BURNOUTFREAK Posted: 21:26 Jun14 2011
Post ID: 3020406
BURNOUTFREAK
edgy
Posts: 4,843
Post Likes: 97
Post Likes: 97
The Fire
Is it worth burning to shout out your name?
Your beautiful mystery sets my heart aflame
Through the light in your eyes I could easily tell;
That you are burning inside for me as well.
Our heartflame combined can burn the city down,
Leave ashes of love where once was a town!
The people around tried to tell us it?s wrong:
A fool could easily see these bonfires belong?
While the embers of love continues to glow,
The fire inside us continues to grow.
We?ll guide each other with torches so bright,
I?ll be the trusty lantern that will protect you at night.
The blaze inside burning with passionate heat.
We do not fear those before us, we don?t know defeat.
Fire that?s burning and making us strong:
A fool could easily see these bonfires belong?
Is it worth burning to shout out your name?
Your beautiful mystery sets my heart aflame
Through the light in your eyes I could easily tell;
That you are burning inside for me as well.
Our heartflame combined can burn the city down,
Leave ashes of love where once was a town!
The people around tried to tell us it?s wrong:
A fool could easily see these bonfires belong?
While the embers of love continues to glow,
The fire inside us continues to grow.
We?ll guide each other with torches so bright,
I?ll be the trusty lantern that will protect you at night.
The blaze inside burning with passionate heat.
We do not fear those before us, we don?t know defeat.
Fire that?s burning and making us strong:
A fool could easily see these bonfires belong?
Sotek Posted: 05:01 Jun16 2011
Post ID: 3021662
Sotek
Posts: 1,080
Post Likes: 0
Post Likes: 0
Not bad. Not great, but not bad either. I'll point out now that I have no problem with the subject or the words. In fact, the metaphor used throughout is cosistently well done.
In fact, the only problem I have is the rhythem. Try reading the poem aloud, and you might see what I mean. I won't give an example of how I would have achieved this, as it's your poem, and I suspect I'd lose some of the things that make it unique. All in all, not bad. Not bad at all.
Seeing as I now have three short stories posted, I figure I may as well put all of them in my bio, so go there for links to "The Lab", "Daemon" and "Afterlife". Additionally, you should read my fic, The Crystals of Narlkant
In fact, the only problem I have is the rhythem. Try reading the poem aloud, and you might see what I mean. I won't give an example of how I would have achieved this, as it's your poem, and I suspect I'd lose some of the things that make it unique. All in all, not bad. Not bad at all.
Seeing as I now have three short stories posted, I figure I may as well put all of them in my bio, so go there for links to "The Lab", "Daemon" and "Afterlife". Additionally, you should read my fic, The Crystals of Narlkant
aleeza Posted: 23:42 Dec21 2014
Post ID: 3364839
aleeza
Posts: 1
Post Likes: 0
Post Likes: 0
A Large group of unknown pokemon travel the world looking for stories about there ancestors. There adventure is just beginning when they find the dark and light stones telling them about the history of Reshiram and Zekrom. But now this Role play will acknowledge These pokemon and their travel and adventure stories and how they got along.
sara
Tough_Nut Posted: 06:59 Feb08 2016
Post ID: 3401492
Tough_Nut
Posts: 30
Post Likes: 0
Post Likes: 0
Veery nice, I like the poetry written with love and passion
Lena01 Posted: 09:40 Oct30 2017
Post ID: 3437905
Lena01
Posts: 3
Post Likes: 2
Post Likes: 2
nice poem ,, wanna read again .)) thank you for the post )) and replies.
Currently viewing this thread:
REPLY IN THIS THREAD
Users under 13 are not eligible to post on the SuperCheats forums.
Post
Top
