The Dream

Forgot about this little thing. WARNING: This contains profanity, violnce, gore, bad words, nudity, sexual stuff, and all that other good stuff.
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Hey so this is my own original fiction, an introduction to what i guess will be my own short story. Enjoy~!

I awake to the sound of yelling, someone is calling out to someone else.
"#######" somebody calls faintly from below.
I awake first at slowly still drowsy but my eyes seem to be playing tricks on me for this is not my room . My eyes now wide as i sit up quickly and look about my eyes play no tricks . leaping out of bed once again to hear someone calling a name. Who? I know no one named that ; this time louder, closer.
"#######" a man calls from somewhere nearby.
The door opens and a young man enters, I look at him and he looks at me. "######" he says that name again but all I do is stare at him imploringly. He approaches me, his face now worried, and puts his hand on my shoulder. "#######, are you alright?"
With a jolt i realize he is talking to me but that is not my name I open my mouth but close it quickly for out of the corners of my eyes i see another man in the room. i turn my head to look at him, so does he, my face becomes quizical, so does his. No... no that is not me, i am not so tall my hair is blonde . The man in the mirror stands tall with long black hair and brown eyes. He is older than me, not much, only by a few years.
"########, are you okay? Why aren't you answering me?" The young man asks again this time with a face mixed with worry and fear.
"Y-yes... I am alright." I stutter out a few words and after a few seconds manage a smile, "sorry just got distracted with my own thoughts, I am fine." My smile stays and I present myself better by standing up a little straighter and looking into the young man's eyes. Why did I say that, I am not fine .
"... Well if you say so. Come down stairs, I will be waiting for you and be quick." He turns and walks out of the doorway but stops, turning back to face me, "And don't worry me like that, little brother." Smiling he turns away and heads off.
Little brother... what is this? I look around the room once more only this time more closely. Noticing how everything is old. Everything is simple from the past. Wooden furniture and mattresses stuffed with straw; all look like things of the past.
"#######, hurry up!" Different, a deeper voiced man yells from below.
Startled I look into the mirror I am clad in wierd clothing as well Why do i realize and see this now? with haste I open the drawer of what looks to be a dresser. Filled with odd old clothing. I do my best to dress my self but mess up a few times before getting it right. Taking one last look at the young man in the mirror before me, before heading out the door and towards a set of stairs not far down a hallway, compelled by curiousity and fear.
That is not my name .
No but soon i would consider it to be mine.


« Last edited by nightmare2 on Feb 8th 2012 »

Well here is part 2, I had hoped to have gotten some sort of comment guess not. been busy so took awhile for me to get this done but here it is.


The stairs are wooden and old looking, at the bottom the area opens up I see the young man who called me brother next to him is an older man. They notice me, the older one seems annoyed, he motions at me to come forward. I realize I had stopped so I start forward and walk next to the two of them.

?You sure took your time, didn?t you?? His voice confirmed his annoyance at me, he turns and walks away. The younger man follows, so do I, the room appears to be a dining room but it?s age is showing. The older man is quiet until we enter what looks like a kitchen where he turns and addresses a woman. ?We are leaving now, give him some bread, we will be back sometime tonight.?
?Be safe.? She walks off to a counter and picks up a loaf of bread then returns and gives it to me; she has a faint sad smile as she looks at me and the young man. She quickly hugs both of us and turns away, I follow the older man outside.

Directly in front of us is a carriage and behind that, fields of grass, I glance back at a glimpse at a small stone house that looks to be falling apart. The roof thatched in numerous places, the wood old and rundown, stones missing, and a many broken windows. Entering the carriage I see how isolated it is, a long dirt road seems to wind through fields upon fields of just grass in both directions. I sat in the back with the young man while the carriage was driven by the older one. We ride in silence for a few hours until a small village appears, the younger one perks up. He begins looking about, scouting, the older man speeds up the carriage. And I could see why, the village was up in flames.

?They were here, which means they should be heading south now to Rome.? He was standing up with a land over his eyes viewing the land to what I assumed was the south. ?Father, drop me and ##### off in the village, leave the carriage. Take one of the horses and go after them, we will follow after checking out the village.? The father my father? No but the young man claims me to be his brother nods his head and stops the carriage; he hops off and unties the horse mounting one and immediately taking off towards the south. My older brother leads the other up to the village and ties it down then heads in. Silence. Nothing is heard, it is unsettling and we both realize that there are no survivors. Nevertheless he begins exploring, looking through the ashes.


« Last edited by nightmare2 on Jan 27th 2012 »

I think you have the start of something here.

I understand SC formatting on things copied of MS-word is a bit weird these days so I won't really comment on anything like that. Except that I'm not sure why you are using colours to depict people speaking? Doesn't really seem necessary to me. If it's so that we can tell who is talking while not giving anyone names, this is easier done with something like "my father said" or "my brother said". Giving them distinctive features is also an option e.g. when introducing someone, describing a scar on their face and then referring to them when they talk as "bla bla" said the man with the scar and variations on that.

Is the "#####" meant to hide a name that's being said? Or is it in some sort of foreign language that he can't understand? Either way, it would probably be better to just simply have the narrator explain that they are calling him by a name but he has no idea what that name is or what it means instead of constantly referring to him as "#####".

Yeah the coloring thing was for that, and it made it look nice and pretty, but it is easier to just label each character as they are speaking. As for the "#" thing yes it is to hide the main character's name. Decided not to reveal his name till later, later being quite soon now. Alright here is the next part. Tried my best to fix the stuff caused by Word

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We continued looking through the burned down village for another hour or so, picking up anything that could be of use. I just followed what my supposed older brother thought was of interest. Mainly food, what looked to be coins of some sort, and weapons mostly being daggers and arrows. Small, concealable, and light ones after packing a good amount of these sorts of items onto a carriage my brother went back to the other horse and harnessed it onto the carriage and whispered into its ear. The horse turned away and started up a small trot out of the village and from what I could remember back the way we had come from.

My brother looks up at me and heads to the entrance to survey the land. "It should get there soon without any problems so we don't need to worry about that, on the other hand we need to get a move on and follow Father. Without a horse this will be hard there is another village about 30 miles south so..." He doesn?t finish his sentence instead he motions for me to follow; we begin our journey at a steady but fast paced jog. I was surprised at how easy it was, I was fit is it me or is it someone else? We continued the pace until the sun was high above us, midday, when we slowed down to a stop. My brother pulled from his small pack some bread and water, we ate in relative silence before starting up again this time at a slower pace. After some time he slowed again and looked to the sky, "Judging from the sun we have been running for 2 and a half hours and from our pace I would say we have a few miles to go. The next village is larger much better armed and guard so hopefully we will find it still there if not then atleast still fighting."

"Fighting who?" I asked the question that had been bugging me for quite some time, especially after my brother's comment about "them" heading for Rome. From what I knew we were in Italy, which bugged me somewhat as I didn't speak Italian but could understand and talk to everyone so well as if speaking English. At my question my brother had turned to look at me and had the same worried face he wore this morning. "What is wrong?"

"What is wrong? Don't you remember? Are you sick?" He walks over and puts his hand to my forehead but realizing I do not have a fever takes it off. "No fever? Playing a joke then? Well come on let's get moving." He turns back and resumes his jog but not before I saw the fear on his face. Deciding to ask later I follow once again.

I heard the fighting long before I even saw the smoke, screams of terror and loud explosions easily travelled through the open grassland, at first faint but slowly they got louder as we got closer. We sped up to run when we saw the black smoke and soon the entire village was in our view. It was engulfed in flames, the walls were broken in many places and at those places hordes of figures cloaked in armor stood forcing their way through with relative ease. My brother takes off the longbow from his back, stops, and looks around at the entire battlefield seeming to take everything in. he pulls out an arrow and notches it onto his bow then begins closing the distance between himself and a group directly in front of us. We were unnoticed, the enemy was to intent on getting into the village, and they didn?t seem to care about looking behind them.

My brother crouched and drew his bow, aimed and let fly his arrow. Seconds later a man in the far back straightened and fell backwards, completely unnoticed by his allies. My brother had already let loose two more arrows by the time he hit the ground, taking down two more enemies but the numbers didn't seem to change. On the other hand they still hadn't noticed him and he was successfully picking them off one by one. Sadly it didn't last forever eventually a man looked back, for reason unknown, and upon seeing so many of his allies dead on the ground he cried out in alarm. With his cry came the turns of heads and within moments we were spotted and they came charging at us. Luckily we still had the advantage, distance, and as I drew my longbow I found I too could shoot it just as well as my brother. We picked them off with ease and I figured out what my brother's plan was in taking on a massive army with only two people, confusion.

They become easy pickings for they assumed that we were not the only archers and large groups of their forces all around the village stopped trying to enter the village and began running away from it trying to find other hidden archers. My brother stood up and motioned for me to follow, we ran straight into the enemies charging us shooting many down with ease so soon there were none left charging us. Nothing but a straight away through the broken wall and into the village and my brother?s timing for this couldn't have been better. The enemy figured out that we were the only archer's and began to circle back around towards us, any later and we wouldn?t have been able to enter the village. We would have run out of arrows or eventually be overrun if that had happened.

Inside the village it was much different everywhere people were fighting, there was no organization. Luckily for us the enemy was easily distinguishable from anyone else so we weren't attack but everyone we met. We ran through many alleyways until my brother found and entered a house checking if it was clear while I guarded from the outside. He came back out after a few minutes and beckoned me in then barricaded the door behind us.

"Good, it has been awhile since I was last here but I was able to find it well enough. There is a small weapon store underneath so we will restock on arrows, get some light armor, you should get yourself a sword, while I find some knives of some sort." He bent down and lifted up a carpet underneath was a small hatch, which he opened, leading down were a few steps of stairs. He lead the way lighting a nearby lantern for light, a few steps and we were in a small room with a few shelves of weapons and equipment. I followed his directions restocking on arrows and finding some armor that fit me, all the while thinking to myself on what had just happened.

It was so easy, all this time I have thought it would be hard but it is surprisingly easy. Shouldn't it be hard ending another's life but it came to me so easily, like second nature. Who am I?

We left the weapon store and headed to the attic both fitted with some light armor, not a lot though only enough to protect our vital points. I was armed with a long sword at my side while at my back was a longbow and plenty of arrows. My brother was similarly armed except he had a dozen or so throwing knives around his belt along with two daggers. At his side was a long sword of his own, the hilt and sheath were golden each had something inscribed in them that I couldn?t quite make out. Finally at the end of the attic we arrived at a window that upon being opened revealed a small ledge that my brother climbed onto and holding out his hand he helped me up. We were on the roof of the house and from it we could travel to the roofs of many other houses by bridges built between them, we could also seem a majority of the battle and it wasn?t a pretty sight.


« Last edited by nightmare2 on Feb 4th 2012 »

Looks like a rather interesting tale. I'm wondering whether this is set during the Punic Wars or maybe during the Sacking of Rome by the Germanic tribes. Can't wait to see more.

Wow that last part was longer than I expected. Nice to know someone else is reading this Pengy. Now sadly this is not very accurate history wise, it has a general area of when it was placed and there will be some similarities but it is entirely fiction. Will have to do some research later on in the story. Will edit this post with next part, should have it done by tonight.
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As far as I could see there was nothing but bloodshed and destruction, fires were scattered around and quickly spreading beginning to engulf the entirety of the town itself. Where the fires had yet to engulf were either full of dead bodies or full of living being slaughtered by the overwhelming strength of the unknown enemy. Looking upon my brother?s face I knew that he could see defeat, he knew how this would end the difference between my conclusion and his was that he was more knowledgeable on what he saw. He took in everything and drew a conclusion that was far superior to mine but even with that his face didn?t show any sign of giving up; no it was full of concentration, calculations. I knew little of the world I was now in little of my family, my brother but just from this I learned so much about the man my brother was.
He steps back and approaches me, "Little brother your face shows that you too see defeat but unlike usually it is different. Maybe you have forgotten, maybe you weren?t joking." He spoke softly but even over the noise of the battle I could easily hear him. "Well if that is true then I will teach you all that you forgot, hopefully it will jog that memory of yours. We both see defeat but I see plenty of ways to make this defeat seem not so bad. We hold a vantage point on the roof here and even with only two of us we can strengthen our odds and save many lives."

He draws his sword and points off into the battlefield, he points at a group of men barely holding off the enemy. He points to my bow so I ready it and drawn an arrow aiming towards the farthest foe from the group. I let go and watch the man fall to his knees then I load another arrow and take another man down. My brother has taken out his bow and does the same. The group now holds the advantage as the enemy is afraid unable to see the two archers that took down their allies.

"Five soldiers will now join up with their allies somewhere else. We continue helping out from where we are and this battle will not be entirely lost. The fires are spreading we are on a time limit, to the west is our only way out. Do not be a hero, continue moving to the west and help out as much you can. Stay on the roofs. I will rally whatever soldiers there are left to the west and we will retreat, be there."

Before I could say anything he jumps off the roof and disappears. I do the smartest thing possible, follow his orders. Staying on the rooftops I head to the western part of the village helping out groups of soldiers on the way, it was slow going and the fire was spreading fast. But I finally made it there where no enemy was to be seen. It was open, near the wall were soldiers slowly filing out a small hole in the wall. There were a lot nothing compared to the enemy force but more than I expected survived. Jumping down from the roof I was on a few soldiers seemed to notice me and the bow I had. By their reactions many I had saved, they came over to thank me and heard me to the hole they even let me leave before them. On the outside they were grouped up more, relaxed. Some were being tended others just resting but many sat with empty looks on their faces. I sat by myself knowing no one being separated from the rest. Time went by fast soon all the soldiers were out and they began closing the hole the last one out before it was shut was my brother.

From where I was I could see he was busy, immediately he was crowded by other soldiers. I waited where I was, eventually he spotted me and came over accompanied by his father. My father too I guess. Both looked weary.

"Well you survived son... well done. More importantly we need to move the soldiers and clear this area. Won't be long before they make it out hopefully that fire and those traps of yours will slow them down." Upon mentioning the traps he looks over at my brother with pride, he pats him on the back and walks off getting the soldiers moving.

"Hopefully they will all burn..." He sits down and is silent for awhile before looking me directly in the eyes, "What you said, was it true do you not remember?"

"It was, this morning I awoke and I cannot remember anything. Everything is unfamiliar." That was part true I remembered many things just nothing that matched with this.

"So be it, I will find a way to get your memories back. Should start with the important things first after we get out of here of course." Standing up he holds out his hand to me and I take it, he pulls me up and smiles broadly at me. "No matter what we are still brothers."
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Well there you are, next part will be short and will arrive soon.

« Last edited by nightmare2 on Feb 7th 2012 »

Sounds very dramatic. This has a kind of mystical quality to it and a bit of an identity crisis mixed in. I am a bit confused by the nameless tidbit, but I don't really mind it that much.

Mystical? Well that's pretty nice, not really able to judge my own writing. Also nice to see you still reading. As for the nameless thing I would assume you are talking about the main character in which he isn't nameless. Well now he isn't, he was but no longer.
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There was nothing I could say to that, I was speechless. This brother of mine was truly something in the short period of time I had known him he truly did feel like a brother. Maybe this new life of mine wasn't so bad after all. Sadly though at that moment a loud splintering noise force both of us to turn back to the blocked up wall. My brother's face darkened and immediately he turned and started shouting orders to retreat. Most of the wounded had already been cleared out those that were left were able enough to move on their own. A second splintering crack and he arms his bow, some of the most able soldiers get ready to protect those retreating. They form a small half circle of about twenty total, nothing compared to the force that would be coming at them in a few seconds. Among them is our father who stands at the center the defensive line with only a sword. I too draw my bow and ready an arrow for the first man to come charging through.

Whatever they were using to smash their way through finally did it with an almighty crash the wall and all that blocked it was smashed out of the way. The first two men dropped dead before even stepping a foot outside but it was nothing as a horde quickly overcame them before their bodies hit the ground. Our line was smashed and the one sided massacre began. There was no hope for the soldiers that stepped forward, they all knew that but they still stayed behind and gave their lives for those that retreated. An act of valor that I would never forget something that would be burned in my mind until the day I died. My brother and I were different though we had distance to our advantage and even more we had mobility. Out of all the soldiers present we were the only ones that would be able to escape; we didn't have any heavy armor just a few pieces of metal here and there.
The twenty some soldiers quickly became one, one who was cutting down all that met him in battle. He wouldn't last he was injured and with a jolt I realized I knew who he was. My brother takes from his belt a small pouch and fires the next arrow with it attached. I didn?t see what he did exactly but it exploded and spread smoke everywhere. One moment he was right next to me the next he was gone in the smoke and then back out again half carrying the last soldier. When he reaches me he gives me some pouches,

"Keeping firing those as we retreat, cover it!" He speeds up and heads for the tree line off in the distance some hundred yards. The smoke from the first pouch was still thick and lasting, I had four more. I run over and take the other arm of the soldier and for a few yards we both carrying him together before I let go and release another smoke arrow. I help carry again this time we get a hundred or so yards before I need to release another.

We make it to the tree line with one smoke pouch to spare and the enemy was far off in the distance. We continue on until we are a bit deeper then we put the soldier down and let him rest against a tree. My brother kneels next to him barely able to hold back his own tears.

"Leonardo Xavier Czeres, you shouldn't cry you're a man and you need to be strong, my son. You must never show weakness..." He begins coughing, it takes him awhile to get a hold of himself, "I am proud of you my son you are a great leader. So young yet already you are in such high a position." His eyes rest on my brother for awhile before turning towards me. "Lorenzo Raphael Czeres you too have great things waiting for you, just like always stay by your brother's side you two will be famous long after you die... tell your mother I am sorry I couldn't keep my promise, good-bye my sons." His breathing slows to a stop and I watch as the life leaves his eyes. I try to hold back my tears but I can't, my brother closes his eyes and put his hands on his chest.

Dead, I hadn't even known him yet he called me son.

I really do love that character name. Very creative, highly original, yet also bland in that someone from Italy could have been named that back in the time after the Roman Empire, when the Roman Catholic Church basically dominated Italy as a whole. Great emotion there, the sentimentality really works in your favor. The last words bit is pretty good too. All in all, a good update to the story.

« Last edited by penguinlord352 on Feb 9th 2012 »

Nice that you are enjoying it so far. Here is the next part.
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Time passed faster than I realized one moment we were walking away from our father?s body the next talking to the remains of the soldiers and the next I was stepping out of a carriage and walking towards our home. At the door we stopped unable to proceed, once we opened that door we knew what would happen. The pain would be renewed once again, something that seemed unbearable. Nevertheless my brother grasped the handle and opened the door slowly and deliberately; he entered and I followed. It was quiet inside. My brother continued on and I followed him without really noticing where we were going, not really seeing anything, until we came upon two woman. Recognizing one as the same who hugged me and gave me some food before we first left... my mother then? The other I didn't recognize, neither does my brother.

"Mother..." My brother looks down at his feet and seems to be fighting with himself to speak to her and tell her what has happened. She realizes and stares at him wide eyed, tears already welling up.

"He's dead isn?t he?" Both of us nod and she collapses. She kneels on the ground crying, the other woman gets down and holds her speaking to her in whispers with a reassuring voice. Slowly she calms down, "What happened? Where is his body?"

We both sit down and tell her what happened she sat and listened to everything without interrupting once. Once we were finished we just sat there in silence the pain was deafening, unavoidable. The other woman brought us tea and food; our mother didn't touch anything just sat in her chair staring out a nearby window. My brother and I just drank our tea and let the pain wash over us. After some time I my brother got up and left. Later he came back and with my help we got our mother up to her bed to rest. We brought me outside and we sat under the a nearby trees and just watched the stars.

"She should be fine after a while... no need to worry. We will stay for another few days but there is work to be done. There is little time for us to be overcome by our sorrow."

"Brother-"

"You heard father. You heard my name and yours. Call me Leonardo; it is my name after all. No you always called me Leo so just call me that, Lorenzo."

"Leo..." Calling him that felt strangely normal; odd as I wasn't really his brother was I?

No, I am his brother now.

"Leo, where are we going and what will we be doing?"

"That's right... lost your memories. Well we will be heading to Headquarters and we will be fighting this war. I have a duty to protect my home, so do you, and I will not let 'them' take anything else from me. I will lead my army against 'them' and defeat them, drive them out of our lands and protect my home. You too have the chance, just remember Father's last words, stay by my side Lorenzo."

I really didn't understand anything that was going on but I had finally accepted what was happening. We sat under that tree for a long time just looking at the stars, each lost in our own thoughts.

............Perfect way to end the beginning of a story. If this were a book, that would probably make a perfect end to the prologue. The next post, I assume, will likely be the start of a journey and an explanation of the facts of Lorenzo's world. I look forward to learning more about it. The mother's depression, while very sad, was portrayed excellently in a way most people don't assosciate with the loss of a loved one. I applaud that usage. Not that it exists, but your literary skill in recognizing and utilizing that tool.

I don't think I can produce any commentary that would come on par to what pengy has said, so I'll believe that the better half has been done by him. Anyway, this story is beginning to look like an epic epic, night. I could clearly see an advancement in your writing from the first chapter to the newest. The descriptions are crisp and clear, not too draggy. The writing is fluent, and the details kept simple. But I believe it will be a long time until the whole truth of Lorenzo's true identity is brought to light. I hope you can get there. I'd love to read it. And also, I applaud you for doing research on your story, it's something I've never been able to do with mine, maybe I'm just too lazy for it. It shows your dedication and the effort you've put into the words. I can't imagine myself opening Wikipedia and reading through the massive wall of text and all... did you do just that?

Thanks Pengy, as a matter of fact I was thinking that would be the first actual chapter of the story but from what you said and what the next part is gonna be, it makes sense for that to be then end of the prologue. Also 1:2 thanks to see you too are readng this. I didn't know I was improving that much. And yes it will be some time before the whole truth of lorenzo is fully revealed, will slowly build off what is known currently. Also no I did not go and read a whole wall of text from Wikipedia. Just been researching smaller things on the interent and am going to Library to get some of the main stuff done.
Next part should be up by tonight, will edit post then.

You're very welcome Night. I was rather hoping you'd drag out the revealing of information on Lorenzo's real identity and the world around him. Just revealing something dramatically could take up as much space as your other posts, if you throw in some denial or maybe a slow piecing together of facts that suddenly make sense. I look forward to seeing your mysterious jigsaw puzzle coming together.

Alright I lied since Pengy posted I may as well just make a new post myself instead of edit my old one.
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The next few days were days of relaxation for the most part and occasionally helping our mother if needed. We figured out that the woman with her was going to be joining us on our trip to HQ, which surprised me as I assumed woman weren't allowed to be soldiers. Leo didn?t teach me much of anything besides going over what I could already do, such as fighting with swords and bows. Just a review which greatly helped as fighting on instinct and familiarity of weapons alone sounded dangerous. He also covered survival skills, tracking, and many other things that came to me very easily. After a week Leo decided we should head out. Early the next morning we were all packed and having said our farewells to Mother, we loaded up in a wagon and were off.

The woman kept to herself at the front of the wagon, Leo and I sat in the back. Leo pulled out a map and laid it out in front of us. "We are here, kinda in the middle of nowhere... Rome is to the south, and HQ is in Venice right now. Used to be in Florence but they moved it not too long ago, Venice was an easy hiding place. We are unsure exactly where our enemy comes from but they have a pretty large camp set up in Greece and our sources indicate they marched to there from Persia. Our best bet is they come from the Asias." He pulls out a larger map of Europe and Asia; on it he uses his finger to draw a circle around India. Or what should be India.

"They came from all the way over there? How did they get through all the other countries?"

Leo glanced up at me, probably wondering if he taught me any geography, "Well not necessarily, our sources indicate that they came by boat. Shipping large numbers of soldiers from here-" he points at India?s southern most point, "to here-" then draws a line up to Iran, though probably isn?t now. "So they didn't force their way through that much land, actually Persia and Greece were the greatest challenges they faced. Atleast before coming here."

"But there are thousands of them still. If Persia and Greece were both challenges then how can there still be so many?" Even asking that I knew the answer.

"Strength, their unimaginable strength. Even in small numbers they can be quite formidable. But in large numbers like we last saw, they become nearly unstoppable. Greece and Persia were challenges because they managed to slow down the armies. Persia often attacked using raids, quick attacks that were meant only to slow them down and destroy their food. Greece united together, something that rarely happens with them. They always fought utilizing everything they knew. The Athens and Spartans combined proved to be a great challenge."

Our discussion continued on until we reached Florence where we stopped and rested for the night. I had learned many things from my talk with Leo. Strategies used by the Greeks to effectively fight with the upper hand at all times, how the Persians fought psychologically by raiding as the enemy travelled, and mostly about the enemy themselves. They numbered in the hundred thousands, each soldier wore heavy armor and wielded heavy weapons such as axes, hammers, and maces. But reports indicated that another force was on its way, reinforcements, that were much more versatile. Italia was proving to be the hardest opponent they had so far faced then again Leo said that we had some pretty strong allies. He also mentioned that we worked for some kind of organization and that the enemy was part of one as well. He said both of us were like factions and that there were about eight total, each with their own goals.

In the morning we were off again this time Leo had the woman ride in the back with us apparently his horses were smart enough to find Venice on their own. She didn't seem particularly happy with that.

"Alright first things first, what is your name?" Leo asked her after a few minutes of silence. She didn?t seem to want to talk to us at all but Leo obviously didn't like her not talking, "I can ask or order to do so, soldier."

"Mary, sir." She spoke coldly and reluctantly, obviously she didn?t like us. I couldn?t figure out why, before we started this trip she acted warmer to us.

"Well Mary it is nice to meet you. And neither of us are against a woman fighting so unless you have another reason to hate us then could you please not be so cold? Teamwork is important, Centurio."

Leo surprised her by what he said and even though she tried to hide it we both noticed. Sighing she slowly looked up at us, "Sorry I just assumed so. How did you know I was a Centurio, sir?"

"No need to apologize, sadly that is still a problem. And I don't know what Mother told you but obviously she was either being humble or just clueless. Probably humble. But the two of us are pretty high up there. Lorenzo is a Tesserarius and I am a Tribunus Laticlavius. Good bragging rights there!" She stared at him open mouthed and looked very unbelieving after a few seconds. I couldn?t understand why exactly.

We spent most of the rest of the trip just talking; Mary became a whole lot more friendly towards us in that time. But as we entered Venice she had to go back to guide the horses. Leo looked up at me expectantly the instant she started driving the wagon.

"What? You want something?"

"Well no, I just figured you were going to ask me a question."

Upon mentioning that a question pops in to my head, "Thanks for reminding me, Leo. I assume you know that it is about the ranks then?"

"Knew it, probably should have just answered the question instead of wait for you to ask it. It's pretty complex though, there are many ranks but for basics we are in the Upper part of the Military. Very high up actually, in terms of general ranking atleast. Tell you later though because it would seem we are there." The wagon had stopped and both Leo and Mary were getting out, I followed of course. I hop down and turn towards them finding myself looking at a sewer entrance.
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Well there you are, just so you know the ranks are subject to change. Couldn't find a decent website for that will have to go to library tomorrow.

The whole scope of the story is expanding; I like it. And a hideout in the sewers sounds resistance-ish. And there are certainly lesser mistakes in your post. I'll keep reading.

I agree with 1:2. It's a good move to expand a little bit at a time like you have been. Also, I like the depth to which you've developed the world in which the story takes place. I tend to do that with all my writing, but yours is more like "developed as needed plus extra stuff" rare than a meticulous "think of every detail any world needs, even down to the stupidest laws of the smallest nation" that some go through. Those people usually over think the setting and forget the plot. You've managed to avoid all that entirely. I applaud this. Looking forward to more.

I'm slowly catching up on this. I do enjoy.

procratination is so hard not to do. I will hopefully get next chapter up by sunday, going to library tomorrow. interesting as they aren't a resisitence, reasoning for that be in next chapter. Thanks pengy, I try not to over explain things. And nice to know your reading Craizen.
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"Kinda seems like a rebel base. Why the sewers instead of a fort?"

Leo looks at Mary, satisfied that she is to far ahead to hear, he answers my question, "Well as far as fort goes that is just asking to be attacked. As we are right now our line of defense broke and they invaded Italia. Currently the main line has been pushed south, a few miles north of Rome. The enemy is free roaming our country." We enter the actual sewers themselves, a set of stairs awaits us some twenty feet away while a large set of doors are place ten feet away. They are wide open now. Leo nods in their direction and continues, "Venice is a very populated city and since the line fell sending citizens across the country has become dangerous and reckless. So instead we created a base here, our fort in underneath the entire city. When they come to attack we can switch places with the citizens."
We walk down the steps, they were wide and from what Leo just said they were meant for large groups. In event of an attack they could herd the citizens inside rather quickly and keep them safe until the battle ended. It was defended as well, large metal doors that locked in place from the inside. One right at the top and now as we reached the bottom there was a second. This one was also open and at both sides stood soldiers, sentries. Mary was first, she walked up and presented something. Leo and I stepped up next.

"Good evening, sir." The man on the right spoke and saluted Leo then looked over what Leo gave him. Two documents and two small emblems from the look of them. The man glanced up and straightened up, "Sir! You are cleared to go." Both of us pressed on, both men saluted us quite enthusiastically.

We now were walking down a long corridor at the end was another metal door, open, and a set of stairs. We proceeded down them and entered a large open space. Probably a hundred square feet, underneath the corridor we just travelled through. I was astounded that this was underneath the city. Must have taken ages to build. Lining the walls of the room were doors and at the other end were two large doors that stuck out. They were nicer looking. Posted at both sides were sentries, Leo waves his hand and we walk onward through the room that was crowded with soldiers. Either hurriedly walking from one door to another or just milling around and talking. We stuck out as neither of us were in uniforms, we had lost Mary as she had been in one. She seemed to know where she was going and was a rush to get there.

"Well first time I have been here in quite some time. Must say we did well, I mean look at all these people noticing us. Wait till we get to that door on the other side..." Leo was obviously referring to the double door opposite from us, we were walking straight at it and getting quite a bit of glances. Many soldiers were whispering to each other and pointing, probably making jokes. Many of which were probably forgotten when Leo walked up to one of the two sentries and handed him documents and his emblem. Both hurriedly opened up the doors and ushered us in, it seemed to get a little quieter in the room now behind us.

"I assume this is for important people then?"

"Yep, more specifically very important people. Upper rank of the army and navy; I only just got rank to be admitted here and you?re here with me. Not that big but very comfy. Then again most people stay here longer, just receiving reports and constantly commanding. Few soldiers besides the Upper ranks stay within this fort for longer than a week." I follow him down a hall to a door, where he knocks.

"Enter." A deep voice answers.

Leo opens the doors and we both enter a small lavish office, in the center is a large desk littered with papers. Behind it sits a broad man in his middle ages with short black hair and deep black eyes. He looks up at us and smiles waving at two chairs in front of the desk. We sit and wait. He goes back to writing something, he finishes it quickly and looks back at us.

"Sir, I have two documents for you, one from Rome. The other from Milan. The one from Rome is just an update. The one from Milan however seems more pressing." Leo takes out both documents and hands them over to the man. "Milan was attacked twice in the last month both times the enemy seemed to know their formations and exactly how to counter it. They raided the city the first time, the second they nearly razed it entirely. Belief is there is a traitor or the enemy has sneaked in a few spies."

"They couldn't have just figured the formations out and how to beat it?"

"Possibly for the first time, but second attack they used a new formation and archers."

"Hmm... best to assume the worst. They seem to be in little state to look for a traitor though. Reinforcements will be sent. As for the other report, the line was moved up about five miles. Not very interesting, got food shipments coming by sea." The man's brow furrows as he reads the document, "This...."

"Yes, boats from the south. They aren?t very skilled with fighting by sea but they certainly surprised us and IF they manage to land then we will have a problem."

The discussion continued for a long time, I kept focused the entire time. Surprising as I soaked up everything I heard and remembered it perfectly. An hour went by and then another until we both stood up, saluted the man, and left. Leo led me back through a few hallways and into a bedroom. Small but comfy, like most of everything else. There was a bunk bed in the corner.

"Our room which we will stay in for about three weeks, subject to change of course. Not much, small but better than nothing. This area we are in is pretty small compared to the rest of this underground fortress then again, most of the area is for more important things. Meant to keep the citizens safe so we got a small area, just a few bedrooms, some offices, and then the command part." Leo sits down on the bottom bunk and rests his head against the wall.

"I get top then?"

"Yeah." He smiles at me like a little kid. "Get some rest then shall we? Just an hour or so then we wake up, do work, then you study." He laughs a little, kinda mockingly at the schedule.

"Very funny, Leo." I climb up to my bunk and lay down, resting my eyes I immediately fall asleep.
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Nevermind about the sunday thing, guess I got it done.

« Last edited by nightmare2 on Feb 24th 2012 »

Looking good, looking good. I wonder what'll happen once the others find out about the "amnesia" our favorite hero is suffering from. Looking forward to the next installment of the story. Oh, it's so interesting too, the way they have it all set up in the city and the sewers. Forgot to mention that. Good work.