JOKES

lol That was funny.but harsh.

Harsh? How is it harsh?

skinny ugly, harsh. Hey but I like'd it!

Why is a pony always sad? When he wants something, his mother always say neigh.

ok heres one
Your so ugly when your were born the doctors didnt know if they slapped the head or the bottom.

Your mom is so ugly when she was born her mom said "what a treasure"
then your dad said "great....lets go bury it"

Enough of the damn your mom jokes. They arent funny.

I think this should me made private again because people are posting crap jokes (no offence) that are ofending some people.I will e-mail rooku/annemanfran52 later.

what kind of jokes you want storyline or offensive jopkes here i have 3

1:
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual., "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

2:
A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.

Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..."

The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

3:
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says, "Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought - I can't figure out how to get started."

Her friend asks, "What's the puzzle of?"

"From the picture on the box, I'd guess it's a tiger," replied the blonde.

The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. Then, he turns to her and says, "I'm afraid that no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of the tiger on the box."

"Why not?" asks the disappointed blonde.

"Because, you didn't buy a jigsaw puzzle... what you have here is a box of Frosted Flakes."

Ok I got one!

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

Here's another!

An unmarried woman is newly pregnant and gets into an auto accident. She suffers a head injury and lapses into a coma for nine months. When she awakens in the hospital, she panics and asks about her baby.

Her doctor is called in and gives her a mild sedative, then he sits down to answer her questions. "I'm so happy to see you recovering", he says. The woman responds, "Thank you doctor, but what about my baby? Is everything all right?" He replies, "Yes, despite your injury, we were able to perform a fairly normal delivery procedure."

"In fact," he goes on, "you've given birth to twins - a boy and a girl". The woman is very happy and asks when she can see her new babies. The doctor replies, "Right away, but we've already sent the infants home with your brother. We'll call and tell him you're okay. While you were unconscious, your brother took care of everything for you. He even gave the babies names."

At this point, the woman gets upset, "Doctor, my brother is an idiot! What name did he give my little girl?" The doctor answered that her name was Denise. "Oh, Denise, that's not so bad. What name did he give my boy?" The doctor answered, "Denephew".

Erm.. I got one funny one. Haha.

One day, a British man came to Singapore to go sightseeing. He could not understand how the doors in buildings work. He called his Singaporean friend and asked him how to get through the doors. The friend answered: "Just follow the signs. For example, you see a door that says "Pull". You pull it."

The British man followed his words and soon, he got charged in hospital with a backache.

"It's all your fault!" the British man accused his friend when he came into the British man's ward.

"Why?" "Well, after pushing and pulling a lot of doors, I found a sign that says 'Lift'."

XD

Here's a sort of good one. And try not to get offended by this for some people. I just chose random members, except for one.

So, when people die, they are tested to see if they are allowed in heaven. There is this river, and it tests your holiness. The lower in the water you go, the less chance you have getting into heaven. So, there are a group of members, and they go across the river. RJ walks over the river with it barely going up his foot. He makes it and waits for his friends. And then next, Xtreme Gamer goes, the water goes up to his knees, and makes it over. And finally, Screen goes across the river. At first, it goes up to his ankle, and doens't freak out. Then, the water keeps going higher, from his knees, to his hip, and up to his chest. Finally, it goes up to his neck, and he has to keep his head up to get across. He makes it over, and RJ runs over to him. "Man, Screen. I didn't think you would make it over." "Yeah, RJ. I wouldn't have made it if I hadn't been standing on Team Supercheats's shoulders."

LMMFAO!!!! That's great, but a little mean don't you think? Ok here's two!

What do Nike shoes and the KKK have in common? They both make black dudes run faster

Minne Mouse is in her cabin in the winter, she sees her name written in the snow in pee, so she calls the police. They take a sample, and call her back the next day. "Ok Minne, I've got good news and bad news." "Oh ok, tell me." "The good news is it's Goofy's urine, the bad news is it's Mickey's handwritting!"

Well, I did want to nag on Rich, so I just did him. That and since this is his site, people would have to make fun of him every now and then.

there was a blonde a redhead and a brnette who were all friends
they all went to lovely hotel and the reception lady told them "dont forget to try out our latest feature, the mirror of truth. if you tell something truthful, you get a wish granted. but if you say something dishonest, you will be banished into a life of eternity"
eager to try this out, the brunette goes first, saying "i think i am the most beautiful of us all" instantly, she gets the keys to a brand new ferrari.
the redhead goes next, saying "i think i am the smartest of us all" her purse gets filled up with gold, and plenty of it.
finally, the blonde goes, saying "i think..." and is immediately sucked into eternity

ok, this isnt a joke, its a brainbuster...

if it takes 2 hrs to dig a hole, how long does it take to dig half a hole?

There's a Polish lumberjack guy. He is tired of sawing all those tress. He saw a new chainsaw in the store. It said cuts the trees easy and faster. He brought it. He went to his woods and cut those tress and it even takes it longer and too hard to cut the tree down than his old saw. He went back to the store and talk to the shop owner there and told his story about his new chainsaw. The shop owner was puzzled. Then the shop owner give it a try and start the chainsaw. The Polish lumberjack guy said WHAT'S THE NOISE?!!

Huh..I don't get that. I have to re-read it.

It means the Polish guy didn't even start it up.

Ok Here's another polish joke.

There are 3 men on the small boat. One is Italian guy, Irish guy, and a polish guy. It just happen the motor fell off the boat and goes into the lake. Italian said "hold on guys!! I'll go in and find the motor and bring it up." He dives into the lake. He comes up and said "I can't find it." Irish guy said "OK My turn." He dives into the lake. He comes up and said "I can't find it." Polish guy said "Allright now my turn." He dives into the lake. He comes up and said "I FOUND IT!!!" Italian guy and Irish guy said to Polish guy "Why didn't you bring it up?" Polish guy said "I can't start it up."

Whats so funny about the polish? isn't it usually irish that are stupid?
An Irishman, an Englishman, a Scotsman, An Australian, a Rabbi and a Preist walk into a bar. The Bartender says 'What is this? Some sort of joke?'