POST A JOKE!!!

lol that was funny to me

On 26-Jun-2006 UHA said:

This one's kinda nasty..

There's 48 people and 2 gay people in a burning house. Who makes it out first?
The two gays because they're sh*ts already packed.

Sorry if that offended any homo sexuals...

Some guy put that in his sig once.

I got one. It's a sexist joke.

How long does it take for a man to open a can of beer?

Who cares? It's the woman's job.

I didn't get it.

Maybe these jokes are old but hey, they're all I got.

joke 1:Why did the Blonde stare at the orange juice?

Because it said concentrate on it.

joke 2: When a blonde asked another blonde, which is closer, florida or the moon? The blonde replied after thinking about it.. "Well can you see Florida from here?, the moon is obviously closer"

Joke 3: A blonde, and a black haired girl go to a store. After they were done shopping, the blonde says, I will go get the car, and come back, you wait here.. to her black haired friend. Her friend said. OK. So when the blonde goes to get her car, she realizes she locked her keys inside. So she calls the police to help her. The black haired friend comes out, because it was taking to long for the blonde to get the car.

She asks "what's wrong?".. The blonde replies.. "keys, stuck in the car".

The black haired friend then says "You moron it's a convertable". And gets the keys out and gives it to the blonde.. And then the police arrive, and just leave finding no one there. =D

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on the run from the law when they find an old barn to hide out in. The police are close on their tails, so when the women find three sacks, they immediately jump into them. About a minute later, a policeman comes into the barn and sees the suspicious-looking sacks. He kicks the first one.

"Meow," says the redhead.

"It must be a cat," thinks the policeman and he kicks the second sack.

"Woof," says the brunette.

"Must be a dog," thinks the policeman and he kicks the third sack.

"Potatoes," says the blonde.

That's already been said.

A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The bartender tells him that he has to leave because no pets are allowed. After a little convincing that the monkey is well behaved. The bartender allows him to stay.
A little time goes by and the man asks the bartender for some food for his monkey. The bartender gives him some peanuts, the monkey eats them rapidly and runs over to the pool table and eats the eight ball. The bartender is furious and throws them both out of the bar.

A few weeks go by and the same man enters the same bar with the same monkey on his shoulder. The bartender orders him to leave, because he doesn't want to have to buy anymore eight balls, they're expensive.
After a lot of talking and assuring the bartender that the monkey would not repeat the incident, the bar tender allows him to stay.
A little time goes by and the man once again asks for food for his monkey. The bartender gives him grapes. The monkey picks up one of the grapes and puts it into his behind, pulls it back out and eats it.
The bartender asks, what the heck was that for? The man replies, well you see sir, after the eight ball incident, he measures everything before he eats it.

what kind of vegetable dont you take on a boat?



a leek!



what do you call a sheep on a trampoline?


wooly jumper.

lol aeshma's one was great here's one

This guy suspects his wife is cheating on him. He comes home early and she meets him at the door in a bathrobe, her hair a mess. "Where is he?" he shouts. "Where's the guy who's been sleeping with you?" "I don't know what you're talking about" she says so he tears the house apart looking for this guy. Finally he's on the second floor, in the kitchen, he looks out the window and sees some guy sitting in a Volkswagen. "Aha!" he thinks, "That's the guy who's been sleeping with my wife." He's so furious he picks up the refrigerator, throws it out the window at the guy, has a heart attack and dies.

So St. Peter meets him at the gates of Heaven and asks "What are you doing here?" The guy says "Well, I knew my wife was cheating on me so I came home eartly from work, saw him sitting in his Volkswagen out on the street, threw the refrigerator at him, I had a heart attack and died." St. Peter says "You don't belong here; go to Hell." He pulls a big lever, a trap door opens up and the guy disappears.

A few minutes later another guy comes up to St. Peter at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter asks "What are you doing here?" The guy says "I don't know! I was just sitting in my Volkswagen, minding my own business, when suddenly somebody throws a refrigerator at me." St. Peter wags his finger and says "I heard about you... you go to Hell too." He pulls the lever and the guy disappears.

A few minutes later another guy comes up to St. Peter at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter asks "What are you doing here?" The guy says "I don't know! I was just sitting in a refrigerator, minding my own

I found this and it is so funny

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

That was sorta funny, but just a teen being stupid.

ok i dont think that any of you have put this on but anyways ok theres a boy at school his teacher tells him to study so he goes home and ask his sister to help him his sister tells him to sthu up then he goes to his dad to help him and his dad screams 99!99!(hes watching a football game)he goes to his mom and ask her to help him and she screams my buns my buns(cooking bread and buns are burnt and not that nasty way)so the next day he goes to school and his teacher ask himif he study he says shut up so he goes to the princeable(spelling) the princeable(again spelling)ask how many whacks he wants and he yells 99!991after that he starts yelling my buns my buns AND IF U WANT SOMETHING FUNNY GO TO FUNNYJUNK.COM AND CLICK ON MOST ANNOYING PAGE 2(HAVE TO GO THROUGH 200POP UPS BUT ITS FUNNY)

Right now, I am to lazy to post a long joke so here is a short and corny one:

If musturd can talk, what would it say?
I, Mus Turd!
(I Must terd)

That was good ok .....a burnette a blonde and a red head was walking up the 1000 steps to heaven and god said on every step i am going to tell u a joke if u laugh u have to go down so the red head gets to the 146th step and laughed the burnette gets to the 589th step and laughed,the blonde got to the 999th step and laughed and god said i havent even told u the joke and the blonde said " i just now got the first one"

On 28-Jun-2006 hunter15shadow said:

I found this and it is so funny

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

I think I saw that on eBaums. And, they hired him! XD