The Crystals of Narlkant

Moar. A surprise! Yay! Eagerly anticipating moar chapters. (The first day after I read a chapter is eagerly waiting. Then it's impatiently. Then it's demanding moar chapters.)

Yet again, agrees with above. But one thing... Fagan is a Raphael cameo.

« Last edited by Cataclysm on Sep 18th 2007 »

Yes! Fagan is based loosely on Raphael from the Soul Calibur series. You win a virtual muffin!

Just to clarify, you only get the muffin if you actually state that the cameo or quote is a cameo or quote.

I'm a bit confused as to why Shade is just getting around to this mission if his master told him about it a year ago, but meh. The chapters are still awesome. Mostly just background details, and the major action begins at the cliffhanger ending, so there isn't a whole lot to comment on. I do like your system of magic, though.

Thanks, took me a double period of maths to figure it out.

Shade didn't have to complete the other mission as the final part of his training because he wasn't getting paid for it, and didn't have any other reason. Keshena wanted him to, but he died, so the contract was broken. I think.

Oh, right. So he's greedy and decided to do his master's bidding only when he was getting paid for it. Fair enough. :D

No, just moral. If there's no reason to kill somebody, why kill them?

Chapter 9

?You fool! How dare you defy the true path! Who are you who thinks that you are above the will of the great Warsate?? Fagan?s eyes narrowed even more, and he pointed his rapier at Shade?s chest. ?Also, how do you know so much about me? For your information, my family is nothing; I detest them, especially that moron who calls herself my sister. Now what is your name, so I know what to mark on your grave??
?My name is Shade, recognise it??
?You! I knew there was something odd about you! Always hiding in your room, leaving at nights and returning all bloodied and torn in the early hours of the morning. You?re not going to live to see my sister again; you won?t even see tomorrow dawn! En guard!? Fagan adopted a combat stance, and then rushed at the assassin. His weapon sliced through the air next to Shade?s head and he followed up with an upward slash to the stomach.
Shade avoided both blows easily, then swung his katana at head height. The traitor blocked the blow, but the flying particles of sand blinded him for a moment and he staggered backwards, blinking furiously. The assassin pressed his advantage and lunged forwards at him, only to find his blow turned aside by Dragon?s own sword. He punched the Servant in the nose and turned back to Fagan, just in time to block a downward swing of the rapier.
Fagan stabbed at him a few times in quick succession, each attack missing by a hairsbreadth. Suddenly, he pulled the weapon back and threw a full extension lunge at Shade?s chest. Two seconds later, it was all over.
The rapier struck something hard beneath Shade?s clothes and bounced off. While Fagan was still standing looking surprised, Shade took the handle of his weapon in both hands, brought it up and finally down onto Fagan?s skull a lot harder than necessary. Such was the force of the blow that Fagan?s head was split cleanly in two in a spray of blood and he fell to the ground with a small pile of red sand in the centre of his cranium.
Shade touched the point on his chest where Fagan's weapon had bounced off. After a few seconds he realised that there was another hidden knife built into his clothes. It seemed to have a particularly wide blade, and he suspected that Amy had put it there deliberately. Silently he thanked her, and apologised for the death of her brother.
There was a noise from the ground. Dragon was crawling towards one of the ruined buildings at the end of the square, clutching his nose. His sword lay forgotten on the ground. Shade sheathed his blade, pulled out his crossbow and aimed it at the injured man. Before he could fire though, Mathew stopped him.
?Remember what he said. Their boss, this Warsate guy, has bound the crystal to his life essence. If we kill him, the crystal will simply vanish and we?ll be back to square one. We?ll just have to take it from him.? Mathew walked over to Dragon, stunning him with a small burst of light. He located the crystal on a chain around the man?s neck and removed it. With a grin, the scholar returned to Shade. ?Here it is. The Earth crystal. We did it. So what do we do with Dragon? We can?t just leave him here.?
Shade and Mathew walked over to Dragon. Shade kicked him in the side and he gasped in pain. Slowly, shakily, he got to his feet. Then, with surprising speed, he threw a punch which knocked Mathew out. Shade saw a second punch coming and dodged to the side. Dragon jumped backwards, and a black glow surrounded his clenched hands.
?Did you really expect Warsate to give the power of the crystals to those who are not already skilled? You really need to learn a lesson, but for now, I?m a little tired, so I?m going back to the desert. If you want a beating, follow me. Oh, but first?? The black glow intensified and beams of darkness shot from Dragon?s outstretched hands, striking Shade in the face and chest. He fell to the ground, his vision blurring. He felt something moving on his back, then heard a distant voice.
?Ah, my sand katana. Thank you.? There was a little more movement, then blackness took the assassin.

When he woke his first thought was that he was back in his room in The Soldier?s Arms. As his memory refreshed itself, he realised that he was indeed in a bed, but it was not a familiar one. He sat up. Sunlight was streaming in through a window and it illuminated a second bed with another person in it. It was Mathew. The scholar was still sound asleep.
Shade got up. He was still fully clothed, so he left the room to find out where he was. He found himself in a corridor with a wooden floor. After a few steps, he fell through it. He landed on a pile of straw, and realised that the wall was missing. Walking over to the hole he saw that the building was one of those which had mostly escaped harm when Dragon was destroying the village. The place seemed abandoned, but there had to be someone who had put them in that room.
A shout came from behind him. He turned to find Mathew lying on the straw. Evidently he had fallen through a different part of the floor. As he got up and brushed off his robes, the scholar felt around his neck for the crystal. He realised that it wasn?t there, and sat back down in the straw, looking depressed. Shade walked over to him.
?It?s over. We?ll never find him now. I?ve failed.? Mathew was muttering to himself. Shade put a hand on his shoulder.
?Don?t worry. He told me that he went to the desert. He said that if I wanted a beating I should follow him. I know exactly how to deal with him now. We need to knock him out, then make sure he stays in the desert for long enough for us to get well away. It?ll be easy.? The assassin checked his scabbard. Sure enough it was empty. Dragon had taken his only sword. Damn!
The two of them walked out through the hole in the wall. Once in the square they paused. The spiky pillars of rock which had impaled the militia were still there, but the bodies were gone. Judging by the position of the sun it was about three hours after dawn. Either they had only been unconscious for two hours, or for over a day.
Suddenly there was a shout from across the square, and an old man ran out from between two of the ruined buildings. He carried a wooden walking stick, which he wielded as if it was a sword. He had a long white beard, and wore brown clothing typical of people in this region of Narlkant.
?What are you doing here? Do you realise what has happened thanks to you? This village has been devastated, and it?s all your fault!? The man ranted at them, waving his stick. Before he had a chance to continue though, another man ran out of hiding and grabbed his arm.
?George, calm down. These two came here after the guys who did this, as you well know. The black one even killed one of the gits.? He turned to Shade and Mathew. ?I apologise for my friend?s behaviour. His son was one of those who were killed by the one you slew. My name is Ralph, and it was my house in which you found yourself when you woke up. I understand that you want to follow this man who caused so much destruction, this man called? Dragon, I think it was.? Shade blinked in surprise. How did Ralph know all that?
?How did you???
?You were talking in your sleep.?
?Oh. What did I say??
Ralph scratched his head. ?Well let?s see now, you cursed Dragon and swore to get revenge for something. Then you said you?d follow him to the ends of the earth. And then you started to remember the past, I think, because you mentioned Keshena, who I know died last year. He was well liked in this village, and we had a lot of use for his services. But anyway, do you know where that **** Dragon went??
Mathew stepped forward. ?We have heard that he has retreated to his stronghold in the desert. We intend to follow him there and see what we can do about taking care of him. Any help would be much appreciated.? The man scratched his chin while he thought, then turned to George and whispered in his ear. The old man grinned and ran back into one of the houses. A few minutes later he returned.
He was carrying a bundle of cloth, which he put on the ground and unwrapped. Inside there were a couple of scrolls, a face mask, dried and fresh food, and bottles of water. There was also a long thin roll of cloth and what looked like a face mask, also made of cloth. ?These were left here by the assassin Keshena. As you knew him, it is only fitting that you should make use of them. Don?t worry, I just added the fresh food.? He picked up the package. ?Now, Keshena gave very specific instructions regarding this. He said that it should only be given to the one who would come after him. I think you are that one. Here.? Shade took the proffered bundle and slowly began to unwrap it. When it was open he gasped in amazement.
The bundle contained two katanas of the finest quality. They had their own scabbards, inscribed with master Keshena?s crest; a wickedly curved dagger silhouetted against a full moon. He drew one of them. It was perfectly balanced, and made to exactly the right length. He returned it to its sheath and grinned.
?I?m ready!?

Wintality.

Good fight scene, and pretty good plot development, too. Dragon reminds me of a Final Fantasy type villain. "I could kill you right now, but instead, I'll knock you unconscious and then go to my hideout, which I will also tell you the location of. Cheers."

Anyway, good chapter all around. Noticed two things, though.

"tomorrow dawn! En guard!? Fagan"

I do believe it's actually en garde.

"Inside there were a couple of scrolls, a face mask, dried and fresh food, and bottles of water. There was also a long thin roll of cloth and what looked like a face mask, also made of cloth. "

Two face masks?

Other than minor thing such as those, keep up the great work.

Pretty much what Seos said. And as far as the FF similarities go, Dragon seems a lot like The Lich from FF1, that I bought recently after the fic on this site.

Naturally, we can't leave our hero without a weapon for over half a chapter, so we give him a pair of uber-swords. Might I suggest that at some point Shade acuires a weapon imbuned with the fire element? Might make things interesting, as you didn't give him a particularly offense based elemental weapon. Pan, if your still keeping track, you can add "vengefull relative of hero's significant other" to your list.

Yeah, the second face mask should be read "glove." Sorry about that. I'll edit the document.

Also, Dragon seems like Lich? Wow, that's unexpected. I just invented the character off the top of my head.

« Last edited by Sotek on Sep 21st 2007 »

I reserve the right to laugh at King of Hell for saying something really stupid in that post.

Nothing much to say that hasn't already been said by other people or by me on MSN, so... MOARplz.

*ticks "vengeful relative" and "incredibly rubbish enemy" off list*

Time for updates!

Chapter 10

They reached the desert two days later. The journey had been mostly simple, with the only incident being when George had wanted to come with them. Luckily, Ralph had managed to talk him around and stop him from following them.
The desert was vast. Mathew had checked one of the old scrolls which had been in Keshena's bundle. It turned out to be a map of Narlkant, while another was a detailed map of the desert. It had shown the location of all the oases in the desert, as well as a building in the centre labelled ?TOE.? They couldn?t understand that one, but decided to head for it anyway; there were no other places marked which looked promising. They stocked up on water at a well on the edge of the desert, then set out to find Dragon.
The desert was so big that it took them several days to locate the first oasis, where they restocked on water and some fruits which were growing on a bush. From then on it was a matter of making sure they had enough water to last them to the next oasis, and oasis-hopping to the marked building. Every oasis was about two days apart, meaning that they had to conserve water and ration food. In this way they spent a week getting to the oasis that was closest to the mysterious building. They camped there for the night, and set out in the morning, ready for anything.
The sun mercilessly beat down on them, this day was hotter than any so far. Three hours after leaving the oasis, Mathew spotted a building on the horizon. As they got nearer, it became apparent that the building was the one marked on the map, and also that it was a ruin. They reached it at midday, and sheltered from the sun behind a wall. After the heat had abated slightly, Shade and Mathew began searching the area for any secret. It was not long before the assassin found something.
?Mathew, come and see this!? The scholar hurried over, and saw what had been found. It was a section of wall which, when pressed in exactly the right place, slid upwards to reveal a dark passageway hewed into the living rock. Mathew created a glowing sphere of light and sent it down the passageway. It revealed roughly carved walls and a flight of stairs. Shade grinned. ?After you!?
Mathew took a deep breath and stepped into the passage, with Shade following behind him. They walked quietly down the stairs, conscious of the massive weight of the rock above them.
After a hundred or so meters, the tunnel ended in a small room with a pile of supplies in the corner. There were torches, weapons, armour, and even a box of crossbow ammunition. Shade selected some extra bolts, then inspected the rest of the supplies. The armour was too bulky to allow the movement he required, and the weapons were not what he was suited to. He picked up one of the torches, figuring that it might come in handy later. Mathew took nothing; if he wanted light he could use magic and, as he explained to Shade, metal armour interfered with his control over magic.
They proceeded through another hidden door ? Shade found that he had a talent for locating the opening mechanism ? and into another passage. This one continued for a while, going steadily downwards, until it levelled out and split in two. Mathew lit Shade?s torch with his holy flames, then took the left passage while the assassin took the right.
Shade continued down the passage until he reached another door. He went through into a large empty room. The floor was solid rock and stalactites hung from the ceiling. He saw a door on the other side of the room and crossed over to it. When he was only half way, there was a rustling sound from above him, and he dived to his right. There was a thud from where he had been standing.
Rolling to his feet, the assassin drew one of his swords; his other hand still holding the torch. He stepped back in surprise at what he saw. Standing opposite him was a giant spider, its mandibles clicking. It charged. Shade jumped upwards just as it reached him, landing on the back of its head. The creature scrabbled frantically to get him off, but he sheathed his blade again and clung on to its black hair with grim determination. After a minute, he decided on his course of action and plunged the flaming torch into the spider?s eight eyes. The monstrosity writhed in pain as the flames destroyed its sight. It began dashing around in a maddened rage, throwing off the assassin in the process.
Shade got to his feet and drew his blade again. Whenever the spider came near him he slashed at it with the katana or the torch, making it even angrier. Eventually, the spider collapsed to the ground and Shade approached its head and stabbed it through the remains of its eyes. The thing shuddered and died, and the assassin sighed with relief.
As he was about to leave, he noticed that a clear liquid was leaking from the creature?s mandibles. Removing the stopper of a small crystal phial which he always carried for this purpose, he collected some of the substance, intending to ask Mathew what it was. After securely stoppering the phial the assassin left the room.
Then he entered it again and left through the door which he hadn?t been through yet.
The tunnel continued for a little longer, before ending in front of a door. Shade opened the door and stepped inside. He found himself in a small round room this time, and he had emerged just behind two hugely muscled humanoids who were sitting a massive table drinking frothy beer from oversized flagons and talking in deep, heavily accented voices.
?So, wotja fink da boss is gonna do wiv dose guys wot?s bin bovvarin im?? slurred one of the brutes. Shade recognised them as ogres; on a scale of one to ten, their strength was about seven, which coincidentally was about the same as their IQ.
The other ogre scratched his head and took a swig of beer. ?Well, dey ain?t gonna liv much longa if I sees wunna dem.? Shade smiled and stuck his torch in a bracket on the wall, wondering why the brutes hadn?t noticed it flickering. Were they really that plastered? Still smiling he drew his blades.
?Hey, were?d dat lite cum from?? ****, they?d noticed! Shade thrust his right hand blade into the back of one of the ogres while slashing at its head with the left one. The monster bellowed in pain and both of them got up and advanced on the assassin. One ogre still had Shade?s blade sticking through it and the back of its head was injured, but it didn?t seem to notice.
Shade remembered back to a lesson with master Keshena. The dead assassin?s voice floated through his mind. When fighting an enemy who is much stronger than you, use his strength against him. Your speed will allow you to defeat the most powerful of foes.
Dodging a clumsy punch from the wounded ogre, Shade stabbed it through the face. Finally the message of pain got through to its tiny brain and it collapsed to the ground in a pool of blood. The assassin recovered his second blade from its back and spun around to face the other monster. From somewhere it had pulled out two greatswords and was wielding them like a professional. Evidently it wasn?t as drunk as it had seemed.
?Prepare ta die!? The ogre swung its swords in a scissors motion which would have cut Shade in half, but he dodged backwards just in time. When he attempted a counter attack the ogre spun around with its greatswords extended in a vicious spin attack. The assassin took the blow on his blades, but the impact still sent him flying to the ground. Groaning, he pulled himself to his feet, only to be kicked to the ground once more by the monster?s massive foot. He rolled out of the way of a downward swing with one greatsword, and resorted to the only option he had left. He pulled out his pistol crossbow and loaded it with a poisoned dart.
The ogre swung both blades above its head, and was about to bring them down on the assassin when he fired. The bolt hit its target right in the throat. With a puzzled expression, the creature dropped one of its weapons and raised its hand to its throat. It let out a bubbling sound, then fell over backwards with an almighty crash.
Shade got slowly to his feet and retrieved the bolt from the ogre?s neck. After cleaning it of blood he carefully put it back in its box. A quick search of the room revealed nothing of interest, so the assassin continued through the next door.
Eventually he found himself in a large room with two tunnels leading into it and a massive door on the opposite side. Seeing that he couldn?t open the door alone he sat down to wait for Mathew.

Yay, ogres.

A bit short, but still good.

Like Pan said, it could be longer. Since it's a shorter chapter, I can go through it and actually point the stuff out, as opposed to just saying what general areas to improve in.

"Luckily, Ralph had managed to talk him around and stop him from following them." I think that sentence could have been written more clearly, but it still got the message across.

"Shade recognised them as ogres; on a scale of one to ten, their strength was about seven, which coincidentally was about the same as their IQ." WIN! Also, giant spiders and ogres join the list! Not a bad collection of enemies for the first 10 chapters. I'm looking foreward to seeing how the plot speeds up, and how it starts expanding itself. I'm also hoping this fic turns out to be rather long. I enjoy long stories Keep it up!

As already said, the chapter was a bit short, and I have to say that youe previous chapters have been better than this. Though I'm presuming that by meeting up with Dragon he plot will develop a little more and I'll be pulled back into it.

I'm not sure if it's the best chapteri n the fic so far, but it was still a great fight seen. Big dumb and ugly versus crafty and speedy. For the win.

Keep up the good work.

Could it be... another chapter? Yes! Now you'll finally know why somebody would write TOE on a map.

Chapter 11

Mathew headed off down the left passage, intensifying the light which his orb created. After a few hundred meters he reached a set of stairs cut out of the rock itself. At the bottom there was a door. Shaking with anticipation, the scholar went through.
He found himself in a cavern with a sand floor. As he walked across, a tremor came from the ground. Then another. Mathew kept moving, but threw himself to the side as he neared the door. He was only just in time. As he moved, a large creature burrowed out of the ground. It was a giant worm like thing with a round mouth lined with jagged teeth. Its hide was a slightly darker colour than the sand and it had no eyes, but it seemed able to sense him somehow.
The sandworm dived back into the sand, and burst out again right next to the scholar. Without thinking, Mathew drew upon his internal energy and released it in the form of a thin beam of red light. The beam cut through the sandworm?s skin, but sealed the wound as it passed. The monster screeched in pain and dived at the scholar. When Mathew moved, the worm simply continued into the ground.
A few seconds later, it burst out directly underneath the wizard. Mathew was totally unprepared for the assault, but managed to send out a pulse of light into the sandworm, shattering its teeth into fragments. Then it swallowed him whole.
The sandworm stretched out on the ground its full length so that more energy could go into digesting its meal. It shifted a little to get into a more comfortable position, then simply lay still.
Two minutes later, the sandworm felt a burning sensation one side of its body. Suddenly a beam of red light exploded from the burning location. The beam swept up and over the worm?s body, cutting it open from the inside. When the light vanished the sandworm had been cut in half.
Mathew stepped out of the worm?s stomach and winced. The acid had burned a lot of his skin, so he called on a little healing magic to cure himself. After he was recovered he located the exit from the room behind a thin rock screen which the sandworm had damaged, and left the cavern.
The passage snaked a little but continued in roughly a straight line. After another walk, the passage widened into a room. There were small holes about an inch across in the floor and the passage continued on the other side. Mathew paused. There was no apparent reason for the widening of the passage except for a trap, and he didn?t fancy walking into one of those.
He sent his light sphere ahead of him to illuminate the area. As it passed over one of the holes in the floor a beam of light, not unlike that with which he had killed the sandworm, shot out of the hole. It passed through the sphere, but when it hit the ceiling it left a section of the rock scorched black.
Mathew cursed. His robed would make it impossible to avoid all the holes, and there was no way to pass over them. He considered his options. He could either attempt to avoid the holes and possibly set fire to his robe and staff, or try to block the holes.
After several attempts to block the hoes with magic, the wizard resigned himself to trying his best not to destroy his best robes. He held his staff close to his body and stepped out into the wide area. The edge of his robes passed over a hole, and the light beam burned a small round hole in them. Thankfully they didn?t catch fire. He swore again and moved warily onward.
It Mathew the best part of five minutes to cross the area of open floor. Once he did, he examined his clothes. There were burn holes all over the edge of his robes and his staff was scorched, but apart from that there were no major damage.
He sighed. The passage seemed to go on forever. He got up and trudged wearily along it, thinking that Shade must be having an easier time than him. The assassin at least had a physical weapon.
After another long passage he found himself in a room with an enormous door on the other side of it a single torch flickered in the centre of the room. Cautiously he scanned the room for enemies and traps. After verifying that it was safe he moved forward, staff at the ready. A black figure stepped away from the wall.
?Took you long enough.? Shade said, grinning. He walked over to the torch and pulled it out of its holder, then motioned for Mathew to help him open the door. The scholar nodded and set his shoulder against the wood while the assassin did the same.
After several minutes of fruitless effort, Shade examined the door again. Then he punched the door and pulled at the handle. This time the door moved, but there were complex locks and bolts on the other side and it remained closed.
?Stand aside.? Mathew stepped backwards until he was about ten paces from the door. He gathered his energy as Shade ran for cover. ?Light! Solar Flare!? The beam of light exploded from his palms and struck the door, shattering it and destroying anyone who might have been standing on the other side. The recoil of the spell was as great as the last time, but this time the wizard was prepared and braced himself. He was still sent staggering backwards, and Shade stopped him from falling.
?Phew, that took less energy than I expected. I?ll be able to move on in a minute.? When Mathew was recovered they walked through the smouldering wreckage of the door into another short tunnel ending in a door. This time Shade picked the lock and they passed into the chamber beyond without any trouble.
The chamber was in darkness, so Mathew expanded his light sphere to illuminate the floor and walls. The floor was covered in randomly carved lines, while the walls were covered in pictures showing a complex series of rituals involving blood sacrifice and a perfect gemstone. The scholar bent closer to examine the murals, and with a shock he realised that they depicted the ancient wizards creating the Earth crystal. He shuddered. The pictures were very clear about where the power to seal the energy came from. The sacrifices weren?t just for show or to appease whatever gods they worshiped, the rituals showed the wizards ripping souls from their bodies in order to supply the necessary power.
A small panel at the end of the ones showing the crystal?s creation caught his attention. It showed a detailed map of Narlkant, but in the form of the five empires before Magnus the Great had united them. Marked on the map were five locations. They were all marked in an ancient language, but after a few minutes the scholar was able to translate the marking in the desert as ?Temple of Earth.? He called Shade over.
?Hey, wasn?t this place marked TOE on Keshena?s map? I think it must have stood for Temple of Earth, that?s what it?s marked as on this map. Going by that theory, the other points must be other temples, though I?m not sure what the fifth one is for.? He pointed to a piece of text below the map. ?This, I?m sure is important. It reads ?�pner stien av m�rke??
A rumbling sound filled the chamber, then stopped as suddenly as it had begun. Then a low humming began, getting gradually louder until it was almost deafening. Whispers echoed around the room, and hazy figures could be seen.
A blue light flared into existence in the centre of the floor, rapidly spreading along the carved lines until the whole floor was covered in complex patterns and runes. The light completed a circuit of the room along a line which was carved right next to the wall, leaving a vertical blue barrier. It passed Mathew and Shade, who stepped back to avoid it. When it reached the place where it had started its circuit, the light followed the one unlit line back to the centre of the circle. It expanded outwards towards the rim. Shade tried to pass over the blue glowing barrier, but it held firm. Mathew launched beams of searing light into it, but these had just as little effect.
The light passed over the friends, leaving them unharmed. Now the whole interior of the circle glowed blue, and the scholar sensed a massive build-up of energy. The circle flashed once with a blinding light. When it faded, the room was back to normal, but Mathew and Shade were gone.

Horray for the disappearing act! Horray for sandworm that seems suspiciously like the one out of Shadow of the Colossus! Horray for burny traps! Horray for... fic!

Yeah, so it was good, but I'm looking forwards more to the next one, where there's a chance you'll reveal more story. Right?

Hooray for Tom's inability to spell!

"It Mathew the best part of five minutes to cross the area of open floor." Needs moar 'took'.

I predict that Dragon will get beasted very soon. And that there'll be something distinctly unpleasant in the Temple of Earth (though I suppose that could just be Dragon).