The Legacy of Sky (Revised Fiction)

Sorry, but Chapter 4 is in another castle.

« Last edited by imaloony8.0 on May 22nd 2015 »

wow, Night Wave owns Blade in less than 30 seconds. The fight is good, and the most suprising thing is that Devin's back. Also, "She still breathed, but only barley. Night Wave stomped on Sky?s leg with incredible force."

its not spelled barley, its spelled barely.

other than that, kudos.

Correction, night Wave owns Blade in less than 30 seconds on two seperate occasions. But that was kinda the point, to show how much more *** Night Wave kicked than Sky and Blade.

Well, if I didn't bring him back, that whole scene from the last chapter was pretty pointless, don't you think?

Also, I've already started writing chapter 5. I know, shocking, I'm doing work more quickly.

indeed, you do have a point about Night Wave. Anyhow, I still find myself rereading the fight again, always good every time.

That was actually a pretty good chapter. You're quite good at the combat scenes, Loony. I think sometimes the dialogue could use a bit of work; can't quite put my finger on it, but sometimes the conversation seems forced.

In any case, good chapter. In my personal opinion, it did flow a little better without the pre- and post-chapter character discussions. But that's just me, of course.

Alright, just a few things I have to clear up before I begin the chapter.

First off, the pre-chapter thing. I originally wasn't going to put it in after reading Oginig's post, as I agreed with what he said about the chapter's flow, but I'd already written it, so I figured I'd throw the discussion in for the hell of it. Enjoy it, because it might be the last you see of it.

Next, the chapter's content. Now, I know I seem to be shoving a bunch of new plot points into your face for this chapter, but they're things I really needed to explain one way or another, and this seemed to be the best way to do it. I know it seems like a mouthful, but try and bear with me.

With that said, enjoy the chapter!

No Chapter 5 here, keep lookin' bro.

« Last edited by imaloony8.0 on May 22nd 2015 »

whoa, how comedical of the Briggs' pervy mind. the ending gave a great mystery and suspense. kudos for that. Also, I'll point out that for Briggs talking about Night Wave and such. I speculate in the next chapter, Sky would find out that **** **** ** ***.


-Edited and Censored at Loonster's request-

« Last edited by SUPERMAN5 on Nov 1st 2009 »

God damnit, Stop with the SPOILERS! I have a couple new readers >.> Edit teh post plz!

I'm glad you liked it!

On 31-Oct-2009 imaloony8.0 said:

God damnit, Stop with the SPOILERS! I have a couple new readers >.> Edit teh post plz!

I'm glad you liked it!

well....I'll just censor a couple of things...

EDIT: Spoiler removed.

Anyways, nice chapter, although I don't really have much else to say. I feel weird commenting on the plot of a story that I know has, for all intents and purposes, been written once before. But I'll say that Briggs seems like an interesting character. And legendary swords are always fun, although I must confess that I think the concept of a villain who can only be defeated by a certain sword has become somewhat cliche to me. But hopefully it turns out well.

Keep it up.

« Last edited by Oginig on Nov 2nd 2009 »

...
I could've sword I'd edited that out.

Thanks though, cliches are sometimes the most fun to write. :D

Edited the accidental spoiler from my post, then. Your mistake just ruined the plot for me, loony. ;)

O gawd. Now I'm going to go into a spiraling depression ending with me in a vegetable like state.

...until Assassin's Creed 2 comes out.

On topic, I've started the chapt,er but this one may take a while, so don't hold your breath.

I remember back in my day when Chapter 6 existed. Those were the days.

« Last edited by imaloony8.0 on May 22nd 2015 »

Click on the spoiler to see my comments.

Spoiler:

Also, have you been formally introduced to ObnoxiousJaffa? :P I noticed a handful of mistakes. The following is a list of those mistakes, as well as my recommended corrections. Click on the next spoiler to see it.

Spoiler:

All in all, well done.

« Last edited by Oginig on Jan 21st 2010 »

And I though I was a grammar Nazi >.>

Generally, I think I like commas a little too much. That, and I've been out of English class for too damn long. As for the quotes that end in periods when they should end in commas and be finished after the quote, please reffer to the last sentance. I haven't taken an English class in a year and a half, and I'm puzzled why I haven't. Still, thanks for the comments, they're quite helpful.

Blade's Four Sword style was, obviously, me trying to find a way to surpass One Piece's Zoro and his Three Sword style. So, while I was pondering how one would use four swords effectively in combat, I figured "Hey, why would he need to hold on to all of them at once?" I was very pleased with the outcome. I planned for his swords to be massive Cloud-Swords at first, but then I realized that that would be just a tad too obnoxious. Now his swords are all roughly the size of ******* swords.
Devin's fighting style will prove to be quite interesting as well.
What sucks is that I'm trying to make my characters have these really interesting fighting styles that I want to make as original as possible, but a character I plan to introduce later into this saga as one of the last introduced character has a pretty boring style so far. I'll work on that and see what comes out of it.

« Last edited by imaloony8.0 on Jan 21st 2010 »

I'm a grammar nazi only when it comes to other people's works. :P When I'm writing, I make mistakes and typos like crazy, and then rely on other grammar nazis to point them out to me. ;) If you want me to stop pointing out those kinds of mistakes, I will. Up to you.

At any rate, I'm not very familiar with One Piece. But I don't need to be. The idea of juggling swords while slashing people to death with them is pretty self-explanatory, and pretty friggin' awesome.

This is where Chapter 7 was. I'd make another joke, but this is actually getting mildly depressing.

« Last edited by imaloony8.0 on May 22nd 2015 »

It's late and the chapters massive, but inb4 "Will the next chapter also take this long!? "