Legend Of Zelda: Relam Of Ganondarf

Chatper 1: Ganon's Return


Early in the Kokiri Forest are hero Link awaits his journey.

This story begins in Hyrule Castle. Princess Zelda has received news from Darunia the leader of the Gorons that Ganondarf lives. This makes Princess Zelda wonder if Ganon lives they need to act fast before he contains his full-power. Princess Zelda sends Navi Links fairy to go send him a message saying "Link Ganondarf you must stop him before to reaches his full-power. Darunia says he was last seen at Gerudo Valley. Link you might want to get your old weapons back". Once navi reaches Link. Link decided that he is going to get his weapons and some new ones. Link then decides that he is going to go to Zora's Domain and pay King Zora a vistit. When Link reaches Zora's Domain he received new from news from Princess Ruto that her father has been swalled by Lord Jabu-Jabu. "Link you must rescue my father from Jabu-Jabu". "Relax Ruto I rescued you from Jabu-Jabu before im sheer I will beable to rescue him". "I hope you are right Link". Of course im right". So link then enters into Lord Jabu-Jabu's bully. "This place smells rotten fish" Link mutters. Link presses on.

As Link presses on through Jabu-Jabu Ganondarf is up to his old plans. A scout has reported to Ganondarf that Link is somewhere in Zora's doman. "Good now we can capture Pricess Zelda and I can obtain the Triforce". "Right boss see we set out for Hyrule?" "No orders Ganondarf I will capture Zelda myself". "You sheer Boss?" "What you saying I cant handle it?" "NO not at all boss". "Good you guys what here all be back in morning". Ganondarf then sets off to Hyrule Castle. "They gate is down" Ganon mutters "I just will have to break it. Once Ganondarf breaks down the Hyrulain gate you enters the market. "Their are to many people in this dang town Ganon shouts. Ganondarf presses on to the Hyrule Castle. "Now Zelda this is where you get yours".

So thats where we leave are story.

That was pretty good. Although it wasnt really interesting.

Okay I have 3 suggestions:
1. Example: "Link,you might want to get your old weapons back." said Link.(This would let us know that character was done talking.)

2.Use "quotion marks" on each end of the character`s diaologe.

3.Use more detial in the story.

Get these things working out and you will become a great writer.

It wasn't that good, I saw many spelling errors like "Sheer", also, you forgot to get rid of the " in some places. Some details of the places Link goes & how he got there would be nice. Overall, I think this story could be better.

Yeah. I was rather tired when I wrote it. I wrote it at 11:07 not that smartest choice. I will be back with chapter 2 later.

EDIT:Chapter 2: The King Jellyfish

Link is still in Lord Jabu-Jabu's belly. Link presses on through the until suddenly he finds Lord Zora. "Link dont its a trap" screamed Zora. As soon as Link entered the dungeon the door locked. "What the heck was that about?" asked Link. "It was Ganondarf he is behind this said Zora". "So Ganondarf is fully back?" asked Link "No he is still weak from your guys last battle we must act quick" said Zora. "Okay but how do we get out of here?" questioned Link. Zora told him "You must find and defeat the King Jellyfish he has the key out. Once you defeat come back for me and we will get out of here". Link noded. Link hacked down the sofest part of skin of Jab-Jabu he could find making a hole. Link cralwed throught the hole once out of the hole he pressed on more. Deep in Jabu-Jabu he found the King Jellyfish. Link shout two arrowrs but had no effect. The jellyfish spinned his tentacles at Link. Link mangeded to escape must of them but get stunned from the blow. AS link recovered he through his bommerang at the Jellyfish. The boomerang cut 3 tentacles off. The King wasnt out yet he through all 3 tentacles at Link shocking him. Link was taking out heavy damage so he knew what he had to do. Link drew his sword and cut the Jellyfish into two. The dungeon key poped out of King Jellyfish. Link went back to King Zora "Ahhhh Link you defeated the King Fellyfish" shouted Zora. "It was no big said Link. Link and Zora then left lord Jabu-Jabu's Belly.

You just to need to work on making them longer.

You have the same problems as me just about. Make them longer. When you are doing it on microsoft word [if that is where you do them first] make them at least two pages man. Also There is no emotion eg. When link got stunned there was no emotion. Also description if you put description the pages will come fast. Not many grammatical errors also not many spelling errors. If you put emotion and description your story will be at least a page longer. But chapter was more interesting than your last. So I should congratulate you for that. So yeah but you can do it.

Okay next time I will do it microsoft word.

I give it 3.5 out of 5

*Coughs* Darn man darn, I'm not rating this, I'd bee to harsh.

-Microsoft word is a must
-Paragrpahs are a must
-Spacing out after talking:
"Hey" said Joe
"Hey" replied Steve
-Length my friend, length
-More detail.

I hope I wasn't too rude.

You were being nice. Okay this could be better. You need to not space out paragraphs after talking,and the dailonge in this is pretty screwed up. I cant really tell who is talking. 2/5

Chapter 3: Missing Princess

As Link was rescuing King Zora from Jabu-Jabu a theft took place in Hyrule. You might recall ending Chapter 1 with Ganondorf in Hyrule, Thats where this chapter takes place.

As Ganondorf continues to find Princess Zelda he runs into a mishap with some guards. ?Ganondorf is back we must warn Hyrule one of the guards yelled. Ganondorf only made a smirk before drawing his sword. As soon as Ganondorf drew his sword the guards panicked. Ganondaorf didn't care he slowly slaughtered all the guards one by one untill they all died. After the slaughtering of the guards Ganonsdorf pressed on. Once Ganondorf reached the Hyrule Castle he realized his dream on capturing the triforce and taking over Hyrule was matter of seconds of way and the only person you could stand a chance of stopping him was trapped in some fishes belly. Ganondorf entered the castle guards where waiting for him. ?Its over Ganondorf Princess Zelda is safe you wont be able to find her? screamed the leader of the guards. Ganondorf let out a evil smirk sending the guards into utmost fear .Ganondorf yelled ?get out of my way or you to would be joining your friends over their? Ganondorf pointed to the dead body of guards that you killed earlier. The guards let out a shriek ?okay you can pass through? said the leader of the guards ?but we cant him capture the Princess? said a fellow guard ?So you rather try and stop him look over their the guard pointed to the other guards carcasses ?we can stop him you must be a moron if you think you can? replied the leader of the guards. Ganondorf couldn't handle their bickering anymore you just rode on through them. Ganondorf presses on his horse galloping faster and faster. Once he reached the end of the hallway their it was Princess Zelda?s room. Their it was right in front of his eyes Princess Zelda?s room he was only a matter of seconds of gaining the triforce. Ganondorf kicked open the door sending Princess Zelda into shock Princess Zelda quickly jerked her head to the door seeing what made the big boom. ?No I must be dreaming I cant be? said Zelda nervously. ?I'm here for the triforce hand it over demanded Ganondorf. ?I dont have it Link I gave it to Link? said Zelda hesitantly. ?You LIE? yelled Ganondorf. ?No I really did give it to him replied Zelda ?I gave it to him before he left for Zora?s Domian? answered Zelda. Ganondorf could tell that she was lying. ?Since your not going to tell me where the triforce is I'm going to have to take you with me smirked Ganondorf. ?I told you Link has it? replied Zelda. That wasn't enough to convince Ganondorf. Ganondorf through Princess Zelda on his shoulders and rode off to is Relam.


Okay that was Chapter 3 I hope is was a improvement.

That was a improvement.

I disagree Lost boy, Apphonx, please refer to my previous post.

X said I shouldnt space after talking. On the next chapter I will do that.

It was a typo on his part, but yeah I hope the next is better.

?I dont have it Link I gave it to Link? said Zelda. Doesnt make sense. I am going to be polite now ok. I have noticed every two days you are making a new chapter. You dont have to keep making them so quick try like one every week if you want. This gives you time to read over your chapter to see any errors. That must be the reason why they are so short. Space everything out. You dont have to have alot of paragraphs. Just at least two paragraphs.

Emotion
When Ganon killed the guards you put no emotion.

No description as well .

But this was an improvement. So Thumbs up.

I actually agree with you Aco, I missed that sentence.

Why thank you. So when will the next chappy be done Apphonx.

Chapter 4: The Secret to the Triforce

In are last Chapter Princess Zelda was kidnapped be the evil Ganondorf. We are going to pick this chapter off were we left you in the end of Chapter 2 were Link saved King Zora form Jabu-Jabu.

?Link I couldn't thank you enough for saving me from Jabu-Jabu? King Zora shouted.
?Your welcome King Zora? ?But was that you said about Ganondorf?? Link questioned.
?Ganondorf is back? exclaimed King Zora.
?I thought that was just a rumor? Link replied.
?I'm afraid not Link? You might want to go check up on Princess Zelda? But before you leave I have a gift for you Link? shouted King Zora with happiness.
Link then followed behind King Zora back to his Domain. Once Link and King Zora reached Zora?s Domian all the other Zora?s were happy to see their king back.
?Daddy Daddy your alive? shouted Princess Ruto with happiness.
? I missed you so much Ruto? cried King Zora.
King Zora and Princess Ruto both left to their royal room. Five minutes later King Zora came back and with something in his left hand.
?Link here you go its all yours? shouted King Zora with happiness.
?What is it? Link questioned.
?Its Nayru?s Love? replied King Zora. ?It will help with your quest? exclaimed King Zora.
Link humbly took Nayru?s Love from King Zora. Link said his good byes to all the Zora before heading to Hyrule.

After the long ride to Hyrule Link was exhausted from the journey. Link had something to eat and took a nap near the closest inn he could find. Once Link recovered from his rest to set off to Hyrule?s castle.

Sorry about the short chapter.