My poetry.

I didn't know if this was supposed to go into FF and RP so I just posted it here. Comments please :D

http://smuglorda.deviantart.com/art/Journey-of-the-Day-209994032

It's about life in school and stuff. That's on DeviantArt so please drop a comment here or there :D

« Last edited by BURNOUTFREAK on May 24th 2011 »

Should be in Fan Fiction and Role Play.

Moving...

I thought it belongs here but since it's only called FF and RP I wasn't sure. Thanks for moving even though it will get less attention now.

Yeah, if you want to show anyone your own written work, it goes in here. Unless it's music.

You're welcome. Even if it does get less views here, at least half of those views won't just be people telling you that you posted it in the wrong forum.

Might want to pick a more mature thread title, it'll make more people take the thread seriously. Also, I'd copy and paste the poem into the forum rather than linking to an externel site; it just looks neater that way.

So, onto the poem. It's interesting, to say the least. May I take it you don't care much for school?

Overall it's pretty good. A couple of minor points spring to mind however.

Point the first: in stanza two, your third line is twice as long as any other. It looks less neat, and doesn't flow as well as it could.

Point the second: in stanza four you use the same sound to end each line, which sounds inferior to how you were rhyming it before.

Point the final: In the last stanza you abandon rhyming entirely. Couldn't you find anything that rhymed with tomorrow? How about sorrow? Borrow? There's plenty to choose from.

Anyway, that's my thoughts on the matter. Hope they were helpful!

That's not bad, do you write poetry on a regular basis? Also, basically the stuff Sotek said, and one other thing...it's not really concrete poetry, I don't think. If I'm not mistaken, concrete poetry makes a picture. Anyway, nice job. I liked it.

Do you think of speech patterns as you write? I find it helps when writing verses. Even if it is not music, I will write to the way a favorite rapper flows or a singer cuts her words.

Actually that was the first poem I ever submitted, I wrote 3 yesterday. Here's another:
Spoiler:

Sotek said:

Might want to pick a more mature thread title, it'll make more people take the thread seriously. Also, I'd copy and paste the poem into the forum rather than linking to an externel site; it just looks neater that way.

So, onto the poem. It's interesting, to say the least. May I take it you don't care much for school?

Overall it's pretty good. A couple of minor points spring to mind however.

Point the first: in stanza two, your third line is twice as long as any other. It looks less neat, and doesn't flow as well as it could.

Point the second: in stanza four you use the same sound to end each line, which sounds inferior to how you were rhyming it before.

Point the final: In the last stanza you abandon rhyming entirely. Couldn't you find anything that rhymed with tomorrow? How about sorrow? Borrow? There's plenty to choose from.

Anyway, that's my thoughts on the matter. Hope they were helpful!

I made a DA link to get more pageviews and such. Title changed, thanks for the tips :D I won't change the poem however.

kazualsk8r said:

That's not bad, do you write poetry on a regular basis? Also, basically the stuff Sotek said, and one other thing...it's not really concrete poetry, I don't think. If I'm not mistaken, concrete poetry makes a picture. Anyway, nice job. I liked it.

No I wrote 3 poems yesterday and that's about it :P I have no idea what concrete poetry is...

Craizen said:

Do you think of speech patterns as you write? I find it helps when writing verses. Even if it is not music, I will write to the way a favorite rapper flows or a singer cuts her words.

I know what you mean, I'll try to do it better next time like in my next poem above this one.

Actually now that I think about it, I hate it. It was a lame attempt.

It's really not that bad. It flows decently and tells a nice story.

That's good stuff. You might have some talent, if you keep that up. And when I said concrete poetry, I saw that you tagged your first one as that....it's not. Keep at it though, they're an enjoyable read.

This almost makes me want to upload some of my work.......

« Last edited by kazualsk8r on May 25th 2011 »

Why thank you :D I've written five in two days, haven't written anything today yet because I just can't find anything to write about. I'd love to see your stuff kazualsk8r, DA is a good place to post it.

Or here. And perhaps I shall. If you're looking for a muse, I'd suggest classical music. Listen to the rhythms, then add words.

Or Metal, I get the same feel from both genres. Weird right?

Add me as a friend if you make an account on DA :D

Will do!

Nice poem, got anymore you can post up? They're pretty nice, and I could use them to help in my English. :D

Great job though, keep it up.

Sure, just click on my DA account, everything is there.

I like the second one you posted here more, seems a bit more smooth all the way through. Plus it tells a nice story and seems well written. I think you got talent just gotta get some more practice in, study about different types of poems, and experiment with them. By what I've read I am sure you could write a few more good solid poems.

Dude click on my DA :P I have written a few more. There's also another one that I put on Poetsanctuary that's not on DA that I will post later since I'm on my phone now.

Nightmare, I'm comfortable with the type and style of poetry I do now so I'll just keep up with that.

Thanks for the positive feedback guys.