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The Chronicals of Chaos and Combat: The Quest for Revenge

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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 14:37 Apr26 2005 Post ID: 142687
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then my only apology is for stealing your job... which i will inevitably continue to do as i love it so much... but anyway, i really didnt mean to offend you, i seriously was unaware that they had to be based upon anything
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Cez Posted: 14:53 Apr26 2005 Post ID: 142705
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That's what the 'fan' part generally implies. And somehow I doubt you'll become the new critic of the forum. Too likeable.
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 15:22 Apr26 2005 Post ID: 142754
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wow... im not sure how to resppond to that... firstly, i wont become "the new critic" but i will be a critic. next, i didmt say i would, but you said i took your job of being sarcastic, and sarcasm is just too much fun for me to pass up, sorry. third of all, thank you. apparently i can be incredably annoying to you and yet likable at the same time, that must count for something
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 15:39 Apr26 2005 Post ID: 142785
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im working on story right now
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 16:30 Apr26 2005 Post ID: 142909
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Chapter 3: Search for a Lost Friend

Cez, i hope this will make me much closer to "Being worthy of the name Chaos." lol. hope everyone enjoys!

Ken looked over at him and said, “What are you talking about?”
“My ex partner. He is alive.”
“I know what you meant, but what makes you think that?”
“I just know, ok?”
Ken looked at him like he was crazy. He tapped the bracelet and powered down to Ryu.
“Listen Ken. Sheeva and I were the greatest friends ever. No one shared an unbelievable bond. If one of us sensed danger, the other stopped. If one of us went on because we knew everything was ok, the other ran ahead of him. Now I don’t know how but I am absolutely sure he is alive.”
Ken shook his head like he felt stupid. “I’m probably going to regret saying this, but I believe you.”
“Thank you. Now let’s get going so we can find Sheeva.” He clicked his bracelet and they took off down the tunnel.
Ragnarok and Ken ran down the tunnel through the darkness. They were beginning to believe that it was never-ending. It felt as if it had been days since they started running, but they didn’t want to use any energy in flight, because their levels might be sensed, and they wanted as little interference as possible. They knew they were fully capable of taking care of a few D.A.s, but they didn’t know what was controlling them in the first place, so they needed to be cautious.
To their excitement, they saw a light coming from the direction they were running, so they sped up. The closer they got, the more light there seemed to be. Ragnarok yelled, “Oh my god!”
They stopped abruptly, as there was no actual light. What they were seeing was a wall of D.A.s floating above one another covering the whole alley. There had to be about 50 of them, and each one was charging its own energy ball! Each of them alone was weak, but in a group that large it might be a problem.
All of the D.A.s yelled in unison, “Sonic Boom!” all of the attacks merged into one blast which was covered the entire area of the tunnel.
Ragnarok screamed, “I don’t care what you use, but fire the biggest attack you can!”
Without hesitation, Ken and Ragnarok gathered everything they could and fired it against the oncoming wave of destruction. Their blasts also merged and grew in size. The two enormous attacks met in the middle, starting a massive power struggle. All of the D.A.s’ power was being matched by two people. All of them began throwing more power into it, and Ken and Ragnaroks’ blasts were being pushed back. If it connected with them after gaining so much power, they would be hurt badly.
Ragnarok dropped his hands away from his blast.
Ken yelled, “What are you doing?”
Ragnarok leaned back and forced his hands together in front of him. “ESSENCE FLASH!” The blast easily pushed through the approaching mass of energy and incinerated everything in the tunnel in front of them. The force of the blast knocked Ken back and as he watched Ragnarok put forth such power, he understood that he was definitely outclassed.
Ryu let the energy drop and stood, panting for air.
Ken managed to say, “Wha… wha… what the hell did you do?”
After he finished catching his breathe, Ryu said, “It’s called the Essence Flash. I summon the energy that it takes for me to turn into Ragnarok and generate it into an energy wave. After I use it I must drop from Ragnarok and recharge.”
“So what do we do now?”
“We rest for a moment, then go on.”
They sat there thinking about their next move for a short while, then stood up and started walking again. Ryu tapped the bracelet and turned back into Ragnarok.
Ken said, “We must be going in the right direction if they put up a fight like that.”
“Yeah. The question is, what could possibly be so important?”
“I don’t know.”
After exchanging glances, they broke into a run again. They wondered how long it could possibly be. Soon, the only light that shone in the tunnel disappeared.
“Now what do we do?” asked a worried Ken.
Ragnarok yelled, “Temporal Blaze!” He shot a wave of fire along the wall, igniting a lit path extending for nearly a mile. “All of this running is getting old. Grab onto my arm.”
Ken was confused, but he didn’t want to set off Ragnaroks temper, so he grabbed on. Ragnarok teleported forward as far as he could see.
Where they appeared, they seemed to be close to the exit. They saw a few people running around outside.
They stepped out into the light. They both looked around in confusion, as they appeared to be in a town.
Ken suddenly broke out laughing. He noticed that Ragnarok was staring at him, so he pointed ahead and said, “Look what your little blast did!”
Ragnarok looked, and there was an enormous hole in the wall in front of them, as well as several others in a row after the first. Ragnaroks attack had made its way through the entire city.
Ken couldn’t stop laughing so Ragnarok smacked him and said, “Focus Ken, focus.”
Ken rubbed his cheek and looked around more. He felt odd as most of the passerby had stopped to stare at Ragnarok.
“What are you looking at?” he snarled to all who watched him. They all turned around and ran.
Ken grabbed one person by the shoulder and asked, “Can you help us out?”
The person was still too terrified to speak. Ragnarok tried to look calm, but then blurted out, “Quit staring at me before I make you into a steaming pile of worthless pieces!”
The person screamed. Ken looked at Ragnarok and said, “Shut up! You are pretty scary looking you know. You might want to let me handle the people. You can talk to our enemies.” He looked Ragnarok up and down.
Ragnarok shook his head and rolled his eyes. At the realization that he did appear to be a freak, he crossed his arms, turned away, and said, “Go on then.”
Ken smiled and turned back to the frightened villager. “Don’t worry; we aren’t going to hurt you. Are you ok?” The villager gathered up his thoughts and nodded. “Where are we right now?” continued Ken.
The horrified man took a deep breathe, then replied nervously. “This is the town of Sharunghai.”
Ken thought for a moment. “Where on Earth is Sharunghai?”
The villager paused, then answered, “Well, it isn’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“Earth is about five light years from here.”
Ragnarok turned around. “I must have accidentally teleported through a portal or something.”
Ken thought about it, then nodded. He turned back to the startled villager and asked, “Do you know where we can find the Death Apprentices?”
The villager nodded and pointed over his shoulder to a castle off in the distance. “That is the location where the Death Apprentices are trained.”


ok, well im off for a while now. i might be back on later today.
P.S. how was that chapter?
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Cez Posted: 12:56 Apr27 2005 Post ID: 143535
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Time to quote a random, yet appropriate, video game. Today's review comes from Wolf O'Donnell. "You're good... but I'm better!" I'm too lazy to think of my own reviews, see?
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 20:21 Apr27 2005 Post ID: 144196
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nice, well as far as i can tell the writers of best selling books could post in here and youd say you were better, so i take the good part as a complioment
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 20:25 Apr27 2005 Post ID: 144201
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im annoyed because my vaction got cancelled so please excuse me if there is excessive violence in any following chapters
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 23:53 Apr27 2005 Post ID: 144308
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I've decided to stop naming my chapters, as too avoid coming up with a retarded chapter name... here is next chapter... enjoy!




Chapter 4:

Ken couldn’t believe what he had heard, but he tried to keep calm. Ragnarok on the other hand, was unwilling to let cooler head prevail. He walked over, yanked the man off the ground with one hand and shoved him against a nearby house. “What do you mean by trained?” he screamed at the man.
The poor villager was scared breathless, but managed to explain this much, “Death…Apprentices…” Ragnarok loosened his grip slightly as he heard Ken nagging behind him, “… are just normal… civilians of Sharunghai who are captured and forced… forced to partake in a ritual which trains them to be… to be… warriors.”
Ragnarok realized what he was doing and dropped the man to the ground. He gasped for air then looked up at the God who stood before him. Ragnarok pointed in the direction that all of the other villagers seemed to be running, but the man just stared at him. “GO, before I change my mind!” At that, the man scrambled to his feet and sprinted off in the other direction.
Ken demanded, “What is wrong with you?”
Ragnarok, being a god of battle, was easily set off. Sheeva had known this, and it was angering to Ragnarok that Ken didn’t understand this need for war. Ragnarok turned around and formed an energy blast in front of Ken, who instantly stopped moving and gulped.
Ragnarok was struggling in his mind as to what he should do. He could easily say Ken was lost in battle and just kill him right now, but on the other hand, he had grown to like the man. He roared in anger and moved his hand away from his partner, then dropped his hand to his side, but not before destroying a good portion of the city with the blast.
He gently tapped his bracelet, then, as Ryu, said, “I’m sorry. You just have to understand the need for violence, the need for relief of anger, that Ragnarok’s awesome power comes with. If I’m even a little annoyed, I feel the urge to kill.”
Ken, who decided that he probably wouldn’t have gotten an explanation from the villager on his own, said, “Don’t worry about it.”
Up until this point, they had been working under the assumption that these D.A.s were actually of a separate species from humanity, but were molded and trained to fight like humans. It didn’t really make too much of a difference, but it was easier to kill an animal than to kill one of your own kind.
They decided they had better be on their way to the castle, but as they were about to leave, Ken heard screaming. It was coming from the side of town that the villagers had ran off to. He walked over, and upon looking over a hill, he saw a very disturbing sight. There was an army of at what had to be at least 1,000 D.A.s, and they were slaughtering all of the fleeing villagers.
Ryu ran up behind Ken. Having not noticed the massacre in progress, he said casually, “I found a sign back there that explained a city ordinance. It says, ‘All who leave the village will be caught. The weak will be killed, the strong will be Death Apprentices.’ These guys are sick. I hope no one catches the people I scared away.”
Ken swallowed hard, then pointed out to the field and uttered, managing to hold back rage of his own, “Now might be a good time to get mad!”
Ryu followed his finger and saw what was happening. He dropped the sign and began charging. “What have I done?!?” he screamed into the air. Ken’s eyes widened in fear as he watched Ryus bracelet shatter into pieces. Ragnarok was unleashed instantly, in mega charged form.
Ken took a step backward, then dropped to his knees. There would no longer be any way for Ryu to conceal his powers. As he looked up, he saw Ragnarok flying down toward the D.A.s, shredding through a group of them with sheer speed alone.
Ken snapped out of the funk, realizing that now was not the right time. “Primal Blasts!” he yelled while firing a group of energy balls into the mass of blood and gore. They knew they couldn’t spare anyone, even the villagers. If they were too careful about their attacks, the D.A.s would soon overwhelm them they had to put the people out of their misery. “Primal Oblivion!” he shot three of the black balls scattering around, vaporizing a good number of enemies, but also zapping a lot of strength from Ken.
Ragnarok was being surrounded, but as soon as Ken started to fly over to help, the god grabbed onto the nearest leg he could get and lifted one of the D.A.s over his head. He began swinging it around violently, whacking other D.A.s with it. He spun around, clearing a space around him by clobbering any who approached with one of their own kind.
As the final death of the living weapon, he sent it riding on the front of a Weapon X attack into a group of D.A.s.
Ken stood in awe for a moment, watching his mentor work. He stared on until a D.A. jumped on his back. He too was getting very angry, so he grabbed it by the head and flipped it over his shoulder. Before it could hit the ground in front of him, he sent a primal blast straight through its stomach.
“Cypress Dash!” Ragnarok surrounded himself in the energy and began bolt dashing in a zigzag pattern throughout the battlefield. “KEN!” he roared as he stopped his dash.
“What is it?” answered Ken as he kicked one D.A. into a few more.
“Listen, I don’t know what will happen when all of these people are dead, I’m sure you noticed about my bracelet…”
“Yeah, so what?”
“If you are here and there is nothing else, I might go after you!”
Ken looked at him intently. “What should I do?”
“You should fly to the castle right now and leave me to relive some RUTHLESS AGGRESSION!” He had a particular anger as he said ruthless aggression. He flung several energy balls at his enemies.
“What if you die…”
Before he could finish, Ragnarok snarled, “JUST GO, I’LL BE THERE WHEN I’M DONE!” He hurled a small blast at Ken to show that he wasn’t fooling around.
Ken dodged, and though he felt terrible, he flew off toward the castle.
Ragnarok watched him leave, then turned to his massive approaching opposition and screamed, “SO YOU WANNA KILL ME, KILL ME!” he flew into the group fist first, and the real fighting began.
Ken took one more look back and saw that Ragnarok wasn’t changing his mind. He turned toward his destination and began to tell himself, ‘Think like Ragnarok. Be angry, or else you won’t get anywhere at all.’
He flew as fast as he could, until he encountered a D.A. who was moving in the direction of Ragnarok, and didn’t seem to notice Ken at all. “Hey *******, leave my friend ALONE!” He flew over to the startled slave and fired a Primal Blast into its mouth. He threw it to the ground and continued on, blasting the occasional D.A. out of the sky, until he reached his goal. He landed in front of the castle, not trying to be stealth in the least.
There was a large stone sign which read, “The Tower of Death.”
He walked casually up to the front gate, but a couple of guards moved into his way and said, “You may not pass.”
“Listen to me, we can either do this the easy way or the fun way, it’s up to you two.”
The guards looked at each other, the repeated, “You may not pass.”
“I love when they pick the fun way.” He ran up to the guard on the left and kicked him in the face, which caused him to stagger. Ken fired a small Plasma disk at the guard tower above, where two archers had appeared. The attack sawed through the foundation of the small tower, causing it to crash down on top of the stunned guard.
Ken turned his attention to the other guard and yelled, “You want some?” He was counting on the fact the these guard were D.A.s and would be forced to want some. It ran over to him, but he sidestepped it, grabbed the back of its neck, and threw it as hard as he could at the front gate, which immediately fell into the castle grounds. After taking a deep breathe, Ken stepped inside the Tower of Death.
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 01:09 Apr28 2005 Post ID: 144356
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wow, two in one night, might be three im so bored around my house! lol



Chapter 5

By now, Ken truly trusted in Ryu’s sureness that Sheeva was alive. So aside from putting the Death Apprentices out of commission, his main goal was to find out where Sheeva was.
Once he was actually inside the castle, it dawned on him how truly large it was. He looked around nervously. If this whole thing was a training center, then there was no telling how many trainees there would be. Then he really thought about it for the first time. For there to be a trainee, there must be a trainer. Even if the old D.A.s trained new ones, someone would have had to train the originals, and they would have to be pretty strong.
Ken realized he would stand out like a sore thumb here, so he walked back outside for a second and dragging the guard behind a tree and changing into his clothes, he walked back into the castle.
It seemed that there were many chambers in the area, but they all seemed to be the same size. Ken looked around for a while, checking all the doors he found and attempting to find a main hall. To his shock and horror, every door he opened only revealed another training room with roughly 500 D.A.s in the making. Standing in front of the large groups, there was always one of them who seemed to be more skilled at whatever was being done. Ken decided they must be the trainers.
He soon came to a hall of rooms with larger doors and a window in each. He peered in through one of them and saw many D.A.s doing things much more advanced than the ones he had seen before. This appeared to be a room where trainers were trained. Inside they were all sparring, all except for the one who stood in front. That one was somehow… different. He didn’t appear to be a slave. He was moving wildly while instructing. Ken took this as proof that the trainers had trainers.
Ken swung the door open and snuck in without being noticed amidst all the fighting. He crept over to the smiling warrior in front of all the others while quietly practicing the voice of a D.A. He cleared his throat and tapped on the mans shoulder.
“What, who… oh, it’s only a stupid Apprentice guard,’ said the man as he spun around to face Ken, “How did you get in without me knowing?”
“Sir, I was sent through the secret tunnel, sir!”
The man thought, and couldn’t remember any tunnel, but he didn’t want to seem foolish in front of his pupils, so he simply said, “Oh, I see, I see. Well, go on.”
“Oh, right. Uhh… I was sent to relieve you of your duties.”
The man stared on for a moment, then broke out in laughter. “You expect me to believe that a weakling like you was sent to take my place?” He continued to laugh.
“Yes…Will you comply, or, uhh, must I remove you?”
He stopped laughing now, stood up and yelled, “Go ahead and try to move me!”
Ken smiled and said, “As you wish.” He jumped into the air and kneed the man in the face, jamming his nose into his brain and killing him instantly.
After smiling at his work, he noticed that every single D.A. in the room was staring at him, so he put up his guard.
One of them stepped forward and asked, “What do you wish of us, master?”
Ken looked back and forth in confusion, then remembered what he was wearing, and thought maybe they looked at him as authority. “Ummm…Death Apprentices… KILL EACH OTHER!” He doubted they would listen, but he didn’t know what else to say, so he simply raised his hand into the air triumphantly.
Each pair of D.A.s who had been sparring immediately turned to one another and stuck their hand through their partner’s throats. Ken watched the odd action, as each and every one of them collapsed.
He went through each room repeating this process until he ended up in the room he started. It had taken him a long time, yet Ragnarok still wasn’t here. This surely meant he was either dead or captured. As he was lowering his head, he noticed a staircase in the corner of the room. He hurried over to it and began to climb up the winding path.
Meanwhile, Ragnarok had been the main reason Ken’s raid had gone so smoothly. Most of the newly trained D.A.s had been sent to aid in the battle against the god of battle. He had been swarmed with enemies, but he loved every second of it.
He was constantly firing waves of energy and throwing punches, and just generally wearing himself out, but as long as the fire fueled on inside of him the battle would rage on outside. In fact, if he had flown out and just Essence Flashed right away, it would probably be over. But there were two reasons he wanted to continue. One, he needed to give Ken a chance to prove his worth, and two, well, he was just having too much fun to stop!
As one rushed at him he through another to intercept it, then punched both of them all the way back to the castle in just one blow a piece. He turned back to his other victims and fired off a continuous stream of Prism Pulses.
Back at the castle, Ken was still climbing. ‘There must be a million steps here!’ he thought to himself. He didn’t want to move any faster though, as he needed time to prepare for what he might find.
Little did he know, a throat piercing wasn’t enough to kill a D.A., as their nerves had been altered during their rituals. All of the D.A.s in training had faked death to get Ken away from them, and now there were about 10,000 of them headed to kill Ragnarok, who had continued the volley of attacks until all of hi current opponents had died. Just as he felt he had given Ken enough time, he turned around to see a massive wave of D.A.s flying his way. Each of them gathering energy.
At that fact, even Ragnarok was scared. First, each D.A. yelled, “Neutron Cannon!”, then 10,000 waves of energy were shot simultaneously, and it was all coming straight toward him. He didn’t know if he had enough power, but it was his only chance, so he fired the most massive Essence Flash he had ever even imagined to be possible.
By now all of the D.A.s’ attacks had combined, and the two enormous blasts met in the center, causing a horrendous explosion. All of the D.A.s involved vaporized instantly, Ryu was knocked unconscious, and the castle of the Tower of Death shook.
As the steps below him shook so violently, Ken looked in the direction the force seemed to be coming from, and he knew, he knew for a fact, that Ragnarok was still alive.
What he didn’t know was that Ragnarok was out cold, so he ran up the stairs, expecting that if he needed help, Ryu would be there.


im done for now, please let me know how you r liking it... ill be back tomorrow
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Cez Posted: 12:57 Apr28 2005 Post ID: 144569
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It's not bad, I'll say that. And despite what you may think, I do know true writing talent when I see it. I don't always say everything is inferior to my own work. Just 99% of all online fan fiction.
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 15:15 Apr28 2005 Post ID: 144703
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oh, ok... all i can say is i cant wait to be the one percent... or at least SEE the one percent and see how you respond to it.

also, could you possibly give me any thoughts on how i might make it better... im writing to please and it doesnt seem to be pleasing you, so how can i make it?
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Cez Posted: 15:21 Apr28 2005 Post ID: 144714
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See, this is the problem. I suggest anything, you''ll probably either pass it off as crap, or say that I'm trying to make this into a clone of Chaos Series. I think a bit more variation is required for the plot. Kicking the crap out of everyone is okay, but not for the entire story.
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 15:29 Apr28 2005 Post ID: 144731
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wow, i know that you dont want a clone of chaos series because then you would have to share the fame with another author, right? and reguardless, even if you were my most hated enemy, you would still be a reader and important to me...so tell me what you mean, please... should i include less fighting in general or just let Ken and Ryu get beat up every now and then?

instead of just saying that you are better than me, you might think about explaining WHY you are better than me... tellling me that i suck doesnt help me improve

By the way, dont you pretty much dismiss anything i say as crap in your room?
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 23:30 Apr28 2005 Post ID: 145302
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Chapter 6

Ken continued confidently with the feeling that Ragnarok was his backup. He finally reached the top and found nothing but a metal door with two guards in front of it. He began to walk, but the two guards stepped in his way and asked, “What is your business with Prince Shenya? Is this a personal visit or a business related…”
Before they could complete the questions, Ken simply jammed their heads together and tossed them aside like small rodents.
He knocked on the door, waited for about six seconds, and upon getting no answer he blew the door up with a small energy attack. As soon as he could see through all of the smoke, he screamed, “WHERE IS SHEEVA?”
The only person in the whole of the enormous was a large man with long blonde hair. “Allow me to intro duce myself, I am Shenya, prince of Sharunghai.”
Ken looked at him in anger. “That’s nice, now answer my question!” he demanded, slamming his fists on the desk in front of Shenya.
“Well, I am quite curious as to how you know of lord Sheeva. Are you a friend of his?” asked Shenya with a smirk.
“Lord Sheeva? What are you on about?”
“Oh, didn’t you know? Sheeva is the supreme ruler of this planet.”
Ken thought about this. “The Sheeva I’ve heard about would never betray Ryu like that!”
A confused look came over Shenya. “Ryu, why I believe that was the man who set Sheeva free in the first place.”
“Enough of your games,” shouted Ken as he lifted Shenya by the shirt collar, “WHERE IS HE?”
“Unhand me now!” Shenya came back.
Ken refused, until Shenya floored him with a single punch.
Ken stood up and wiped some blood off his bottom lip with the back of his hand. He looked at his own blood for a second, then slapped Shenya across the face with the hand, leaving trails of Ken’s blood on the prince’s face.
Shenya began to shake with anger. “How… how dare you besmirch a prince like that!” He looked up and saw Ken smiling. He ran over and kicked the attacker straight up at the ceiling of the massive room. Ken bounced off the ceiling and fell down on his face. He was fine, but he didn’t understand why a prince would be so powerful. He got to his knees, and began to make his way to
His thoughts were cut short, however, as Shenya elbowed him hard in the spine, causing him to fall back to his stomach.
Ken thought to himself, ‘How can this guy be so strong?’ He rolled over onto his back and mule kicked Shenya right in the ribs, knocking him backwards. Ken had a feeling he would need help, but he wasn’t about to let anyone know that, so he kicked his feet in the air and leapt back into a standing position.
“So you know how to fight, huh?” asked Shenya sarcastically.
Ken smiled, “You tell me.” He jumped in the air and spin kicked Shenya across the jaw.
Shenya was knocked off his feet, but he immediately stood back up and fired a small energy blast. On contact it created a serious feeling of nausea in Ken, who realized how much trouble he was really in and wanted to call for Ragnarok’s help, but his desire to prove himself to his mentor was much greater than his agony.
He shook his head and called out, “Is that the best you got?”
Shenya tensed up and raised his arms in guard, but noticed that Ken was nearly doubled over in pain. He smiled, walked over to his attacker, and kicked him in the ribs at full blast.
Ken fell to the floor and croaked out, “Ragnarok, help!” Unknown to him, his mentor was currently unconscious, and a great distance away from the castle. “When Ragnarok comes in, he’ll kill you. You understand me?”
A look of horror came over Shenya. “Ragnarok is the one who… who beat Lord Sheeva. He beat the god of shadows! You can’t possibly know him!”
Ken listened in confusion. “Defeated Sheeva? I thought they were friends.”
“Oh no, they were fierce enemies in a monstrous battle. Sheeva was killed, but through our technology, we have revived him, and he has regained his control over this planet.”
After thinking for a moment, Ken returned, “I know Ragnarok but I have no idea who you are talking about.”
Ryu had never explained his full history to Ken, so this story was hard for him to believe.
At Kens utter confusion, Shenya breathed a sigh of relief and kneed Ken in the face. “Don’t you ever worry me like that again!”
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Cez Posted: 13:38 Apr29 2005 Post ID: 145647
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Not bad. I think less fighting on the whole would be better, and let your heroes take a bit of a thrashing from time to time. No-one's invincible, remember that. And I don't dismiss all of your comments as crap. Just the ones that are little more than nit-picking over a simple thing, like a typo or a choice of words that you personally don't like.
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 15:36 Apr29 2005 Post ID: 145831
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well Cez, i like your writing style. i truly do. the problem is that you seem to think you are perfect so i point out the imperfections. anyways, thanks about my story.

just for a little something to keep you from getting too tired of my invincible heroes, i want to tell you that one of them dies at the end of this story... i know nothing is invincible and the story after this will probably be much more to your liking.
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Cez Posted: 15:42 Apr29 2005 Post ID: 145842
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That's good. Nothing like a bit of hero-killing to improve the story, Whatever you do, don't kill both of them. I accidentally did that in a draft of Call of Destiny. Killed all my heroes by accident, and had nothing to write the ending on. I changed it, obviously.
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 15:44 Apr29 2005 Post ID: 145846
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lol, my series is much more complicated than you think, apparently. you seem to have forgotten that i have three heroes, one is just "dead"
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Chaoticjaf123 Posted: 16:04 Apr29 2005 Post ID: 145900
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oh well, here is another chapter.


Chapter 7

...Now you’re finished…
…I’ve got to defend myself! It is too much…
…WEAPON X...
…PRISM PULSE...
…SOUL DEMOLITION...
…HAHAHAHAHA...
Ryu suddenly woke up. He had been having a terrible dream about his battle with the God of Shadows from ten years ago when he heard the terrible sound of Ken screaming at a distance.
He jumped to his feet and realized that Ken must be fighting the head of the castle right then. He knew that he needed to get there as fast as possible, seeing as Ken was new at being a hero, but he had lost massive amounts of energy and power in his last attack. He would need plenty of time to recharge. So he stood completely still and crossed his arms over his chest, beginning to gather energy.
He planned on teleporting to the castle as soon as he had gathered enough power. He could only hope Ken would still be alive when he arrived.
Back at the castle, Shenya was pummeling Ken, who tried to put up a fight. Every time he stood up, Shenya was there to knock him back to the floor.
Ken didn’t understand why a mere prince would be so talented. He wouldn’t have expected this from the king of a planet. Besides, what use does royalty have for fighting anyway? As the thought left his mind, he stood up and caught a knee to the face.
He couldn’t take it anymore. “Ragnarok! Help me!” He cried out, but no one came. Ken gulped and began to back into the of the room when he thought, ‘Wait a minute. If Ragnarok isn’t here, that means I’m on my own. I can’t back down if I’m the leading member of the force.’ He made his way back to his feet and spit to his side. “Hey Shenya, bring it!”
Shenya smiled and began casually walking forward. Ken charged him at full speed and kicked him in the side of the head. Shenya cart-wheeled and landed on his feet again. “You pest!” The prince grabbed Ken by the throat and blasted him back into the corner with a small energy attack. Ken wanted to move, but he couldn’t. “I’ll kill you if I have to destroy my whole castle!” Shenya formed a large ball of energy over his head with both hands. “Time to die!”
Ken looked up and saw the blast growing in size. He put his hands in front of him and tried to charge as much energy as he could, but he knew it was worthless because at his first movement, Shenya would attack. He had to try, though, or else there was no hope.
Shenya brought his hands back, preparing to throw the ball. Just then, there was an explosion behind him. He turned to see a massive hole in his wall. It was Ragnarok.
Ken knew this was his chance. As Shenya and Ragnarok locked eyes in a stare, Ken got to his feet and rushed forward. Shenya turned back but it was too late. Ken jammed his hands into the prince’s ribs, releasing an enormous amount of electric energy into his body, blasting him backward through a castle wall.
Ken fell to his stomach just as a loud crash was heard from outside. Ragnarok looked over and saw a motionless Shenya being surrounded by D.A.s, so he said, “As impressive as that last attack was, I don’t think you are in any condition to help me fight, so you’ll just slow me down out there. We’ve got to get out of here, let’s go!” He flew off, thinking Ken was hot on his trail. Ken was actually unconscious in the castle, open to be captured by the overwhelming number of D.A.s who came up shortly.
I hereby copyright everything I have typed, am typing, or will ever type on Supercheats.com There, I said it! Refer to my avatar, and join the team with that name. I moderate Fan fiction/role play and i love it.
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