Matt77 Posted: 11:02 Aug15 2014
Post ID: 3337197
Matt77
The Chosen One
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I decided to do a bit of creative writing, and this is what I've written so far:
Darkness. All I see when I awake from my dream. Not any of the old dirt on the ceiling, not the grey silk curtains, not the creaky old table sitting by the window. Just darkness. Pure darkness. I roll over to check the time. 3:12AM. Ugh, not another one of these midnight awakenings. These have been occurring quite frequently lately, where I wake from my dream to find the time to be exactly 3:12 in the morning. I can never figure out why it happens to me, let alone why the time is always 3:12. I lie back down to try to return to my dream, but like always, I can't. I just lie there until sunrise, thinking about everything. About the lies, the darkness, the others.
I decide to stand. I walk along to the table, touching the walls to guide me through the dark. Slowly stepping along, I find the table. Sitting here always brings me peace; I've never understood why. While I sit, I feel the cool breeze flow through the small window. I stand once again, this time walking over to the window. I peer out into the street. Not a single speck of light to be seen other than the moonlight. I slowly stroll back to bed. When I turn to look at the clock, it says 3:12. Of course, my only way to tell the time during this darkness is gone. I collapse on top of the hard mattress and try to sleep. Try to re-visit my dreams; of hope.
So, what do you think? I wrote this quite quickly so it's obviously not perfect, but let me know what you think. (it is not completed)
« Last edited by Matt77 on Jul 13th 2016 »
Credits to KingofCorn for the awesome avatar!
Darkness
Darkness. All I see when I awake from my dream. Not any of the old dirt on the ceiling, not the grey silk curtains, not the creaky old table sitting by the window. Just darkness. Pure darkness. I roll over to check the time. 3:12AM. Ugh, not another one of these midnight awakenings. These have been occurring quite frequently lately, where I wake from my dream to find the time to be exactly 3:12 in the morning. I can never figure out why it happens to me, let alone why the time is always 3:12. I lie back down to try to return to my dream, but like always, I can't. I just lie there until sunrise, thinking about everything. About the lies, the darkness, the others.
I decide to stand. I walk along to the table, touching the walls to guide me through the dark. Slowly stepping along, I find the table. Sitting here always brings me peace; I've never understood why. While I sit, I feel the cool breeze flow through the small window. I stand once again, this time walking over to the window. I peer out into the street. Not a single speck of light to be seen other than the moonlight. I slowly stroll back to bed. When I turn to look at the clock, it says 3:12. Of course, my only way to tell the time during this darkness is gone. I collapse on top of the hard mattress and try to sleep. Try to re-visit my dreams; of hope.
So, what do you think? I wrote this quite quickly so it's obviously not perfect, but let me know what you think. (it is not completed)
« Last edited by Matt77 on Jul 13th 2016 »
~ Sometimes people change, but sometimes you just open your eyes & realise who they truly are ~
Credits to KingofCorn for the awesome avatar!
steelersrock01 Posted: 11:28 Aug15 2014
Post ID: 3337201
steelersrock01
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It isn't bad, though the whole 'trapped in darkness' thing is a bit cliche. Not bad writing though. Remember to try and say what you want to say in as few words as possible; nobody likes too much fluff.
Warrior13 Posted: 11:28 Aug15 2014
Post ID: 3337202
Warrior13
Jimo Dashen
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I think it's a good start.
I'd like to see the finished project, once you've completed it.
Mike: I kinda like that fluff. XD
« Last edited by Warrior13 on Aug 15th 2014 »
I'd like to see the finished project, once you've completed it.
Mike: I kinda like that fluff. XD
« Last edited by Warrior13 on Aug 15th 2014 »
steelersrock01 Posted: 11:34 Aug15 2014
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steelersrock01
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Eh. There's nothing wrong with a bit of flowery description every once in a while. But some people let their overuse of imagery and description take over their writing and the message can get buried.
For example:
is too much description.
For example:
is too much description.
Warrior13 Posted: 12:40 Aug15 2014
Post ID: 3337219
Warrior13
Jimo Dashen
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Obviously, that's being too descriptive. XD
KingofCorn Posted: 12:57 Aug15 2014
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KingofCorn
Avoid the Noid.
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No wonder he can't sleep he has a hard mattress!
Matt77 Posted: 22:01 Aug15 2014
Post ID: 3337377
Matt77
The Chosen One
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What you failed to realise is that she is a woman XD (this was going to be mentioned later)
Thanks for your feedback guys! I actually do think I made it a bit too descriptive, so I'll adjust how I write when I write the next block.
« Last edited by Matt77 on Aug 15th 2014 »
Credits to KingofCorn for the awesome avatar!
Thanks for your feedback guys! I actually do think I made it a bit too descriptive, so I'll adjust how I write when I write the next block.
« Last edited by Matt77 on Aug 15th 2014 »
~ Sometimes people change, but sometimes you just open your eyes & realise who they truly are ~
Credits to KingofCorn for the awesome avatar!
KingofCorn Posted: 22:48 Aug15 2014
Post ID: 3337395
KingofCorn
Avoid the Noid.
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Well just keep it up.
Warrior13 Posted: 23:41 Aug15 2014
Post ID: 3337417
Warrior13
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Matt: Seriously, keep it up. You have a good start, and I personally think you're pretty good.
I too have been doing some writing lately. My ultimate goal is to write a book. I have the first chapter done and know where I'm going with it, but I've been procrastinating on continuing.
I too have been doing some writing lately. My ultimate goal is to write a book. I have the first chapter done and know where I'm going with it, but I've been procrastinating on continuing.
Matt77 Posted: 00:49 Aug16 2014
Post ID: 3337432
Matt77
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Well good for you! I hope you finish the book!
And thanks again Warrior.
Credits to KingofCorn for the awesome avatar!
And thanks again Warrior.
~ Sometimes people change, but sometimes you just open your eyes & realise who they truly are ~
Credits to KingofCorn for the awesome avatar!
Alana|D Posted: 01:21 Aug16 2014
Post ID: 3337440
Alana|D
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
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In this sentence you said "sitting my the". I'm sure you meant "sitting by the". That's the only mistake I saw. Good beginning so far. ^.^
KingofCorn Posted: 02:15 Aug16 2014
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KingofCorn
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I could write an RP if some people were willing to join me.
« Last edited by KingofCorn on Aug 16th 2014 »
« Last edited by KingofCorn on Aug 16th 2014 »
Matt77 Posted: 04:29 Aug16 2014
Post ID: 3337485
Matt77
The Chosen One
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Thanks Alana :D
KoC - What even happened to that RP you were gonna start?
Credits to KingofCorn for the awesome avatar!
KoC - What even happened to that RP you were gonna start?
~ Sometimes people change, but sometimes you just open your eyes & realise who they truly are ~
Credits to KingofCorn for the awesome avatar!
KingofCorn Posted: 07:59 Aug16 2014
Post ID: 3337502
KingofCorn
Avoid the Noid.
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Lost inspiration. I just wasn't into that story anymore.
steelersrock01 Posted: 10:17 Aug16 2014
Post ID: 3337550
steelersrock01
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Yeah, don't take what I said the wrong way. I do think it's good. I just wanted to give some general tips I've been told over and over again.
Also, if any of you are interested in more lengthy pieces (like a novel or journal article), Scrivener is an excellent writing management program.
Also, if any of you are interested in more lengthy pieces (like a novel or journal article), Scrivener is an excellent writing management program.
Warrior13 Posted: 13:25 Aug16 2014
Post ID: 3337679
Warrior13
Jimo Dashen
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Matt: Sure thing. I have to get started on Chapter 2 first though. XD
Alana: I saw that too. Just assumed it was a typo.
Mike: I don't think he did. Those were some good tips.
Alana: I saw that too. Just assumed it was a typo.
Mike: I don't think he did. Those were some good tips.
Matt77 Posted: 23:25 Aug16 2014
Post ID: 3337896
Matt77
The Chosen One
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Steelers - Writing is more of a hobby for me. I don't think I'd like to do that in the future as a career but thanks anyway!
Credits to KingofCorn for the awesome avatar!
~ Sometimes people change, but sometimes you just open your eyes & realise who they truly are ~
Credits to KingofCorn for the awesome avatar!
steelersrock01 Posted: 10:32 Aug17 2014
Post ID: 3338003
steelersrock01
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I understand. It's useful for keeping yourself organized if you have a lot of characters or settings. Just something to keep in mind, even if it's just a hobby.
Matt77 Posted: 19:11 Aug17 2014
Post ID: 3338140
Matt77
The Chosen One
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Post Likes: 275
In most things I write I get into this annoying habit of adding in multiple characters that just ruin the story. I'll be sure to stop that with this story.
Credits to KingofCorn for the awesome avatar!
~ Sometimes people change, but sometimes you just open your eyes & realise who they truly are ~
Credits to KingofCorn for the awesome avatar!
KingofCorn Posted: 19:32 Aug17 2014
Post ID: 3338156
KingofCorn
Avoid the Noid.
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What are your stories about? Mine are about survival or combat. I'm sure that surprises you.
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