I'm sorry for your sake. You're just fed up and walking away from Nintendo? Have you not at least tried Animal Crossing mobile? I can't blame you there.
I'm kinda waiting for details about the Pokemon and Fire Emblem mainstream titles coming to the Switch next year, they decide if I do invest. Pokken Tournament, Xenoblade 2, and FE Warriors look great but it just ain't enough :/
I'd get bored of Splatoon I think and you can't play two player without two Switches, which is a big no-no. Arms is a bland, confusing mess. Don't know where they were going there. And Zelda has just never interested me.
So honestly? I'm in the same spot as you about the Switch atm, I'm just willing to change my mind.
I'm a wandering tactician, here to help those in need. My strategies are yours.