JOKES

We give you the best joke i recieve via email every week! This one comes from Slipknot837 because no one else emailed jokes :(

First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"

Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."

The teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."

She does and gets a cookie.

The teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.

Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."

The teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."

Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.

He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."

The teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."

This one comes from Billie Joe Armstrong (ive changed now its best joke everyday :P)

The other day i went to the local religious store,where i saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker.I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car,and im really glad i did.What an uplifting expeireince.
I was stopped at the light at a busy intersetion,just lost in thought about the lord,and didnt notice that the light had changed.That bumper sticker really worked!I found los of people who love jesus.Why,the guy behind me started to honk like crazy.He must REALLY love the lord because pretty soon,he leaned out his window and yelled "JESUS CHRIST" as loud as he could.It was like a football game with him shouting "GO JESUS CHRIST GO!!!!"
Every1 else started honking too,so i leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those loving people.There must have been a guy from florida back there because i could hear yelling about a sunny beach(SOB) and saw him waving in a funny way with his middle finger stuck up in the air.I asked my 2 kids what that meantThey looked at each other and giggled.They told me it was the hawaiin good luck sign.So,i leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sighn back.
Several cars behind a very nice man stepped out of his car and yelled something,i couldnt hear him very well,but it sounded lke mother trucker or mothers from there.Mayby hes from florida too.he must really love the lord.A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me.I bet they wanted to pray,but just then i noticed the liht had turned yellow,and stepped on the gas.And a good thing i did,because i was the only 1 to get across the intersection.i looked back at them standing there.I leaned out the window gave them a big smile and held up the hawiian good
luck sign as i drove away

Another one from Billie Joe (this guy has all the best jokes :P) REASONS TO BE A GUY!
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hairdressers dont rob you blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed un-made.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfullness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If somone forgots to invite you to something he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is 10$ for a three pack.
If your 36 and single,no one notices.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
Three pairs of shoes are enough.
You dont have to clean if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quitely watch a game with your buddy for hours without thinking"is he mad at me"
Wedding dress=2000$ Tuxuedo rental=75$
You are not exepted to know more than 5 colours.
You know which way to turn a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see the wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years.
Your belly usually hids your big hips.(BDW not mine im 5 stone)
No offence to any girls that may be offended to some of the above.

-OPENED-
Now everyone can post jokes!
New Rule:
You can only post one joke at a time

Ok I have s short one...you are SO UGLY that when you went to a ugly contest,the judges said "sorry but you would do better in the PRO section."

-UPDATE-
If your doing 'Your so stupid, your so fat' etc. jokes you can place as many as you want in one post

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

omg those are really funny how about this,

your mommas so fat when she sees a school bus she yells twinkie!!!

lol, nice blonde jokes, and your mommas so fat joke.


your mommas so fat, she sat on a rainbow and all the skittles fell out.

your mommas so fat, she went into the ocean and all the whales sang 'we are family'

your mommas so dumb, she climbed out of a window to see what was outside.


thats all i got. (eveyone knows that im just joking, right?)

I've got one:

I went to the shop-So did the fat lady
I bought an ballon-So did the fat lady
I put a pin in it-So did the fat lady
It burst-So did the fat lady!

A little boy ran into the kitchen crying. His mom tryed to comfort him. "Now, now" she soothed "What happened?". The little boy sniffed "I was watching daddy built the treehouse & he nailed his thumb" The mom hugged her son "Hey, a strong young man like you shouldn't cry over an accident like that; why didn't you just laugh?" *sniff* "I did"

ok... Thats still nice though howabout your mommas so stupid and your so ugly when you were born she wanted to stick you back up there and get an abortion

I have couple...

*your momma is so fat,then when she stepped on a gamecube,it turned into a gameboy !

*your mommas so fat that when she stepped on a scale,it said "to be continued"

*your so dumb that when you needed money for a computer game,you sold your computer.

*Your so ugly, when you were born your mom said "What a treasure" & your dad said "Yeah, let's bury it!"

Yo momma is so fat, she went outta the house in high heels, and came back with flip flops!

Here's a funny one.

There's this girl that loves Fridays. Every Friday, she runs out of school and goes to random places and says TGIF. So, one day, she runs out of school yelling TGIF. She goes to a building and enters an elevator. There was a man, and she tells him TGIF. The man looks at her and asks "What does TGIF mean?" She answers "Thank God It's Friday". The man looks at her and yells out "SH*T!" The girl looks at him and asks "Why did you say that?" He answers "Sh*tHead, It's Thursday."

ok.... thought, you said it was funny... that one was kinda stupid

3 Men were being executed by the firing squad.The first man was asked if he had a final words & he yelled "Earthquake!" everybody fled and he got away.The second man was asked if he had any final words & he yelled "Tornado!" everybody fled and he got away.The third man was asked if he had any final words & he yelled "Fire!"

Obviously someone doesn't get it.

Never mind, i didnt get it at first, i do now, sry; guess i wasn't paying attetion.

Your moma's so skinny and ugly, that when she turns sideways you can't see her and when she turns frontways, you'd wish she'd turn sideways.