Banner by Ozzo
My job is unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn, is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the damn stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and, I'm sure, after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's and, to make things worse, he brings his stupidly big dog to work. Every day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single day.
Anyway, I drive these nice,slow, people around in my van and we solve mysteries and stuff.{Vasco!-Ed} Okay. So despite our entire crazy SC newsletter Drama, we are having one for the Glorious Month of March! Yes, we could have let it die. But we are better than that! Craizen, your lovely SC obsessed Crazy person took it upon himself to whip you up a proper article. We are having some new features, some old ones, and expect new Graphic Banners and rewards. I would love to have help though, because I have no banter skills. So since I humbly wasted two four hours of my spring break you should read it. Also because I am awesome. So be excited, I worked hard on this.
~Contents~
Achievements
Submissions
Reviews
Gfxs Breakdown
Team News
Stuff
Interview
Interview
Spoiler: I lied.April Fools.
click to reveal
Posting Achievements! {Excitement?-ED} Sad Posters 1000 to 3000 Lovely.
Happy posters-4000 to 7000 Craizen-5k
Big Ball of Sunshine Posters-8000 to 12000 Know-Your-Role-10k
K-Dawg-9k
Forgoten_Scars- 8k
Ritalin Posters-13000-20000 I think Derek has some.
The I spend every waking hour on SC instead of doing important things like homework oh and sleep posters-21000+ {You know you want it-ED}
Rlly?
Anniversaries
GoldenPili- Two years
Volke-Seven years
InvertAlpha-Four years
CrazyCheats-Four years
Submissions
Cyndevia-100
El Pollo..El Loco-1600
Shock95-400..Maybe 500 by the time this is posted {Nope. He Disappeared. Whatta Louse-ED}
Glaceon-500
Real Birthdays
Know-Your-Role-16 {Dude, why no come to your party? We had balloons and everything-ED}
Craizen-17
Ryuujin-16
Jirachi X- 19
Team Achievements/News-
Ninetailed Fox- 100k+ Team Posts
R.I.P
Dark Breloom
P.I.R
Austinanymous
StripedPanties {LEXI-CHAN WE LUVE YOUSE-ED}
SykoSef
Twilight Warrior
Tegan41{Be Scared-Matt}{>.<-ED}
Jokes..Everybody loves jokes
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. There are some peanuts in a dish beside him. After a while, he goes to eat one. Before he puts it in his mouth it says, "Sir, that's a very nice shirt you have on tonight." The man thanks then promptly eats it. He reaches for another, and it says, "Have you lost some weight, sir? You look good." The man smiles and eats that one too. He turns to the bartender and says, "Hey, these are some nice peanuts you got here!" The bartender says, "Yes sir, they're complimentary."
A guy is driving down a country road. He sees a bunch of guys walking in a line. Since that's the way he's going, he follows it to the front. At the front of the line are two hearses and a man walking his dog. The man in the car is intrigued, so he gets up and goes over to the man with the dog."What is the front hearse for, sir?" he asks. The guy with the dog says, "Well, my dog attacked and killed my wife." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," the first guy says. "But what's the second hearse for?" The guy replies, "Well, my dog also attacked and killed my mother-in-law." "Oh, I'm sorry for your loss," says the first guy. He walks in silence for a minute, and then asks, "Can I borrow your dog?" The guy with the dog replies, "Get in line."
Note: Somewhat mild language
Spoiler: A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of ******* who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of ******* who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are ****** off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen."
click to reveal
Reviews
Bulletstorm
Do you remember the first time you shot an explosive barrel? That sharp blast not only heralded gamers infatuation with reducing enemies to pulpy puddles, it also laid the foundation for interactive environments in shooters. Clever gunmen have trained their sights on red barrels and other hazards for decades, learning the language of creative carnage. All you know about killing with style using your surroundings has been a prelude to the bloody playground of Bulletstorm.
GI Rating:9.25
Concept: Bulletstorm delivers a boot-full of variety and originality to the stagnating FPS genre
Graphics: Masterful animations, stunning backdrops, and a vibrant color palette assault the senses
Sound: Your ears will be treated to snappy dialogue, top-notch voiceovers, and blood-pumping metal riffs
Playability: The game controls like a dream, allowing you to easily unleash nightmares upon your foes
Entertainment: Perfect for fans of penis jokes, swearing, gore, and tight gameplay
Replay: High
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Spoiler: Going into a game called Bulletstorm I expected a paper-thin story as an excuse for nonstop murder. Instead, I was greeted with a humorous, potty-mouthed opening that fleshes out the dramatic crash-landing of ornery fugitive Grayson Hunt. His quest for revenge on corrupt military leader Sarrano is a goofy sci-fi romp that does not deserve to have its cutscenes skipped.
Bulletstorm offers a degree of character control I have not experienced in an FPS since Mirrorâs Edge. Grayâs kick, slide, and leash allow him to move through and interact with the environment with fluidity. In other games, it would be unthinkable to pull a foe from across the map, strap him with explosives, kick him back into his buddies, and slide away while detonating the bloody mess. Amazing moments like this are easy to pull off in Bulletstorm. The slow-mo effect applied to enemies after being kicked or leashed offers the perfect window of opportunity to boot them towards electric wires or cacti, and the game has a predictive way of guiding the poor soul where you wish. There were only a few instances where I accidentally impaled some sad sack with rebar instead of feeding them to a carnivorous plant. Other than that, racking up points with creative skill shots is a reliably cathartic experience.
Skillshots are necessary to gain points to spend on weapon upgrades and ammo, but theyâre riotous fun in their own right. Working similarly to trophies and achievements, players earn hundreds of points by dispatching foes according to dozens of general and weapon-specific criteria. For example, the "French Revolution" skillshot is pulled off by decapitating multiple foes with a chain flail, and "Fan-tastick" is earned by launching a foe into the air and impaling him into the ceiling with a rotating spike, turning him into a human fan. The weapons themselves are some of the most creative and entertaining Iâve seen outside of an Insomniac title, including a quadruple-barreled shotgun that evaporates enemies like the playground scene from Terminator 2. Combine these weapon challenges with the general thrill of combat and youâll be hard-pressed to find a mundane encounter.
When youâre not mowing through legions of foes, youâre dropped into larger-than life moments, like one that has Gray fleeing a tremendous runaway cog on a tram while you blast gas tanks to knock the wheel off course. In another scenario Gray giddily guides a remote-controlled Mecha Godzilla lookalike through a miniature city, blasting apart buildings and enemies.
In addition to the single-player campaign, Bulletstorm offers Echoes and Anarchy modes. Echoes takes sections from single-player maps and lets friends compete with each other for the highest score. Knocking friends down the ladder is a nice distraction, but only score fiends will want to play this after beating the main game. Anarchy is a cooperative horde mode in which four players work together to earn skill points to progress through waves. Playing catch with foes using the leash and teaming up to kick a jerk into a gigantic Dino's maw is a good time, but the higher level waves are impossible without constant communication. Hooking up four consoles in a room among good friends is your best bet, but even then the handful of maps start to feel repetitive after your tenth time attempting to get past wave 15.
Bulletstorm is an exceptional shooter brimming with personality and originality, but the concept is spread too thin in the later levels. New homicidal toys are constantly introduced in the first three-quarters of the game, which makes the final few hours a little stale. Mix in a ho-hum ending and the stellar experience goes out on a bit of a low note.
Small gripes aside, thereâs no denying Bulletstorm is blissful action. Epic Games/People Can Flyâs sadistic opus arrives at a time when most shooters do little more than let you blast dudes in the head while things explode. Bulletstorm has those things, but also lets you shoot a man in the testicles and kick slide his head off.
ALL CREDIT GOES TO GAME INFORMER. SEND ME REVIEWS PANCAKE MIXES
http://www.gameinformer.com...arm.aspxclick to reveal
Dead Space Two
GI Rating 9.0
Concept: Isaac Clark is infected, and his sanity is slowly trickling away. His mental state becomes the backbone of Dead Space 2âs plot and action. Can Isaac save mankind from the spreading necromorph virus, or is he a new threat?
Graphics: An astounding level of detail accompanies every object. The level designs also give no hint of where enemies may be lying in wait
Sound: If you turn off the volume, it isnât the same game. Much of the tension is brought to life by excellent sound design and music that flows with the on-screen horror
Playability: The gunplay mechanics and payoff for most of the shots you fire couldnât be better. The escalating difficulty brings unwanted tension as the game nears its conclusion
Entertainment: A dread-drenched experience that finds new ways to scare and reward Dead Space fans
Replay: High
When Isaac Clarke boarded the derelict mining vessel USG Ishimura, his actions were fueled by hope. His girlfriend Nicole was stranded on this ship. He did everything in his power to reach her. His search only led to death. The Ishimura was contaminated by a biological threat. Everyone aboard it, including his love, was lost to the disease. Although Isaac survived, he couldnât outrun the contagion. He was infected.
In Dead Space 2, Isaac isnât a stalwart hero spitting out one-liners. Heâs a flawed character. His deteriorating state of mind adds tension to an already unnerving atmosphere. He sees ghosts, and his consciousness periodically shifts from reality to a horrifying memory.
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Spoiler: Not being able to trust a gameâs protagonist puts the player in a precarious position. I found myself second-guessing Isaacâs actions. Is he battling people infected with the virus? Is his mind creating apparitions? Or, worse yet, is it tricking him into harming uninfected people? The race to find a cure becomes Isaacâs priority.
The feeling of helplessness is established early on, and the sequences that follow are drenched in suspense and ambiguity. Compared to Isaacâs time aboard the Ishimura, Dead Space 2âs scares are bigger, the tension is greater, and the threat created by the virus makes every shot you fire count. This is one of the most emotionally and physically draining games Iâve played.
Dead Space 2âs new setting, the Sprawl, a heavily populated space station built on one of Saturnâs moons, contributes greatly to the heightened unease. The Ishimura housed only its workforce, whereas the Sprawl is a home for families. This means that the infection strikes children and even newborns. Battling a seven-foot beast that vomits acidic bile and tries to impale Isaac with razor-sharp appendages is one thing, but watching a mother cradle a necromorph baby will haunt my nightmares until I die.
The Sprawlâs architecture is quite different than the Ishimuraâs. Well-lit shopping districts, personalized housing, and a rainbow-filled nursery all provide a false sense of security and normalcy to scenarios that are anything but. A room void of danger is often accompanied by a claw scratching a door, rattling footsteps overhead, or muffled screams coming from a distant area. The sound design is pitch-perfect, and the accompanying score makes the scares seem bigger than they really are.
Although Isaac still uses many of the same tools from his previous entanglement, the setting â and new threats that lurk within it â give Dead Space 2 a decidedly different feel.
The team at Visceral Games has gone out of its way to ensure that the player never feels comfortable during the game. Not only does Isaac hallucinate, but creatures burst through walls when you least expect them to.
At no point in this game did I feel that Isaac had the upper hand. Enemies are not only greater in number this time around, they are stronger and better protected. De-limbing specific necromorph types takes an entire clip of ammo. I often found myself using kinesis to hurl every object in a room at a monster, praying that one shot impales the beast or at least knocks it back long enough for me to reload.
While I appreciate the challenge the team has created, I have to call them out on the design of many of the combat scenarios. As Isaac is engaging a threat directly in front of him, foes will drop from vents behind him. If Isaac had a rearview mirror on his helmet, I wouldnât have a problem with this, but too many of my deaths came from an unregistered foe attacking me from behind.
Tack these unfair spawns onto a game that is brutally difficult to begin with, and many of your screams will come not from horror, but frustration. The balance is perfect through the first half of the game, allowing for fluid progression while still making you thankful for every ammo clip an enemy drops. As the plot unravels, the difficulty increases with each new encounter. Unbeatable foes are thrown into both puzzle and standard combat operations, and elevator rides are packed with necromorphs. I found that the normal difficulty setting felt more like hard or expert in similar games.
As drained of energy as I was at the end of battle, Dead Space 2 often rewarded my effort with action-packed cinematics. Some of these moments blend seamlessly with unique gameplay sequences, much like Uncharted 2 does. I wonât spoil anything for you, but I will say that a sequence taking place aboard a train and another involving a needle are front-runners for Game Informerâs Moments of the Year for 2011.
Disorienting zero-gravity sequences (of which there are many), and a handful of clever âhow do I open that door?â puzzles are peppered into the action at just the right times.
The excitement also stretches to Dead Space 2âs multiplayer component, where players get the chance to hunt mankind as the necromorph legion.
In a similar vein to Valveâs Left 4 Dead, all of the matches pit a human team against necromorphs. As the human team feverishly attempts to complete objectives, the necromorphs are tasked with slowing their progress, usually by ripping off their heads or chopping off their legs. I enjoyed my time playing as both sides. Controlling the necromorphs leads to cringe-worthy highlight reels, but these murderous thrills are matched by the feeling of accomplishment that comes with a well-oiled human team that coordinates tactics.
The matches are quickly paced thanks to spawn points that allow necromorphs to crawl out of a vent just feet away from a human opponent. The action is relentless, and post-match kill counts are usually through the roof. Each kill earns you experience points that unlock higher ranks (60 in total) and new armor as well as weapon upgrades. In two hours of match time, I reached level four. Another two hours got me to six. It will take days to reach the cap.
Dead Space 2 is a monster of a sequel, offering bigger scares and more excitement than I expected. I enjoyed Isaac as a silent protagonist in the original game, and I find I like him even more now that heâs found his voice. Iâm still confused by the scientific explanations for the contagion and how it is linked to the obelisk-like Marker, but I like where Isaacâs story is going. The tease for Dead Space 3 has my head spinning with questions.
ALL CREDIT FOR REVIEW GOES TO GAME INFORMER. SEND THEM IN!
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Next Month:
The Youse
Portal two Review written by Moi
And I am sad to inform that is all for now. I hope to do better next month. I will accept cool intro jokes and any help I can receive. Sayonara!
Writers and Staff:
Craizen, the Majority
Vasco, Opening Joke
Kazulsk8er,Jokes not in spoiler
www.gameinformer.com, reviews
We do not apologize for missed things.
« Last edited by Craizen on Apr 1st 2011 »