader to wonder about.

And there are quite a few times throughout this series that you are, as they say, beating a dead horse. For example, I'll point you as far back as the early-goings of Irim Da Ravola. You very frequently mentioned how comfortable Revol was growing with the darkness. Now, of course, that's good character development. But after a while, you're just saying the same things over and over again in slightly different ways. Another example from Irim Da Ravola would be when he was leading the Jauvi into an assault on the humans' army. You kept saying that he was regretful for what he was doing and that he hated the situation, and that hatred fueled him to kill. Again, good character development. But after the thirtieth time you say it, it's less exciting than it is repetitive. You don't want the reader confused by lack of development, but you also don't want them bored.

Thirdly, the amount of detail you use in uneventful chapters takes the focus away from the truly significant ones. You describe his thoughts while he's walking down halls with as much detail as you do big fight scenes. Because you write with virtually the exact same amount of description no matter what is happening, it's hard to decide what is meant to be important and what isn't. You need to be willing to emphasize the important events, and the more detail you use in every chapter, the harder it will be to emphasize anything.

Basically, you've got the find a happy medium. Not too little detail, but not so much that it's boring, either. The same applies to variation in vocabulary. It seems you're so intent on finding new ways to say 'said' that you actually find yourself avoiding the word said. Remember, varied vocabulary is great, but there is nothing wrong with occasionally using the basic word, either.

There were a few issues of continuity throughout. Moments where I simply wasn't sure what order things happened in the timeline you've created, or a matter where one thing you said contradicted the next. Ravola said the cross with the dragon's head was the cross of darkness, Ekio said it was the cross of Osiris, then Russell said it was sort of both. Technically, it makes sense, but I worry that it might annoy some people. You introduce something as fact and then later change your mind, which might make it hard to follow.

As for simple matters such as grammar and conventions, I don't think there is a whole lot of room for improvement. I noticed the occasional typo, although don't ask me to find them again. For the most part, I'd say you've got a strong grasp of the rules of literature, so there isn't much to comment on there.

And the actual plot itself, I must say, is great. Obviously that is a matter of opinion, but in mine, you're a very creative writer. I love the dark magic type of storyline. I'm especially intrigued by this latest bit involving the Book of Moon. You've used some good techniques to raise suspence. I have a few predictions about what is to come, but I'd hate to spoil it for others, so I'll keep them to myself on the off-chance that they are correct.

All in all, you're doing pretty well. Just tone down the detail a little bit and you'll be fine.

On a side note, my apologies. I realize I make really long review posts. I hope you're able to forgive the length and take the content seriously, because I truly just hope to help you improve.

« Last edited by Panic Supreme on Sep 1st 2007 »

This post does not contain a new chapter. I'm just here to let everybody know that it's going to take a while for this one. New games for birthday presents have me very occupied, and I've got writer's block to boot. Please bear with me. The next chapter is not one I'm willing to rush.

SUPERMAN5: Thanks. Any comments at all apart from that?

Cataclysm: You're welcome. As a gift, have a longer wait.
As for the riddle-speak, they don't just pop into my head, but I also don't just sit and think about them. Wehenever I'm doing something that doesn't require my full attention, my mind wanders, and that's when I come up with riddles and such. Glad they are coming across well.

Panic Supreme: That's certainly the most thought-out review post I've ever had... nice to see a fresh face. Honest criticism is a breath of fresh air. Believe it or not, I agree on some level with most of what you said. And I do try to control description, but it's instinct. But thank you very much for your comments. I would, personally, argue that you're the pot calling the kettle black, seeing as everything you said could have been done with "All in all, you're doing pretty well. Just tone down the detail a little bit and you'll be fine" if not for over-explanation. But I do still appreciate your opinion.

Welcome to the site, by the way.

Everyone: While you're waiting, feel free to speculate or comment on the fic so far. That is all.

Thread revived for the sheer hell of it.

Gracias.

Disclaimer: Descriptions of gore coming up. If any of them make you uncomfortable at all... well, that's your fault. You've been warned.

Chapter 28: Motive

I had to cover my mouth and swallow to restrain the wave of nausea that had hit me so quickly. On the ground, just a few feet from me, lay something that looked like it might have once been a living human being, lying in what had to be its own dried blood. Its arms had been separated from the rest of the body at the elbows, its legs were missing from the shins down, and it looked like it had almost been decapitated, its dented head barely attached to its neck by a fragment of spinal cord. It seemed like its rib cage and chest had been completely collapsed, and patches of skin had been torn from what was left of the body. I couldn?t imagine what might?ve happened to its eyes, but I also couldn?t see them in their sockets.
I forced myself to look away from the massacre. But when I averted my gaze further around the illuminated area, I found another image that was equally ? if not more so ? disturbing. Piled against a wall behind the dismantled body were a number of other gruesome corpses. They were all damaged in much the same way as one another. It appeared as if their skin had been completely shredded from their bodies. There were several areas where skeletal innards were visible through wounds in what remained of their muscle mass. Glistening liquid from one of the bodies closest to me gave me the unsettling impression that it was still bleeding, meaning it would have been killed very recently.
Don?t panic.
A futile effort. Within a matter of seconds, my mind was grasping at small hopes of survival.
These guys couldn?t have gotten in here through the portal because it just now came into existence; there must be a different way in and out.
I spun around and then took three steps before my jaw dropped in bewilderment and fear, leading me to stop short. My eyes fell on the ground in front of me again, where something terrifying rested.
There, sitting peacefully, were three circles of gold that sparkled in the white light from my palms, each of them emblazoned with a cross. I recognized one as the cross of darkness, and knew what the others must be.
Lines were carved in the floor between them, connecting each medallion to both of its brothers and forming a perfect triangle between them.
The Trinity?
I was completely horrified to note that one of the carved lines that completed the triangle was additionally traced with a crimson red.
The blood of any living creature will serve as his essence for the ritual?
My stomach lurched yet again as I noticed that a second carved segment seemed to be highlighted by a very thin column of pale flesh, certainly stolen from any one of the numerous corpses behind me.
The rotting flesh of the dead will serve as his essence for the ritual?
?Oh dear God?? I stammered, barely able to form words.
I started to run forward, hoping that separating the medallions would break the Trinity and stop the ritual. But I had barely moved an inch when I felt yet another surprise in this bizarre area: the cold sharp edge of a blade held gently against my throat from behind. An arm pressed against the back of my head, pushing me tighter against the weapon, forcing me to realize that the assailant could very easily kill me at any moment.
?Do not move or I will cut your throat,? a raspy voice hissed into my ear.
I froze.
?You have been through much to get here tonight, Revol Omanei.?
I opened my mouth to protest but felt his grip on the dagger tighten and silenced myself right away.
?Put out the light. Now.?
****.
I let the light in my hands fade and the chamber returned to darkness.
The blade was immediately pulled harmlessly away from my neck, but I was left with a new and bone-crushing pain in its wake. I felt all the muscles in my body tighten and flex in a fraction of a second, and I was completely rigid. I could not move. It was as if I was paralyzed. The sting it caused in me left me wanting to scream, but unable to muster words. It radiated outward from my core, and I could see sparks dancing from my skin.
I was in such pain that I was barely conscious of the fact that a mist-like shroud had settled, giving this area the same eerie glow as the chamber of the Book of Moon. My assailant calmly strode out from behind me and into my line of sight. I struggled to focus my eyes, but all I could make out of the figure was white. Very pale skin and raggedy white clothing, as well as long grey hair.
?Who??? I began, but my jaw locked in place before I could finish, the energy flowing through me racing unbearably.
?By all means, waste your breath, you detestable swine,? the man fired back.
I tried to fight the pain, but it only doubled when I attempted to move.
?The Son of Darkness,? he continued, surveying me with a look of clear disdain as I tried to resist the agony. A grin crossed his face. ?In all of his glory.?
?Who are you?? I managed, finding it hard even to breath through the throbbing.
?I think you already know,? he said slyly, walking slowly closer to me. ?After all, I?ve been watching you for quite some time.?
?What the **** are you talking about?? I shouted, hoping it had sounded as fierce as it was intended to.
He ignored me completely and began twirling the dagger around between his fingertips, the dagger he had almost killed me with. He approached me with a horrifyingly casual stride until his face was just inches from mine. He was a few inches taller than me and appeared much older, his years showing in his face. His breath was putrid.
As I watched in silence, unable to react, I felt another sharp twinge in my arm. It was barely anything compared with the energy that was tearing at my innards, so it took my mind a moment to process what the man had done. Only when he held the dagger close to my face did I see that it was dripping with fresh blood.
?The blood of darkness?? he smirked, an evil glint in his eyes.
My thoughts flashed over the birthmark on my shoulder? the Cross of Darkness that had been a part of me since the day I entered the world.
Very few possess the pure and true lifeblood of darkness?my blood?
?But I was purified!? I blurted. I didn?t know if he was easing up or if I was simply driven by adrenaline, but the pain lessened.
?And are you so sure that it removed all traces of your origin??
The obvious answer was no.
Looking amused by my silence, he bent over and held the bloodied tip of his blade into the third and final incomplete line. Using my own blood as paint before my eyes, he traced out the line and slowly completed the triangle, his dagger scratching noisily against the stone floor.
?You?ll never find the seventh piece of the ritual!? I spat desperately.
?Won?t I?? The attacker paused, laughing. ?I wrote the book on the ritual. And I mean that quite literally.?
It took several moments for the words to register fully. And even when they did, I could not believe my ears. Yet I couldn?t control the look of unmistakable fear that I was sure would show in my expression.
?You?re? Vaega??
He lowered himself in a mocking bow. ?At your service.?
The pain was still excruciating, but I was no longer paying attention to it. My eyes widened in mystified horror and I studied the Acolyte of Thunder? the guardian who was supposed to be preventing this very ritual from ever happening. It didn?t make any sense at all.
?Why would you?? I said, but it was all I could manage.
?I?ll give you three guesses,? he said harshly.
He stared at me in silence for several moments, as if urging me to guess. But the pain had redoubled itself, and I could not think of words to say.
?Clearly you?re a bit tied up at the second, huh?? he mocked. ?I?ll tell you what: I?ll make your guesses for ya. Hmm?? He paused to stroke his chin. ?Perhaps I want the world to be destroyed? No, that isn?t it, but good guess.?
?You?re? insane?? I managed.
?Insane?? he smirked. ?Maybe, but that isn?t the correct guess. Try again.?
He circled around me with slow strides and I felt his elbow hit the back of my neck hard. Then I felt his breath against the back of my neck and heard his voice whispering in my ear:
?Give up? I?ll spoil it then. It?s because Osiris is my master. Bet you never expected it to be that obvious.?
The pain eased up again, and I got the sensation that he was toying with me, giving me chances to speak only when he wanted me to.
?Then? why imprison him?? I choked.
He scoffed. ?If I hadn?t helped, the other Acolytes would have killed me and done it anyway. And then I wouldn?t be here to release him today, now would I??
?You?ll never get away with this?? I had thought for several moments, yet this empty threat was the only thing I could think to say.
?Because you?re in a position to stop me??
He circled back in front of me and I felt his steely gaze burning into me from his colorless and furious eyes. When I made no effort to say anything, he turned his back to me and focused on the complete triangle before him. Each of the golden medallions sparkled happily as Vaega began chanting in some unfamiliar language, waving his dagger as he did so.
My mind jumped from possibility to possibility, but I could think of little.
He is beginning the final ritual? the seventh component must be near. Can I destroy it? Surely not. I can hardly move. But if I could?
My heart sank as I realized that, even if I could move and it was possible to destroy the last piece, I wouldn?t have a clue how to figure out what it was. And Vaega had stopped chanting.
?Why don?t you just kill me?? I hissed as he turned back to me.
?Osiris? entire reason for uncovering his power was to oppose Divino Ravola, to destroy people like you.?
This only made my question more valid, in my mind. ?So why not kill me??
A devilish grin highlighted his face. He reached toward my waist and his fingers wrapped around the hilt of Avasera in its sheath. ?Because I want you to stand by with your foolish friends and watch what your blood does to this world,? he said. ?I could not have done it without you. You brought me the sixth and seventh pieces of the puzzle.?
Every mystery that confused me cleared up instantly as he pulled the dark sword away from me and gripped it tightly. My eyes widened.
He slammed the broad side of the weapon against my head before turning and resuming his chanting. As the words left his mouth, the glitter of the medallions grew. After a few seconds, they seemed to sink into the ground and vanish. The light they had been glowing with slowly spread across the triangle, radiating it with a lustrous gold.
He strolled around the perimeter of the triangle which now seemed to pulsate with light. He stopped on the other side and faced me, Avasera held in both hands, the tip of the blade hanging dangerously over the center of the triangle.
?Son of darkness? it is with great pleasure that I introduce you to your destruction.?
With that, he drove the blade of Avasera into the heart of the triangle. The noise was as if thick glass was shattering all around me. The Trinity exploded into a shower of flaming rock, quickly followed by an enormous shockwave. The power was so immense that it defeated even that which bound me, and I could move again.
But where can I go?
I felt as if I was shattering from within. And, to my vast despair, the light that now poured out of the hole left by the Trinity had begun to slowly rise and take form.
Vaega had betrayed the Acolytes. The ritual was complete. The barrier was broken. Osiris was coming. And I was unarmed in his presence.
At the last possible second, I thought, I noticed a different light, barely contrasting with the blinding glow of the room: Russell?s portal.
He must have sensed the barrier?s destruction. He must be gathering us.
I didn?t care. The chamber was being shredded apart around me by the force of the new power. I had no choice. I dove into the portal as fast as I could, and lost consciousness to fatigue as the portal closed around me.


« Last edited by Seos san Nekros on Sep 20th 2007 »

Crap. I get the impression that the world is a little bit stuffed. I can't believe that all that work he went through was just part of some fiendish trap!

You've certainly managed to get the ominous feling going, so I'm wondering what the other acolytes are going to try to do. Great work!

The following chapter contains quotes from three songs. Spot them all for cake.

I'll now twist the plot some more.

Chapter 29: Loyalty

When I awoke, it was in a most unexpected territory. With my eyes open, it took but an instant for me to realize where I was and an instant longer for the events of the past hours to flood back into my mind. Osiris had returned? and it had been my fault. If I hadn?t been manipulated? a part of me wished I could have forgotten.
I rolled over and pushed myself up off the ground, only to find myself staring at the robed figure of Divino Ravola. My first reaction was one of fear, but then I remembered where I was, it turned to relief: I was standing in the Temple of Ravola, and I was staring at a harmless statue. The stone was stained with a sort of green sand, and I remembered that this was where I had first encountered the cypress.
The Temple seemed to be exactly as it was last time I had seen it, except for one important detail: there was light. The cavernous chamber was basking in a faint white glow that glittered off the green-dusted walls. I turned in my place to find the source.
Before me stood the figure of a man in a white cape with jeweled shoulder braces, surrounded by something of a holy aura. His back was to me, but I could tell who it was. The fact that Russell was here was of little solace to me. My mind wanted to ask him why he had brought me here, but in light of current events, it seemed irrelevant. Besides, my mouth had other plans. It wanted to release words faster than I could think of them.
?Russ, Osiris is back! It?s all my fault! If I had never been a part of this, it could all be over! I keep getting manipulated into doing more bad ****! I?m so sorry! I shouldn?t even be here anymore, I should-?
?Relax, dude, I know what happened.?
I found comfort in his calmness, and in the familiarity of his voice. If he knew of the catastrophe and was acting so passively about it, he must have something in mind to fix the problem.
?So what?s the plan?? I asked hopefully, allowing myself to catch my breath.
?The plan is of no concern to me,? Russell replied, his voice unfaltering. ?I will be dead before the day is done.?
The calmness that had comforted me moments ago now stabbed at me like hot knives.
?I beg your pardon??
?I?m not destined to see the end of this struggle, Revol,? he said softly. ?My part of it ends today. It has been foreseen.?
The silence that followed was eerie. Even more so because I couldn?t figure out why he was calling me by my false name.
?Foreseen by whom?? I shouted, annoyed by the mere notion.
?By me, slick.?
?Russ, nobody?s going to kill you, I?ll make sure of that.?
?To the contrary, my old friend?? he paused on the word for a moment, as if to emphasize it. ?? You will be the one to kill me.?
?What!? I hissed, incredulous. ?Bullshit! What the hell are you talking about??
He responded with his back still turned to me, staring off in the opposite direction. ?My master has risen, and his will is that I should die on this day. I have not served him as I should have. Only now, on my dying day, do I realize his might. But it is too late. I shall be sacrificed for his uprising, and it will be my honor.?
My head seared with confusion. His master had risen?
?Russell, you imprisoned Osiris! You don?t serve him!?
I thought I heard him chuckle. ?My master foretold your ignorance. Don?t you see? Everything has gone as he foretold. My master is absolute.?
?Stop talking like that! Osiris is not your master, and he can be stopped! You can imprison him again or something!?
At this, Russell actually burst out laughing.
?You?re slow, Revol, you know that?? he scoffed. ?I have not served Osiris in many years, nor will I ever do it again.?
He finally turned to face me, and I saw that he was gripping a white katana in each of his hands. More unsettling, however, was the fact that his eyes glinted black through his radiant aura.
?This can?t be real,? I realized, examining the situation. ?You aren?t Russell! This is just an illusion! A dream!?
?And yet, you hesitate.? His voice continued to carry his words with sinister serenity. ?If you are so sure you?re imagining this, why do you hesitate to kill me? No harm can come from killing a man in a hallucination.?
I couldn?t think of any way to reply. Unfortunately, he filled the silence.
?The dreams are done, Riamtar. Welcome to reality.?
He twirled the swords in his hands. I was starting to get the disheartening sensation that I knew what was going on.
?How is he controlling you?? I demanded with a shaky voice. ?You?re a being of light!?
?Amusing,? he muttered. ?I already told you, you fool: my master is absolute.?
?We can get you purified! Come on, Russ, we need to get out of here!?
?Don?t you get it? We are all but pawns on his chess board. Succumb to his will and you can be on the winning end.?
?I won?t fight you, Russell,? I said, gathering defiance. ?I won?t kill you.?
A malicious smirk spread across his face as he met my glare. ?Then you will die.?
He closed the gap between us with three leaping strides, thrusting both of his blades at my skull. I managed to duck out of the way but was met with a lifting knee to the face, knocking me to the ground.
I rolled backward and kicked to my feet just in time to avoid being impaled by a downward plunge from a katana. I reached to my face and found that blood was oozing from my freshly broken nose.
?Russ, stop this!? I half-pleaded, half-commanded. ?I am not your enemy!?
?Aurorie Ultimun.?
Before I could blink, a gargantuan pulse of white light tore from the tips of his weapons and discharged into me, knocking me backward into the statue of Ravola. All the pain of the recent days crashed down with me and I could barely breathe, yet I managed to stand up with ease, fueled by adrenaline. All of the physical pain in the world could not match the dilemma that faced me now. Even the revival of Osiris seemed unimportant to me as I was faced with my best friend and greatest enemy at the same time.
Russell was standing still now, grinning and staring at me, urging me to attack him. Without a thought, I pulled my black jacket off, leaving me with just a black undershirt and pants.
?I do not do Ravola?s bidding anymore, Russell, and neither should you!? I put as much bravado into the words as I could. ?Stop this!?
Russell very calmly tossed one of his swords at me, but it landed at my feet.
He?s arming me?
?Russ, you?re like my brother,? I managed, fighting to restrain tears.
?All those dreams I let you suffer through, all the while knowing what was happening to you, and you think of me as a brother?? Russell scoffed. ?Pathetic.?
Reluctantly, I knelt down and picked up the katana before standing to face him again. But when I did, I held the blade of the weapon against my own throat.
?If I die now, I cannot kill you. Ravola will be proven wrong. Your master will no longer be absolute.?
?Maybe not,? he shrugged, not flinching at all. ?But it won?t really matter, because some of his greatest opposition will be eliminated.?
This stunned me. ?What are you talking about? Most of the Acolytes are more powerful than me! And my dad certainly is!?
?Exactly. The Riamtar bloodline flows through the only warriors in history to fall under the control of darkness and were then strong enough to remove themselves from it.?
?That isn?t true,? I bragged, glad for any small victory here. ?Your master is wrong if he thinks that. Ekio broke free of the shadows too.?
Russell?s face was deathly calm. ?Ekio who??
Then it dawned on me that I had never really known Ekio?s last name, or indeed even if he had one. The realization that he could be a part of my family made me long to see him again? but I could not think about that right now.
?I?m sure my master will move past his error of judgment if a Riamtar is removed from the equation, so by all means, go ahead and cut your head off,? the Acolyte taunted. ?In fact, let me help you!?
He lunged forward and swung his remaining blade horizontally at my neck, but at the last possible second, I parried the attack. He swung several more times at different angles, but I was now determined to make this fight last long enough for me to figure out how to get out of this without killing either of us. I parried every attack he threw.
But he caught me off guard with a straight kick to my knees, tripping me face-first into the ground. I quickly rolled over and raised my katana to block a swipe from his. I kicked him hard with both feet, and the force of impact sent him reeling backwards long enough for me to stand again.
?Russell, you have to listen to me!?
He swung for my legs, but I parried the blow with ease and reacted by swiftly punching him in the jaw. We both took a few steps away from the other, him spitting some blood from his mouth and me wiping some from my nose.
And yet, when he looked up at me, his did with a smile.
?Good,? he mocked. ?You?re starting to get aggressive. Don?t hold it in, Riamtar. Stand up and fight!?
I deflected another strike, but this time he was too quick for me. He immediately side stepped then crouched and drove his crystal-studded shoulder into my hip. I cried out in agony as the studs pierced my flesh, and instinctively brought the hilt of my sword down on the back of his neck. He began to fall, but I lifted him back up with my free hand around his throat, glaring at him for a moment before I rammed my forehead into his and let him fall from my grip.
I had hoped this would knock him unconscious, but he was quickly back on his feet, ready to continue.
?Russ, don?t do this,? I pleaded, barely noticing any physical pain anymore. ?I can?t do this. You don?t want to die. I hate this!?
?Every reason is a right to hate,? Russell said, his voice strange. ?Death is fine, give me mine!?
He reached out and drove his blade into my right shoulder, sending new arcs of pain through my body. When he pulled the blade away, though, I didn?t feel for the cut. I didn?t care how bad the wound was. I was numb.
?Russell, we don?t have to do this??
He growled back at me, ?Only one of us walks away!?
When he charged at me, I kicked his legs out from under him. He collapsed onto his back, his sword flying out of his hand as he did, and I stood over him, pressing the tip of my weapon against his chest as softly as possible.
?Russell, it can?t end this way??
?It doesn?t have to,? he spat. The words were not spoken in his voice. They came out as a snarling hiss. The voice I had heard in recent nightmares. The voice of the serpent. ?All you?ve got to do is bleed and I?ll let you burn!?
Seeing him controlled like that made me snap.
?I?m sorry, Russ??
Steeling my resolve more than I ever had, I forced my blade into his heart.
The black glint was gone from his eyes immediately as blood began to seep out from the fatal wound. I was too stunned by what I had just done to move. I just stood there, looking down on him, seeing my oldest companion die before my eyes.
?See ya in hell, my friend,? he coughed. His last words were spoken from his heart, I believed, and not from Ravola?s twisted mind. But it did not make me feel any better. And to make matters worse, as he closed his eyes for the last time, seven portals flashed into existence behind me. Tears flowed down my face as I felt myself being observed, holding a sword through my best friend?s chest, by fourteen scrutinizing eyes.


« Last edited by Seos san Nekros on Sep 20th 2007 »

Now both of those chapters together, they were at the height of epicness without a doubt. I'll go as far as saying this is the best I've read on this site and probably in my time reading fics. *Thumbs up*

One thing though, in chapter 28: "He turned his back to me and focused on the completely triangle before him."

And that's it.

Wow, didn't see that coming. However, it does open the breach for a whole range of interesting fights between Revola and Osiris...

Regardless, brilliant chapter, and I suspect that "Revol" is going to be in a tiny bit of trouble with the acolytes about this...