FF: Storm-Breaker

Okay heres a story i wrote in some spare time(which wasn't much time). Say what you think, and any improvments you can think of


Storm-Breaker

Part 1


Steve looked up at the building in front of him. The old warehouse was abandoned and rotting. The towns? people hadn?t the heart to knock it down, even though it was un-usable. Steve climbed over the gate and trudged up to the door. He opened it and stepped inside.

Inside the warehouse it was dark. A wisp of ghostly moon light came through a shattered window. Steve walked into the centre of the room.
?I know you?re in here? he thought.
Something moved in the rafters at the end of the room. Something fast. Steve ran to the place and drew his gun. He looked up and listened. Nothing. Maybe it was just an animal, a bird perhaps.
Steve put his gun bank when something landed behind him, and knocked him down. Steve jumped up and drew his gun again. There staring at him was a man with long, purple hair. His mad eyes were motionless, staring endlessly. Suddenly the man jumped backwards. Before Steve could draw his could grab his gun, a freak wind blew him into the wall. The man ran out of the warehouse, laughing madly.

The rain spattered against the pub window. A small TV mounted on the wall showed a fuzzy picture of the news. The pub was silent and nearly empty, with a few people here and there. Steve walked into the pub, wet and battered. He sat at the bar and ordered a drink. He watched the TV, which was now showing the weather.
?Heavy storms have been striking the area??..? Interference stopped the picture.
?Stupid piece of junk!? cried the bar tender, hitting the TV. The picture flicked back on.
????but now are moving up to the mountains.?
?The mountains?? said Steve, looking at the dark clouds over them. ?That?s it! That?s where he?s going!? He got up and ran out without finishing his drink.

Part 2


Steve arrived at the peak of the mountain, the rain running down his face.
?Come out Storm-breaker! I know you?re here.? A bolt of lightning struck the ground next to Steve, launching him across the peak.
?So you finally caught up with me assassin.? The Storm-breaker stepped into the light, his purple hair in his face. Steve and the Storm-breaker faced each other. Then Steve, as quickly as he could, drew his gun and fired it. The Storm-breaker stepped out the way, then created a giant gust, blowing Steve?s gun away. The only thing Steve was left with has two grapple hooks loaded into guns. The Storm-breaker sent a fissure through the ground straight at Steve. Steve fell through the fissure, but fired grapple hooks at the mouth of the crack. The Storm-breaker saw this, and blew another gust at Steve. Steve was lifted in the air clinging onto the rope from the hooks. After a minute of hanging, one hook gave way and retracted into his gun. Now Steve was holding on with one hand, but it was too much to take. He let go and was blown onto the floor 500 yards away. The Storm-breaker walked up to him and laughed. Steve took advantage of this a fired a hook through the Storm-breaker?s shoulder. The Storm-breaker screamed. Steve jumped up and wrapped the wire round the Storm-breaker?s neck, strangling him.
?DIE? shouted Steve, tightening the wire. The Storm-breaker groped around on the floor. His hand landed on a knife, strapped to his leg. He grabbed the knife and in one swift motion, jammed it in Steve?s chest. Steve?s grip immediately loosened and he dropped on the floor, dead. The Storm-breaker felt a rush of power. He had killed the last assassin. He held the knife up in triumph. He laughed. Suddenly the sense of power left him and a bolt of lightning hit the knife. The bolt travelled through his body. Then he also, slumped on the floor, dead.

^sorry about the two posts, i forgot the last bit LOL

Before you say anything, bear in mind that this is probably the first, last and only time that I'm going to say this... Awesome! I'm amazed that I haven't found anything wrong with it. You're good at this, xploder.

wow thanks!
that is the end of a series i am writing...or thinking of writing...i am also going to write the history of the strom breakers

Any chance of posting the start of the series first?

no, i had the idea of the ending so i wrote that!
its kinda like the star wars trilogy!

Oh dear,Star Wars...

lol^ do u like it though? my fanfic

hold your frigging horses!Cez actually likes a ff thats not his????this is the best day ever!i got no homework or detention,Cez is nice to others ff's and im a mod!this is a beastie day,this is!

It's better than Zap's work, I'll say that much. You should check out mine when I post it. The thread's already here, and you could enter the competition.

Yeah I really like this it's nice keep on writing.

Brilliant,stuff Star Wars though,that ended YEARS ago.

yep,but still nice work on the trilogy.

ended???? the third film still has to come out yet!

next installment the history

History of the Storm-Breakers


The Storm-Breakers were an ancient weather team. They tracked the weather and warned villagers of storms up ahead. After centuries of help to the area, the Storm-Breakers became heroes. An old wise man went to them and gave them a gift. The gift was the power to control the weather. They had full control over storms, lightning, earthquakes, rain, droughts and everything else. The wise man believed the power was safe with the Storm-Breakers. They used this gift for good, and the villagers weren?t affected by storms anymore. But after a while the world?s religious leaders heard of this, and put a stop to it. They said that the Storm-Breakers were doing the Gods* work. The Storm-Breakers were banished from the area. This annoyed them, and they unleashed a terrible rampage. Using their powers, they killed and destroyed things. The rampage went on for years as people hid in fear. Then one day, a group of warriors came from the horizon. They called themselves the assassins, and were there to fight off the Storm-Breakers. The fights continued, down the generations, the powers and wisdom passed to youths. Now there are only a few assassins and Storm-Breakers, believed to be hunting each other down.


(* the religon in this fanfic is not a religon of any sort today)

Just read it through thoroughly and i am soooooooooooooooo amazed with the construction of the story,and nice idea putting the ending first!
Spelling:no mistkes whatsoever!
Vocabulary:Exellant selection of words there
Construction:Fantastic!
Overall astound at this work of art!
if you were a drawer i'd say your as good as Claude Monet!

You said Zap's work was a work of art as well, Chaz. Then the Simon Cowell of fan fiction turns up and gives the honest verdict. And as much as I hate to admit it, I'll have to agree with jamarie. Near-perfect, second only to the literary perfection of Chaos Stevens.

^i'm no good at drawing and i typed this on microsoft word first, trust me i can't spell. I am minorly dislexic

and because you all like my work, here is the prolouge of the next bit.

Wield the Storm
Prologue

The day was a normal, sunny day. The villagers didn?t have anything on their minds, they just went along with their jobs, happily chatting or just basking in the sun. However all of that was going to change. Dark clouds brewed over the horizon. A giant storm was heading their way, and they had no idea. This storm was going to wipe them out, yet they sat happily ignorant to that fact. Only one person noticed them, a hiker on the mountains. He was high up and couldn?t get down before the storm. All he could do was watch, watch the happy people have their lives blown away from them.

Coolio. You should check out my work. The prologue will be online tomorrow morning.