Lol! What the smeg?!
Red Dwarf! ^_^
"So this is really me? A no-style gimbo with teeth druids could use as a place of worship?" - Duane, Cat's alter-ego
"There'll be time for introductions later, and maybe some sex." - Ace Rimmer, Arnold's strange alter-ego
"No silicon heaven? Preposterous! Where would all the calculators go?" - Kryten being psychological
"The thought occurs that we haven't actually reached earth. The even further thought occurs that we haven't budged a smegging inch." - Arnold Rimmer, reflecting on his instellar, erm - travel
Rimmer: Give me...give me Lister's. Just the remarks.
Holly: David Lister, Technician, third class. Captain's remarks: "Has requested sick leave due to diarrorhea on no less than five hundred occasions. Left his previous job as a supermarket trolley attendant after ten years because he didn't want to get tied down to a career. Promotion prospects: zero."
Rimmer: I always liked Captain Hollister. Such a great reader of men, was Captain Hollister. A marvellous, marvellous man and a tragic loss to us all. Alright, Holly, give me... give me mine.
Holly: Arnold Rimmer, Technician, second Class. Captain's remarks: "There's a saying amongst the officers: If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well. If it's not worth doing, give it to Rimmer. He aches for responsibility but constantly fails the engineering exam."
Rimmer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Holly, Holly. I want MY report. Rimmer. Two M's, E, R.
Holly: "Astoundingly zealous. Possibly mad. Probably has more teeth than brain cells. Promotion prospects: comical."
Rimmer: No no no no no, Holly. I want RIMMER! That's two R's, one at the front, one at the back! - Holly and Rimmer discussing the computer's personal files
Lister: What, they fixed your core program and then decided they'd be better off without you?
Holly: Yeah, it was shortly after they'd met me. - I loved that episode... Nanarchy pwns! =D
Cat: Come on bud, you're not doing anything I wouldn't do!
Rimmer: What? You'd sacrifice your life for the sake of the crew?
Cat: No, I'd sacrifice YOUR life for the sake of the crew. - Cat's warped philosophy
"Frankenstein was the creator, not the monster. It's a common misconception, held by all truly stupid people." - Kryten's warped philosophy
"I owe Mr. Lister everything, Sir. If it wasn't for him, I'd be normal." - More of Kryten's hilarious but warped philosophy