The Leaves In The Meadows - Check Page 3

Matt77 said:

In most things I write I get into this annoying habit of adding in multiple characters that just ruin the story. I'll be sure to stop that with this story.

Characters are good, but over-kill never is. At least you know to avoid that.

If you feel there are too many characters just kill a few off every once in a while.

Or if you feel that your characters are starting to fall into archetypes (e.g., the jealous character, the mean character, the sweet character), try having less characters and develop the ones you have to be multi-dimensional. Unless you're specifically trying to have static characters.

Or you could M. Knight it and just mislead people.

I think I'm going to have 2 or 3 characters in the story.

Darkness. Just darkness. Pure darkness.

Apart from the light shining from the clock, of course.

I like the idea, very much just needs more thought, in my completely amateur opinion.

It needs more darkness. Make all the characters blind.

They can't all be because the women saw the moonlight.

I'll write the next part soon.

Or he goes blind from the woman!

Matt: Can't wait to see the next part.

Or not see it. Because of blindness.

When you craft a story, think of the plot first.

Then think of the character(s), define what they are like, their likes and dislikes.

Then see if you can establish a start and a definite end. It helps to draw a timeline, list important events. It really helps to figure out how long your story is going to be, words wise and how long it will take to write.

Find one person to give you feedback. Not only does it make your story better but it helps to keep you motivated to get another person involved.

Good luck man, I wrote quite a few short stories back in high school and I would love to do something similiar again but I don't really have the time.

BURNOUTFREAK said:

When you craft a story, think of the plot first.

Then think of the character(s), define what they are like, their likes and dislikes.

Then see if you can establish a start and a definite end. It helps to draw a timeline, list important events. It really helps to figure out how long your story is going to be, words wise and how long it will take to write.

Find one person to give you feedback. Not only does it make your story better but it helps to keep you motivated to get another person involved.

Good luck man, I wrote quite a few short stories back in high school and I would love to do something similiar again but I don't really have the time.

Great advice.

Thanks for the feedback guys! On Friday night (Australian time) I'll try to write & post the next part. I'd love to hear more feedback about the next part.

Can't wait man.

Matt: Great. Seeing that might even motivate me to write my second chapter. XD

« Last edited by Warrior13 on Aug 19th 2014 »

It might motivate me to write my videogame.

Darkness. All I see when I awake from my dream. Not any of the old dirt on the ceiling, not the grey silk curtains, not the creaky old table sitting by the window. Just darkness. Pure darkness. I roll over to check the time. 3:12AM. Ugh, not another one of these midnight awakenings. These have been occurring quite frequently lately, where I wake from my dream to find the time to be exactly 3:12 in the morning. I can never figure out why it happens to me, let alone why the time is always 3:12. I lie back down to try to return to my dream, but like always, I can't. I just lie there until sunrise, thinking about everything. About the lies, the darkness, the others.

I decide to stand. I walk along to the table, touching the walls to guide me through the dark. Slowly stepping along, I find the table. Sitting here always brings me peace; I've never understood why. While I sit, I feel the cool breeze flow through the small window. I stand once again, this time walking over to the window. I peer out into the street. Not a single speck of light to be seen other than the moonlight. I slowly stroll back to bed. When I turn to look at the clock, it says 3:12. Of course, my only way to tell the time during this darkness is gone. I collapse on top of the hard mattress and try to sleep. Try to re-visit my dreams; of hope.

Second Part: (I decided to post it early)

When I wake up the small amount of light from the clock shines in my eyes. It seems it is morning once again. As I walk over to the window, I can hear the violent fighting below in the streets. But when I look down onto the bleak street, I see a far worse sight. A young boy; probably about 8 or 9 is lying flat on the filthy road, dead. I cannot cope with this sight. I turn away, looking at the clock with the digits 3:12 and know what needs to be done. Those thugs will pay for their filthy crime!

Rushing down the apartment stairs, images rush through my head, of the poor child being beaten. My anger builds even higher for every step I take. I find it impossible to even process any other information. The old man singing his old jazz tunes; the little old lady stroking her cat. I rush out the door and pounce on the murderers. As I am throwing violent punches, a terrible thought comes to mind. I've forgot my knife! But that doesn't matter, all that matters is getting revenge on these men for what they've done. One of the men pulls vigorously on my hair. I scream out in agony, then throw another punch, which causes him to fall unconscious. I quickly stand and face the final man. But just I am about to swing a hard kick, I am tackled to the ground.

So, what do you think? I took a different approach to this section, removing a large portion of the 'darkness'. I'd love to hear your feedback, whether it be good or bad.

I can see your theme, but there are inconsistencies. Think about it this way, and correct me if I'm wrong. The persona that comes through is a disgruntled, semi-frustrated, informal and very colloquial tone. The words and the phrasing however come across as being more formal. Ipso facto, I think the tone/phrasing needs to be reworded to fit the theme.

I don't know, maybe I've read too much into it. That's what I got out of it anyway.

You've got a good start there, but follow Burns advice and make use of a bit of pre-planning to keep your story on direction.

Matt: That's really good. I do see where Avengein is coming from though. The theme was dark and a little depressing at first, but the second chapter shifted away from that. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but I personally would have liked the transition to be a little smoother. Like what Avengein said, a little rewording with tone and phrasing should help.

« Last edited by Warrior13 on Aug 20th 2014 »