Soul Edge: Chronicles of the souls

OK, this is my newest fan fic (If you haven't read my other fic, you're lucky)and my first on this forum. I am open to suggestions if you have any so I can improve this. Just a note in case you haven't guessed yet that this fic contains strong language and violence. Then again, what's the fun of a fic without them?

Soul Edge: Chronicles of the souls

Prologue

?Transcending history and the world
A tale of souls and swords, eternally retold.? - anonymous.

?Chosen by history, a man becomes a hero.
Engraved in to history, a hero becomes a legend.? - 14th century song.

Many legends have told about it. The most powerful blade ever to exist. Some called it the demon sword, others called it the sword of heroes. Some even called it the Sword of Salvation. But in all of these tales, the sword, real name Soul Edge, has been described as the greatest sword ever that was created at the dawn of time.

Many people had heard of it, but just dismissed the stories, while others believed the legends and went off to search for the blade. Some to utilise the blade?s powers, others to destroy the blade so it?s immense power wouldn?t fall in to the wrong hands. What many of these people didn?t know, however, was the true nature of the sword. Soul Edge was an evil, malevolent blade that fed on human souls to increase it?s already formidable power.

But, at the same time of Soul Edge?s creation, another sword of the opposite energy, called Soul Calibur, was born. The two blades fought countless times behind the scenes of time. At one point, the then wielder of the sword, a pirate who went by the name Cervantes, was killed by three individuals, a ninja, a night and a female from Greece. The knight, who went by the name of Siegfried Schtauffen, became possessed by the sword and became feared the world over as ?The Azure Knight?.

Soul Edge was weakened by this fight, so ?The Azure Knight?, who?s proper name was Nightmare, roamed the world killing people and stealing their souls to power up Soul Edge once again. Accompanied by a golem called Astaroth, who also wanted to return Soul Edge to it?s former glory, they managed to provide the evil blade with enough souls to reunite the sword with it?s true strength so it could create terror over the world once again.

This was not to be, however, as just when Soul Edge had reached it?s full power, three individuals invaded Nightmare?s stronghold of Ostrheinsburg chapel. Astaroth tried to stop them from reaching Nightmare, but one of them, armed with a nunchaku, stayed behind to defeat the golem while his two friends, one a man armed with a rod, the other a female with the legendary Soul Calibur, went on to confront the Azure Knight.

After the fight, which Nightmare lost, the female managed to smash half of Soul Edge. The shards of that half of the blade were scattered all the way around the world, while the other half lost most of it?s power. This was done at a price, though, as Soul Calibur was lost to the void.

4 years passed since the titanic dual, and the tales of the swords were know as legends only by the very select few. The souls who fought for or against the blade, though, had yet to realise that their fate had not yet broken free from the Soul Edge legacy, while new souls were awakening to see what destiny had in store for them.

« Last edited by Cervantes De Leon on Jun 4th 2006 »

I'm not going to write anything particular just yet. I'll have to see more.

it seems alright, so far. but i cant really judge until ive seen your personal creativity. but i think a couple things vould be worded better:

"But in all of these tales, the sword, real name Soul Edge"

You might say something like "but in all these tales, Soul Edge, as the sword was truly named..."

or something like that. it just doesnt sound right as it is.

"who also wanted to return Soul Edge to it?s former glory, they managed"

the they should be "he". you already included that astaroth was accompanying him, so saying they is redundant.

other than that, it looks good.

Thanks for the pointers Seos.

Chapter 1

Abydonia, Northern Scotland

?Hey, brother, wake up.?

?Hmmph. Give me 10 more minutes.? was the reply I gave him.

?But brother, today?s the day of the festival!?

?Huh?? I arose suddenly and thought for a moment. ?Oh yeah, I remember now.?

Upon remembering why today was special, I decided to get up. Today was the day of our village?s annual festival of acceptance, and I just couldn?t wait for tonight. At the festival all people who had come of age over the past year were initiated and accepted as adults. Since I became 15 this year, it is my turn to be initiated. After putting on my favourite clothes, a brown tunic and grey trousers, I went and had some breakfast, before going outside to visit our village weapon master.

?Ah, young master Stephen.? he said as I entered his hut. ?What can I do for you today.? I walked over to his weapon stand and searched for a particular set of weapons. Weapons that I had been training with for six years now and had almost fully mastered. I eventually came across them, two average-length sticks that were shaped like swords in their holders. ?Ah. So it?s a small bit of training before your initiation, is it? Well the practice arena is open as always.? I nodded and head out to the back of the hut and started to practice.

After about an hour of training I stopped for a little rest. ?Bravo Stephen, that?s some real skill you?ve got there.? I heard. I looked over to see that my father had come in to watch me train. ?Listen Stephen.? He said as I went over to him. Since this is the day of your initiation, I thought, well, me and your mother thought, that it was about time that we gave these to you.? As he said this, he took from behind his back two claymores in their holders. I gasped, realising that these were my fathers old weapons. ?Are you sure about this?? I said, startled that my father would want to give me something that I knew meant so much to him. ?I know that you want me to keep them because you think they?re special, but,? he stopped for a minute and took a big sigh before continuing, ?they would be more special to me if they were able to serve someone again. Someone like you.? I thought over these words for a few moments before saying ?Thanks dad.? and gave him a hug.

That afternoon, the festival started. I, as usual, walked around the area aimlessly seeing if there was anything decent around. As I was looking, I noticed an odd figure enter the village. He wore a brown robe with a hood that covered his face. It also seemed that, somehow, he had glowing red eyes. ?This could be trouble? I thought to myself and decided to follow him. The guy moved swiftly through the crowd of people as if he already knew where he was going despite only being in our village for about 2 minutes. As he got away from the festival area and headed towards the huts, I stayed behind and watched for which hut he would enter. He walked over to the central most hut - the Chief?s hut - and walked in casually. ?Gotcha? I thought to myself and followed.

As I approached the Chief?s hut, I looked around the place, just to make sure nobody had followed me, and went to the hut window. The man was on his knees I front of the Chief and appeared to be offering him something. I couldn?t make it out as it was in a small box that itself must have been of some high value. ?Me and my people wish to increase ties between our tribes. So, in exchange for your trust, we wish to give you this rare item.? I could just hear the man say. Our chief stood up and took the object from the box. I couldn?t see it clearly, but it seemed to be glowing red. ?The shard that you hold in your hand is from a legendary weapon that has existed since the dawn of time.? the man continued. ?It was shattered because of it?s great power many years ago. I must emphasize what extreme lengths I went to get this item.? I stared at the two of them, hoping that our Chief wouldn?t accept this, mainly because I had this weird feeling about it, something I had never felt before. ?Very well. You can tell your people that they have our trust.? Our leader said to the man with some sort of proud look on his face. ?Damn.? I said to myself and decided to leave before the man got out and saw me eavesdropping.

As the sun set, I leaned against a wall just outside the village, watching the man walk off to the south. ?There?s something about that shard that isn?t right.? I thought. ?I mean, he came out of the blue and offered us something of such value just for back-up.? The man was now out of view, but I continued to look in the direction he headed off to. ?I?ve got to get that shard? I said, ?and soon, before anything happens.?

Chapter 2

?Just try and forget about it for a minute, OK?? I said to myself as I waited in the church alter for my initiation. The church was absolutely stunning, the whole place was gold from the light of the candles that surrounded the minister. The windows had been newly cleaned so that the moonlight could get in. There were statues of legendary warriors that lost their lives fighting for our people, each one looking as if they could come to life any moment and introduce themselves to you.

As I continued to look around, I spotted the Chief over at the other side of the church. Nobody else was near him so, forgetting what I had said a few seconds ago, I went over to speak to him. ?Ah, Stephen? he said as I walked up to him, ?big day for you, isn?t it??
?Chief, I need to talk to you about something.? I said to him as soon as he finished speaking. He seemed a little stunned at my sudden change of subject, but eventually replied with ?well, what ever is the matter??
?Well, you know that man who came in to the village today.?
?Err?wh-what man?? he spluttered out.
?The man that went in to your hut thi-?
?Silence!? he sternly said in a way I had never heard before. His sudden bitter attitude was completely unlike him. ?Now you will forget everything you saw about him, got it!? And if you tell anyone else about it?you will regret it boy.?

Slightly shaken by this I went back to where I was previously standing and tried to bring myself together. It was the first time I had ever seen our leader angry with anyone as his nature was usually cheerful and peaceful to all people in our village. ?It?s got to be something with that shard? I reassured myself and relaxed a bit. I looked back to the Chief who, all of a sudden, looked quite ill. He held his stomach and ran out of the chapel, looking as if he was going to be sick. I stared towards the church entrance as he left the building, wondering whether I should follow him or not.

?Master Stephen, your time has come.? the minister said to me just when I was away to give chase. Being forced to change my plans, I reluctantly walked up to the minister and knelt before him. ?Young master Stephen? started the minister, ?As day turns to night turns to day, you have aged from baby to child, and now to adult. So, by the powers of the ancient ones that watch over us to this day, I hea-?

Suddenly, two large swords came ripping through the wall and skewered the minister, instantly killing him. This caused most of the people in the church to start screaming and run towards the exit. The swords were withdrawn, and the minister collapsed on top of me, causing more screaming from people who had yet to leave the church. I managed to lift his corpse after some struggle and, wiping some of the blood off my face, ran for the exit. When I got out, I was horrified. The whole village was ablaze. People were running everywhere, avoiding corpses that had accumulated on the ground. After taking this all in I decided I had to get home and put a stop to this. ?This is that shard?s doing.? I said to myself and dashed to my hut, which was conveniently nearby.

I ran in to our hut, avoiding what remained of the door and grabbed my weapons. ?Stop, Stephen, you can?t.? yelled my mother, who was sheltering under the table with my younger brother. ?Mum, I have to help put a stop to this. I think I know what?s causing it.? I told her and advanced towards what was once our front door. ?Stephen, there are people out there taking care of it. Your father is out there helping. You can help by staying here, got it?? she said with a bit of panic in her voice. ?But, mum,? I started, but decided not to finish. It was useless to try and argue with my mum.

Suddenly, something came flying through the window and landed at the other side of the room. I looked over to it to see that it was a body. A familiar body. A familiar body gravely wounded and on fire. I slowly walked over to the burning body, despite the smell of burning flesh making me want to run. I knelt before this person who was surprisingly still conscious, and spoke to him. ?D-dad??
?Stephen??.watch out?..his strength?is in..human? said my father exhausted. ?Come on dad. You can do this.? I said, pouring a cup of water that my mum gave me over him. ?Stephen?please?.help out?.this village?help???..urgh.?
??..Dad??
??????????..?

I don?t know how long I sat next to the dead body of my father. It seemed like an eternity, yet was probably only a few seconds. I thought that I would be feeling a hug amount of grief, yet I wasn?t. I was feeling angry, I needed to get revenge. I dried my eyes, stood up and, without a word to my mother or brother, went outside, claymores drawn, to face the enemy.

The village was now quiet, obviously the shard had killed everyone that opposed it. Except one, me. I took a few steps forward and heard a grunt from the church. I looked over and saw the Chief climbing up the wall. ?What the hell?? I said, which, unfortunately for my sake, alerted the Chief of my presence. ?Crap.? I thought as he jumped from the church and landed in front of me, screaming. He had no weapon, it seemed that the shard had mutated his nails in to deadly claws and made his teeth razor-sharp. The shard, which he wore around his neck, was glowing more intensely than when I first saw it. I was slightly intimidated by his beastly appearance, I tried to forget about it. ?He is my opponent, not a friend. I must defeat him, for his sake, for the village?s sake?for my father?s sake.? I though, before readying myself for my first proper battle.

One quick small suggestion I need to get out of the way:

"............." <<".." <<The correct way for any amount or situation is, "..." <<< three

also, you might want to seperate your quotes. like, you have dad talking then stephen then dad... and its all in the same paragraph. kinda confusing, if you ask me.
but it does seem pretty cool.

In response to T Virus, it's to symbolise that Stephen's father has just died and he gives him a chance to say something in case he is still alive.

Chapter 3

?Now, two souls are fiercely entangled.? - ancient description of warriors before battle.

?You will not destroy this village!? I yelled to the mutated chief, who seemed to become agitated just by standing still for a few seconds. He lunged forward towards me, claws drawn and teeth exposed, ready to kill. I dodged just in time and kicked him in the back, knocking him to the ground. The chief got back up and screamed at me, probably in an attempt to scare me off. I stepped backwards a bit so I could get some distance between us, just in case of any sneak attacks. The chief followed my movements, trying to make as little space between us as possible.

All of a sudden, he charged forward an lashed out. I back flipped out of the way and slashed at his nails. My swords clanged off them, just like normal swords would when clashed together. The chief grabbed my left arm and threw me across the village, then started to charge forward towards me again. I quickly rolled out of the way and slashed his legs as he ran past. The chief fell to the ground, screaming in pain as I stood up and walked over to him. I walked over to his head, avoiding his attempts to chew my legs off, and looked down at him. His eyes were red - just like the merchant?s eyes were - and, strangely, weren?t moving at all. He weren?t even blinking. It was then that I realised what I had to do.

I ran back a bit, giving both of us some distance between each other, and let him get back up on to his feet. ?Come on then. I?m wide open!? I yelled to him and returned both of my claymores to their holders. He seemed to be ignoring me, probably because he had realised I wasn?t going down as easily as everyone else, and started walking off in the opposite direction. ?Come on! I?m an open target!? I taunted and looked around for something to throw. I found a burning piece of wood next to my feet, small enough to be throwable. ?Catch this you freak!? I yelled as I launched the piece of wood at him. The burning wood connected with his neck, causing him to yelp in pain. He turned around and charged at me, faster than I anticipated. I stood my ground, my right hand hovering above the hilt of my left claymore. The chief got closer with each passing second and, glancing to both sides and seeing two burning huts at either side, I realised escape was now impossible. He raised his left arm and prepared to strike.

?Hyah!?

I drew my left sword and slashed at his neck, successfully cutting off the shard from his neck. He instantly lost his power, and fell in to my arms. ?Stephen. You did it. You freed me from the shard.?
The chief?s eyes returned to normal, but, for some reason, he retained all of his other mutated features. I looked down at the shard and was shocked to see that it was still glowing as brightly as when he wore it. The chief got up and started to writher in pain. ?Stephen!? he yelled, ?The shard is trying to possess me again!?
?What!? I said surprised.
?There?s only one thing for it!? He continued. ?You must kill me, NOW!?
?But??
?Hurry, before It?s too late!?
I decided that there was nothing else to do. I raised my drawn sword and drew it straight through the chief?s chest. He yelled in pain for a few seconds, then went silent. I withdrew my sword from his body and, dropping to the ground, let out a sigh of relief.

I looked over to the shard again, which was now glowing more brightly than ever. It flashed red for a few seconds?then stopped. I looked around and was in shock. All of the fire was out. Every hut had been repaired and the place was peaceful again. I looked to the chief?s body. He was normal again, but still dead. Suddenly, I heard screams from all over the village. People came out of their huts yelling about relations being murdered in their own homes.
?Brother. Daddy?s dead!?
My younger brother, Brendan, came running out and grabbed my leg, crying uncontrollably. I looked down at Brendan and remembered my father and the last words he said to me ?please help this village.? A tear came to my eye which I quickly wiped away.

Brendan looked up at me and noticed my drawn claymore. ?Why?s your sword covered in blood?? I looked at it, realising that he was right. Then I looked down at my tunic, which was stained by the minister?s blood from when he fell on me. ?Did you?kill the chief?? Brendan asked as he saw his corpse behind me. ?Yes.? I said, ?I had to protect the village.?
?You murdered him!?
?What??
?You killed him, and?and everyone else. You killed daddy!?
?No I didn?t.? I said ?He killed them. I was protecting us.?
?You?re lying!?
As he said this, I looked around. Everyone who was still alive was around me. ?The shard.? I thought, ?It must have erased their memories.?
?Wait.? I said as two men grabbed me by each arm, ?This isn?t what it looks like.? As they dragged me away from the crowd, I realised that nobody was believing me.
?This is bad.? I thought as the sun started to rise behind me.

« Last edited by Cervantes De Leon on Jun 7th 2006 »

Chapter 4

?This is bad, very bad.? I thought to myself as all the surviving members of the village stood around me constantly throwing insults at me. The whole village thought that I was a traitor, so, as the village elders, who usually sat below the chief in importance in the village, discussed among themselves about what to do with me, they left me hanging upside-down on a tree planted outside the church. I looked around the crowd that was around me and noticed Brendan near the front. ?Brendan!? I yelled out to him, ?I need some help over here.? He didn?t respond to my call. ?Hey, bro? Remember when I helped you out of that ditch? Come on, I need your he-?
A stone thrown by Brendan connected with my forehead. ?OW! You brat!?

As I rubbed my head in pain, the village elders came through the crowd and approached me. The five stood in front of me as to block off the view for the villagers. One of them, the head of the elders, stood forward and cleared his throat. ?Stephen? he said harshly, ?because of your shameful murder many of the villagers in this place, including your own father and the village chief, we have decided?? he paused for a moment. As he did this, I looked around and saw my mother who, unlike my brother, seemed to still worry for me. The elder continued, ?to execute you!?
?What!? I yelled in shock, but I was dulled out by the cheering of the crowd. ?Curse that bloody shard.? I thought to myself, giving up all hope of anything.

?Wait!? someone yelled from the crowd. I looked over to see my mother running to my side. ?Hmph. What is it?? the elder said impatiently, holding his hand out to stop the crowd from approaching. ?This all happened before he was initiated to adulthood, wasn?t it? And isn?t it said that only an adult can be executed?? The elders pondered over this for a few moments, before coming to a decision. ?Because of this little problem that has been pointed out, and as not to anger our ancestors for disobeying their ways, I hereby take back the previous sentence of execution??
?Phew? I said, realising another reason why I loved my mother.
??and instead, we have to decided to exile Stephen.?
???but..but there must be some other way of sorting this?? my mum pleaded to the elders. ?Mum.? I said, trying to stop her before she got herself in to trouble. ?If you people want to exile me, then I will leave as you people wish.? My mother stared at me for a few seconds, before bursting in to tears and running for her house. I stared at her house for a few seconds before noticing someone was standing next to the rope with a knife. ?Ow!? I yelled as my head hit the ground.

I ran towards the house to see if my mother was OK, until I was stopped by Brendan ? Get out of here you traitor.? he yelled at me, blocking the door to what used to be my home. ?So I don?t get a chance to pack my stuff then, do I?? I said bitterly to this pathetic excuse of a brother. As I said this, I felt a hand come down hard on my shoulder, and looked over to see one of the village warriors. ?No. You don?t.? He said, escorting me to the village gate. As he got to the gate, He shoved me forward, making me fall in to a puddle of mud. ?And NEVER show your face here again!? he yelled as the gate closed.

I got up, wiped off some of the mud and started to walk away from what used to be my hometown. ?And take this with you!? the warrior yelled, throwing something over the wall. I picked it up and gasped. ?It?s the shard!? I said. I looked back at the village for a few moments, before suddenly coming up with an idea. ?Maybe if I find out the source of this evil, and destroy it, they?ll regain their memories.? I thought. I turned around and walked away from the village, but stopped. ?The only problem is, where is it?? I thought, looking up to the morning sky. Suddenly, the shard came to life and started glowing, just as it had done the night before. Something came up in my mind, it was as if the shard was wanting to tell me something. It seemed as if it wanted to be returned to the man that gave it to the chief. I suddenly remembered this person and, angered, put the shard in to a pouch that was on my belt and, remembering which way he went the day before, headed south.

Hi! Good story do far, when can we expect the next chapter? Also, can I suggest that you don't make my usual mistake and have the main charicter change personality for no reason. You haven't done it yet, but keep on the lookout,ok? Great fic!

You already know what I think about this fic. You also already know that double-posting should not be done, regardless of what Holly may have told you.

See, I told you a Mod would get you for it.

Hmph

Chapter 5

Southern Scotland

Four days had passed since I had been forced to leave my home village and I was exhausted. As I looked around, the scenery was completely different to what I was used to at home. Instead of the mountainous land of my origins was flat fields of crops for a town that I heard was just up ahead. As I looked around, I suddenly felt something from the pouch on my belt. I took the pouch off of my belt and opened it to see what was happening to the shard. The shard started glowing quite rapidly all of a sudden. ?It must be reacting to something nearby? I thought to myself, looking around for any possible source. I then noticed a house just up ahead. I noticed someone at the door of the house, looking around to se if anyone was watching. He turned in my direction, not noticing me going by, and went inside. ?I thought about the man for a few moments before remembering. ?That?s the man that came to our village!? I thought. I jumped off the cart I was hitching a ride off of and ran towards the house. ?What am I supposed to do?? I thought to myself. ?This guy ruined my life, killed most of my people, who now all hate me because of it. I don?t know if this guy has any powers, so I?d better be careful.?

I stood in front of the door, raising my hand to knock on it, but stopped. ?Keep it together Stephen.? I said to myself, still unsure about how to treat this guy. I stood there for a few minutes, trying to gain enough courage to do this. ?Well, I?m going to have to do this eventually.? I thought and managed to knock twice on the door. After a few moments, the door opened, and the man stood there, hood over his head, staring at me. ?Err?Hi. I?m a traveller from the north and was wondering if you could help me out a bit.? I nervously said, trying to resist the urge to punch the man in the face. ?Sure, come on in.? the man said and opened the door wider so I could get in. I walked in and looked around his house while the man closed the door. The man?s house was not what I expected. Stuff was just thrown on the floor, crumbs of food were all over the place, most of which was rotting, and dust laid on the place like a blanket.

?So,? started the man, walking past me, ?where about do you come from?? I thought for a moment, ?Should I tell this guy my actual home town, or make something up?? unable to think of anything else, I said ?Just some village up north.?
?I see.? said the man, who was observing me suspiciously. ?Hey, is that claymores you?ve got there?? he said looking at the weapons attached to my belt. ?Err, yeah, they are.? I said, ?How did you guess??
?Well, I am familiar with the designs of weapons as I have travelled around a lot, but yours seems a bit odd. It is designed like a claymore, both of them are, but they don?t look like one.? He stood there for a moment, obviously wondering if his expertise in local weaponry was failing him. ?Well,? I started as to put the man out of his misery, ?these weapons were originally my fathers, who liked the power of the claymore, but didn?t like it?s bulk as he also liked to wield two swords at once. So he found a local metal and crafted it in to two claymore-like swords, these.? As I said this, I drew one of them to show him. ?He also made the blade a bit shorter than most other claymores for reduced weight, allowing him to use both in battle at one.? I gave him the claymore so he could feel for himself what it was like. ?Well, it is a lot lighter, yet still feels like a claymore. Your father must have been quite a craftsman.?

As he said this, anger started to build inside me. I was still upset about my fathers passing, and the fact that the causer of this being next to me didn?t help it. ?My father was a craftsman,? I said to him while looking down at the dust covered ground. ?he was until he was killed.?
?Oh my.? said the man, sounding quite shocked. ?I?m terribly sorry.?
?So you should be.? I said and, in a sudden burst of anger, grabbed him by the collar and pinned him against the wall. ?Wh-what is the meaning of this?? he spluttered out as I drew my second claymore and held it near his neck. ?Because of you half of my people are dead, including my father.? I spat at him, bringing my weapon closer to his throat. ?If you don?t tell me where you got that shard you gave to us from, you?ll be joining them.?
?What shard!? he yelled, as if he didn?t have a clue what I was going on about. I let go of him and took the shard out of it?s pouch. ?This one? I said to him, calming down slightly. The man gasped, dropping my claymore. ?Oh God.? he said, sounding quite scared. ?Come upstairs. I need to show you something.? I picked up my dropped claymore and followed him.

Upstairs was just as messy as the room downstairs with stuff covering the ground like a carpet. The man took a box, similar to the one he had when he came to my village, and held it out to me. ?That shard you hold is from a weapon named Soul Edge. It was shattered by another sword four years ago, but the shards have somehow retained their power.? he said as he opened the box. He took out something from the box, but he held it tight in his hand so I couldn?t see it. ?That shard is one of many scattered all over the world.? He said, unclenching his fist to reveal the item. ?And this is another one of them.? He put the box down and grabbed my hand. He held my hand out and put the shard in to it. ?If you want to destroy this, you?ll need to gather as many as you can.? He said softly, almost as if he was trying to pass on wisdom.

Suddenly, he jerked back, losing grip on my hand, and held on to a wall. ?Stay back!? he yelled before I got a chance to walk over and help him. ?It?s Soul Edge!? he yelled in a rather high voice, ?It?s trying to possess me again!? He stumbled all over the room, occasionally laughing for some reason. ?There?s no way your getting meeeee!? He yelled before approaching the window, laughing hysterically. ?Wait! Where did you get these?? I called out as he jumped up on to the window frame. ?Head down to France!? he yelled out. ?Look for a man who goes by the name of Raphael Sorel. He?ll know about it.? Upon saying this, he jumped out the window, laughing all the way down to the ground before landing with a dull thud.

I went outside and checked the man?s body to see if he was still alive. ?Poor guy.? I said, realising that he had broken his neck from the fall. ?The sword brought him to insanity. It must have possessed him to spread the shards around and cause destruction.? I looked up and, remembering his last words about where to go, headed off. ?This Raphael better know about Soul Edge.? I said to myself.

« Last edited by Cervantes De Leon on Jun 8th 2006 »

Hmmmmm. I quite like this. His dad got owned. =D

Yeah, its pretty good. I DO have a couple suggestions.

"The shard started glowing quite rapidly all of a sudden"
Maybe its just me, but the word glowing implies like a constanty shine. from the word rapidly, i think you meant something more like blinking.

also, you've got a couple typos you could edit IF you want to.
looking around to se if anyone was watching. He turned in my direction, not noticing me going by, and went inside. ?I thought about the man for a few moments before remembering. ?That?s the man that came to our village!?
se should be see, and the first quotation mark doesnt need to be there.

other than that, it's pretty good.

Chapter 6

Southern England

The past few days had been living hell for me. I had spent it trying to get through England, which was hard because the English had hated me and my people since I can remember. I had been spotted several times during my journey, but I managed to get away narrowly each time. These regular occurrences had meant that the English had a reward for my head for trespassing. I now stood at a heavily guarded dock, which meant news about my trespass had spread quickly. I looked at the other side of the dock and noticed a ship getting ready to set sail. After eavesdropping on some of the guards, I had learned that the ship was heading for southern France. I then knew that I had to get on board before the ship took off without being spotted by the guards.

I jumped down on to the dock and hid behind a pile of crates as a guard came my way. As he walked away, I noticed another pile of crates nearby with no guards near it. I quickly dashed towards it, making sure I wasn?t seen. ?Nearly there.? I thought to myself as I saw the ship just a bit further along. ?Look! It?s that Scottish rat!? Someone yelled. I looked behind to see that the crates had been shifted, revealing my hiding place. ?****!? I yelled and made a run for the ship, with several guards in pursuit. I ran along the side of the ship looking for a ramp up on board, but I soon realised there wasn?t one ?Where is it?? I said, looking around before noticing people shifting crates along the next walkway at the opposite side of the ship. I made a run for the walkway only to be stopped by one of the guards. This guard, unlike the others, wielded an axe and wore much more armour. He was bigger, and his bulk blocked off the entire walkway. His helmet had two horns on it, obviously symbolising some sort of superiority over the other guards. ?Hah! Good old Berserker?s got him? yelled one of the guards behind him as the axe-wielding guard stepped forward. Drawing my claymores, I prepared for battle that seemed impossible to win.

The berserker raised his axe and swung it down at me. I sidestepped it and made a slash at his armour, but my swords bounced off his armour like jelly. ?How am I supposed to get through armour this thick?? I thought to myself, ducking to avoid having my head sliced off by his axe. I backed off slightly to avoid another downwards swing by the Berserker, who then got his axe stuck in the wooden walkway. Taking the opportunity, I charged forward and desperately tried to hack some of the armour off, each hit barely leaving a scratch. The berserker grabbed me and threw me to the end of the walkway before freeing his axe. I got up and made another charge at him, only to have the blunt side of his axe in my face. I fell to the ground, nose bleeding, realising that it was all over. I looked around me, there was no way I could escape, I couldn?t try and jump in to the water because, being raised in the mountains, I couldn?t swim. ?Wait.? I thought, suddenly realising something. ?With all that armour on, can he swim?? I looked up to see the Berserker raise his axe above his head, away to finish me off. ?Only one way to find out.? I thought and kicked his right leg. The Berserker fell to the ground, his immense weight smashing through the wooden walkway and plunging in to the water below. I looked over the edge of the walkway and saw bubbles coming out of the water. The bubbles kept coming for a few more seconds, then stopped.

I turned towards the guards who were in shock over the fall of their leader. I jumped over the hole in the walkway and, wiping the blood away from under my nose, got back in to battle stance to fight my way past the guards. I stepped forward slightly, just to make sure I wouldn?t be knocked back in to the hole, and noticed that the guards seemed to fear me, as they backed off slightly. I continued to walk forward, weapons ready in case of a sneak attack, and kept on going until there was a clear path to the next walkway. ?Sorry about this,? I said, returning my swords to their scabbards, ?but I?ve got a boat to catch.? With that, I turned around and made a dash for the ship, with the entire group of guards on my tail. I got on to the ship and, before anyone had the chance to wonder why I was onboard, pushed the ramp down on to the walkway so none of the guards could get on board. As the ship took off, I looked as the guards walked away, knowing that they had been beaten. I walked up to a crew member and asked him how long it would be until we reached France. ?Oh, several days at most, sir.? said the man, ?And if you?re coming along, your going to have to help out.? As he said this, he handed me a bucket and mop. ?Get swabbing.? he said. ?This might not be as easy as I first thought? I said when I knew the man was out of earshot and started to swab the deck.

pretty good. I'd still suggest you seperate quotes from different people into different paragraphs, but thats just me. Keep it up.

Heh heh, swab the deck, ye scurvey dog! Only one thing: jelly hadn't been invented in the 16th century. Great chapter.

« Last edited by Sotek on Jun 12th 2006 »

You seem to have a thing for finding out errors like that Sotek, don't you?

Chapter 7

Southern France

I stepped off of the boat and, for the first time in my life, on to foreign ground. France seemed quite a bit different to Scotland and England. For one thing, it seemed like there was a bigger gap between the rich and poor of this city. Some people could afford to live like kings here, while others like slaves. I looked around for anyone who could help me find this Raphael person. I walked up to someone on the street near the dock, who didn?t seem too busy. ?Excuse me. Do you know where I can find a Raphael Sorel?? I asked him.
?Pardon?? the man asked.
?Raphael Sorel.? I repeated. ?Do you know where I can find him??
?Ah oui, aller plus bas dans la rue, le virage est parti et garde le long de ce chemin jusqu'� ce que vous obtenez au manoir. Vous le trouverez le l�-bas.? the man said.
??What??
?Aller plus bas dans la rue, le virage est parti et garde le long de ce chemin jusqu'� ce que vous obtenez au manoir. Vous le trouverez le l�-bas.? he repeated.
?Err?thanks.? I replied, not having a clue of what he just said.
?You OK Stephen?? a crew member said, coming over to me.
?Well, this guy is talking in a way I don?t understand.? I told him.
?Ah. You don?t know the French language.? he chuckled. ?Allow me to help. I?m quite fluent in French.? He turned to the man and said ?O� de ce Raphael l'il vie??
?Aller plus bas dans la rue, le virage est parti et garde le long de ce chemin jusqu'� ce que vous obtenez au manoir.? He said once more.
?He said to go along here, turn left and keep to that path until you reach his mansion.? The crew member told me.
?A mansion?? I said, slightly shocked. I was expecting this person to be an everyday person, not a rich aristocrat. Following the directions, I bid farewell to the crew and headed off in search of Raphael. It was mid morning, and the town square was busy with market stalls everywhere. I struggled to get through the crowd and soon found the turnoff point as I was told. A five minute walk later, I reached an impressive mansion situated all on it?s own away from the city.

Walking up to the gate, I started to wonder ?Would he let me, a foreign commoner, in to his mansion? It doesn?t seem as if he would let any local person come in.? I stopped at the door and, looking around in case he had any guards coming up behind me, knocked on the door. A young girl opened to door. She had red hair and looked no more older than eleven. She wore a white dress that went down to the ground.
?Bonjour.? she said eventually, obviously not expecting someone as common as me.
?Err, hi.? I replied, presuming that what she said was hello. ?is there a Raphael in??
?Etes-vous un ami de mon p�re?? She asked.
?Errr?yes, I am.? I guessed, hoping it wasn?t something negative.
?Un moment.? she said, and headed back in to the mansion. I waited at the door and listened in to her conversation with someone.
?Le papa, il y l'a � la porte pour vous.?
?Qui l'est Amy??
?Ne pas savoir, mais il dit qu'il est un ami du v�tre.?
?Dire qu'il baise de. J'aucun besoin plus long pour parler n'importe quel de mes vieux amis.?
?Je ne pense pas c'est un de vos vieux amis.?
?Hmph. Je verrai qu'il veut.?
I heard footsteps coming towards the door after that, so I stood back so that the person wouldn?t catch me listening in. A man came to the door. He had blonde hair styled backwards at the sides and wore a blue jacket-like top over a black and red shirt with dark grey trousers and grey boots with blue covering the bottom of them. He wore some sort of gold item on a chain around his neck, which seemed very expensive. ?Que voulez-vous?? he said stubbornly.
?Hi. I was told that Raphael lived here and he knew about Soul Edge.? I said.
?You know abut the blade?? he said, in plain, understandable English.
?Yes. Is that a problem??
?No. Please, come in.? Upon saying this, he opened the door wide to allow me in. ?Just go straight through in to the next room.? He said and went upstairs. I entered the next room, and was amazed at the scale of the place. The room was a giant library, with a small semi-circle section that I stood on and the rest of the room going several floors down. Several pillars went around the platform, which added to the brilliance of this room.

?Impressive, is it not??
I turned around to see the man enter the room with a few rolled up pieces of paper and a small, thin sword. He put down the sword next to the door and walked over to me with the papers. ?Sorry about earlier,? he started, ?I was unaware that you were English.?
?I?m actually Scottish.? I said bitterly, not wanting to be associated with English people.
?OK then.? he said, not really paying attention to what I said. ?Anyway, my name is Raphael. You already know about the sword?s powers, don?t you??
?I know some about it.? I answered, hoping he would skip all the stuff I already knew.
?So you know about the sword?s uses, it?s source of power, and it?s past story??
?For evil, souls and it was destroyed by another sword.? I said, trying to sound intelligent.
?Well, you?ve still a lot to learn about it.? He said, not impressed by my smugness.
?All I need to know is where the shards are and how I can destroy them.? I said, starting to get a bit annoyed by Raphael.
?Destroy it?? He said, quite startled by that word for some reason, ?Why would you want to destroy it??
?Do you have any idea how much pain that sword has caused me?? I yelled, still angry about the whole subject, ?That sword lost me my family, my home, my people?everything.?
?I know perfectly well what it?s like to lose to everything to that sword!? Raphael yelled, leaning on his arm against a bookcase.
?Oh.? I said, losing all anger that had built up inside of me, ?I?m sorry. I didn?t know.?
?It doesn?t matter.? said Raphael, moving away from the bookcase and picking up his sword. ?What does matter is what I can gain from the sword. I need that sword, and I?ll kill you right here, right now if you plan to stop me.?
?You just don?t get it, do you?? I said, drawing my claymores and going in to battle stance.

The storyline is decent, but you could use some work on grammatical things. like punctuation, capitalization... things like that. Example:

"Err, hi.? I replied, presuming that what she said was hello. ?is there a Raphael in??

for that to be grammatically correct, itd have to be:

"Err... hi," I replied, presuming that what she had said was hello. "Is there a Raphael in?"

But other than those type of things, its pretty good.

Yes, I'm quite good at that, do you want me to mention the first one I found? I haven't said anything here yet, but if you want...

Nice chapter, though I can't be bothered to translate the French. Je ne Frog pas!