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Follow the dark path or use the light
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The Fire (Poem)

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BURNOUTFREAK Posted: 21:26 Jun14 2011 Post ID: 3020406
BURNOUTFREAK
edgy
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The Fire

Is it worth burning to shout out your name?
Your beautiful mystery sets my heart aflame
Through the light in your eyes I could easily tell;
That you are burning inside for me as well.

Our heartflame combined can burn the city down,
Leave ashes of love where once was a town!
The people around tried to tell us it?s wrong:
A fool could easily see these bonfires belong?

While the embers of love continues to glow,
The fire inside us continues to grow.
We?ll guide each other with torches so bright,
I?ll be the trusty lantern that will protect you at night.

The blaze inside burning with passionate heat.
We do not fear those before us, we don?t know defeat.
Fire that?s burning and making us strong:
A fool could easily see these bonfires belong?

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Sotek Posted: 05:01 Jun16 2011 Post ID: 3021662
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Not bad. Not great, but not bad either. I'll point out now that I have no problem with the subject or the words. In fact, the metaphor used throughout is cosistently well done.

In fact, the only problem I have is the rhythem. Try reading the poem aloud, and you might see what I mean. I won't give an example of how I would have achieved this, as it's your poem, and I suspect I'd lose some of the things that make it unique. All in all, not bad. Not bad at all.

Seeing as I now have three short stories posted, I figure I may as well put all of them in my bio, so go there for links to "The Lab", "Daemon" and "Afterlife". Additionally, you should read my fic, The Crystals of Narlkant
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aleeza Posted: 23:42 Dec21 2014 Post ID: 3364839
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A Large group of unknown pokemon travel the world looking for stories about there ancestors. There adventure is just beginning when they find the dark and light stones telling them about the history of Reshiram and Zekrom. But now this Role play will acknowledge These pokemon and their travel and adventure stories and how they got along.
sara
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Tough_Nut Posted: 06:59 Feb08 2016 Post ID: 3401492
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Veery nice, I like the poetry written with love and passionSmile
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Lena01 Posted: 09:40 Oct30 2017 Post ID: 3437905
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nice poem ,, wanna read again .)) thank you for the post )) and replies.
Smile
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