craig_m Posted: 19:54 Aug08 2006
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craig_m
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another jokes thread again cmon people keep this up and provide SC with laughter!
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"
"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"
"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Don't f*ck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"
"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"
"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Don't f*ck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."
robert9 Posted: 14:45 Aug09 2006
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robert9
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quality,absolute quality!!!I shared it with all my family and were laughing their socks off!10/10!!!heres one:
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"
[b][color=red]i love eloise speight![/b][i][/i]
CyberGamer Posted: 15:01 Aug10 2006
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Dont vampires sleep during the day?
The Second Summer of Love
The Second Summer of Love
Repner Posted: 18:29 Aug10 2006
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Repner
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where in the joke does it say its night time?
CyberGamer Posted: 22:35 Aug10 2006
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Robert 9 quote: A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
The Second Summer of Love
The Second Summer of Love
Gameboy_rulz Posted: 23:16 Aug10 2006
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Gameboy_rulz
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Heh, nice ones, heres a kindegerdon one.
Mrs. Flair was teaching her kindergarden class about the story of the three little pigs.
"When the three little pigs left home, they decided to build thier own homes", said Mrs. Flair, "The three Pigs went to the market and asked a man for supplies to build their homes. Jimmy, what do you think the man said?"
"Holy sh*t! a talking pig!"
Mrs. Flair was teaching her kindergarden class about the story of the three little pigs.
"When the three little pigs left home, they decided to build thier own homes", said Mrs. Flair, "The three Pigs went to the market and asked a man for supplies to build their homes. Jimmy, what do you think the man said?"
"Holy sh*t! a talking pig!"
Pwnt you have...
Add on Xbox live if your into Halo. Just say ur from supercheats, c ya there.
Add on Xbox live if your into Halo. Just say ur from supercheats, c ya there.
a blind kid Posted: 00:46 Aug12 2006
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a blind kid
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How do you make a dead baby float?
...
Take your foot off of its head.
...
Take your foot off of its head.
[center]
Signature made by me. Do not steal. Or else.
Fads are idiotic. Fads are idiotic. Fads are idiotic. Fads are idiotic. Fads are idiotic.
Signature made by me. Do not steal. Or else.
Fads are idiotic. Fads are idiotic. Fads are idiotic. Fads are idiotic. Fads are idiotic.
X360 Gamer93 Posted: 19:11 Aug12 2006
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^ Not too funny, but wierd.
One time, a little girl was watching her mother wash the dishes.
She saw a little white hair sticking out of her head from the others.
She asked, "Mommy, where did that little white hair come from?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time you make me cry or upset, I get a white hair."
The confused 5-year old then said, "Mommy? Why are ALL of grandma's hairs white? ? ?
« Last edited by X360 Gamer93 on Aug 12th 2006 »
One time, a little girl was watching her mother wash the dishes.
She saw a little white hair sticking out of her head from the others.
She asked, "Mommy, where did that little white hair come from?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time you make me cry or upset, I get a white hair."
The confused 5-year old then said, "Mommy? Why are ALL of grandma's hairs white? ? ?
« Last edited by X360 Gamer93 on Aug 12th 2006 »
"To those who claim they will die for their country...
What the %#($ is wrong with you!?
Make the enemy die for theirs!"
What the %#($ is wrong with you!?
Make the enemy die for theirs!"
Town Idiot25 Posted: 19:16 Aug12 2006
Post ID: 984970
Town Idiot25
DANG IT BOBBEH!
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The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.
After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
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A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.
After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
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A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
X360 Gamer93 Posted: 20:33 Aug12 2006
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You know they say that if you talk on a Cell Phone for a long time, it'll put microwaves in your head? Well one week I constantly talked on it. When I came home, I pooped a hot-pocket! -Larry The Cable Guy
« Last edited by X360 Gamer93 on Aug 12th 2006 »
« Last edited by X360 Gamer93 on Aug 12th 2006 »
"To those who claim they will die for their country...
What the %#($ is wrong with you!?
Make the enemy die for theirs!"
What the %#($ is wrong with you!?
Make the enemy die for theirs!"
superblobby Posted: 02:02 Aug13 2006
Post ID: 985531
superblobby
Please Don't Stop The Banter
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^^ Er yeah
Lol ive liked these jokes, hilarious.
Lol ive liked these jokes, hilarious.
England; time setters for the entire world.
the bummer 09 Posted: 03:43 Aug13 2006
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The top one about Uncle Bob isn't funny, and I don't get the bat one.
Proud owner of my new forum; GameAvenue.
Come and take a look at my new forum. I really need members, so if you can advertise somehow that would be really great. Please register and be as active as possible.
Come and take a look at my new forum. I really need members, so if you can advertise somehow that would be really great. Please register and be as active as possible.
X360 Gamer93 Posted: 14:37 Aug13 2006
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You know? I said the same thing when I heard it.
"To those who claim they will die for their country...
What the %#($ is wrong with you!?
Make the enemy die for theirs!"
What the %#($ is wrong with you!?
Make the enemy die for theirs!"
craig_m Posted: 15:15 Aug13 2006
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craig_m
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have you got a sence of humour? o_O the uncle bob one was hilarious
tmcaz Posted: 20:02 Aug13 2006
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yeah, that's what i thought, and it isn't to hard to get the bat one...he flew into the tree!
The Showstopper, The Heart Break Kid,
The Icon!
The Showstopper, The Heart Break Kid,
The Icon!
robert9 Posted: 12:09 Aug19 2006
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exactly,
the storyline is that a bat flys home from having its dinner.the other bats smell and want what hes had and he shows them a tree that he crashed into on the way back from having his dinner.i have to admit it isnt that funny BUT with a few adjustments and more words it turns out to be funny!all jokes are like it so if you dont find that funny not one bit then you are stupid,you have no sense of humour and your dull and boring!!!i have said all i have wanted to say.oh yeah more jokes please!!!
the storyline is that a bat flys home from having its dinner.the other bats smell and want what hes had and he shows them a tree that he crashed into on the way back from having his dinner.i have to admit it isnt that funny BUT with a few adjustments and more words it turns out to be funny!all jokes are like it so if you dont find that funny not one bit then you are stupid,you have no sense of humour and your dull and boring!!!i have said all i have wanted to say.oh yeah more jokes please!!!
[b][color=red]i love eloise speight![/b][i][/i]
Repner Posted: 00:06 Aug20 2006
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aha. i didnt understand that bat one at first. now i get it. its funny
the bummer 09 Posted: 00:35 Aug20 2006
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Oh I see...it's kinda funny. But the uncle Bob one, unless I dont get the joke..I'm not laughing.
Okay, here's a classic:
One day, there were three nuns. While at church, the priest told them "You've been so good all of your lives by never committing a sin. So on this special occasion, I'll let you all Sin once but you all have to promise you wont sin again"
The Nuns agreed and nun 1 went and killed someone. The priest said to nun 1, okay you've had your fair share, never sin again and go drink some holy water. The Nun drank.
Nun 2 went and stabbed someone and she returned to the priest. The priest said to nun 2, okay you've had your fair share of sinning, never sin again and go drink some holy water. The Nun drank up.
And finally nun 3. Nun 3 had already committed her sin before all the others nuns. The priest said "So, what sin did you come up with?" The nun replyed "I did a pee in the holy water".
Funny huh. lol
« Last edited by the bummer 09 on Aug 20th 2006 »
Okay, here's a classic:
One day, there were three nuns. While at church, the priest told them "You've been so good all of your lives by never committing a sin. So on this special occasion, I'll let you all Sin once but you all have to promise you wont sin again"
The Nuns agreed and nun 1 went and killed someone. The priest said to nun 1, okay you've had your fair share, never sin again and go drink some holy water. The Nun drank.
Nun 2 went and stabbed someone and she returned to the priest. The priest said to nun 2, okay you've had your fair share of sinning, never sin again and go drink some holy water. The Nun drank up.
And finally nun 3. Nun 3 had already committed her sin before all the others nuns. The priest said "So, what sin did you come up with?" The nun replyed "I did a pee in the holy water".
Funny huh. lol
« Last edited by the bummer 09 on Aug 20th 2006 »
Proud owner of my new forum; GameAvenue.
Come and take a look at my new forum. I really need members, so if you can advertise somehow that would be really great. Please register and be as active as possible.
Come and take a look at my new forum. I really need members, so if you can advertise somehow that would be really great. Please register and be as active as possible.
craig_m Posted: 00:36 Aug20 2006
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seriously you must not get the joke it's hilarious read it a couple of times
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