Jokes and Riddles

heres, a crummy one.
i guy was at basketball game and was at the tourist shop and looks at the prices, they are all$50 and then goes up to the cashier and asks: What does NBA stand for? The chashier replies: National Bastketball League, Sir. The guy replies: No, Not Buying anything! And then he walks off.

your right crummy

I've been reading through ALL of the jokes, none of them are at all funny, I know, I aint got a sence of humour

Nope, you don't some of them are funny but most of them are just stupid.

This is a really tight joke i didnt make it up this guy did at school

what is the definition of tight

going to a granny and putting a bomb under her wheel chair and saying run for your life

wow that might be the worst one I've seen on this thread

Okay, nice new jokes ppl. Here's an old one.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea.






If they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls(bagels).

yep old, why don't I say a joke instead of just saying yours suck? 1. because I dont want to 2. because I dont know very many 3. the ones I do know can be considerd discrimination.

I've read through all the jokes they are lame.There were only a few that were kind of funny.

look here, this is a joke.

a duck goes to a hardware store and asks a worker do you have any gwapes the worker says no.the duck comes again the next day and asks the same guy do you have any gwapes the guy says no!the duck comes the next day and asks the same guy do you have any gwapes the guy the guy says no!!!and then the guy says if you come again i'll staple your stupid duck feet to the floor!!!so the duck comes the next day and asks the same guy do you have any staples the guy says no then the duck asks do you have any gwapes. (gwapes=grapes)

lol

Hey, here's a funny rhyme that I wanna share.

Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut just now, just now found a peanut, found a peanut just now.
It was rotten, it was rotten, it was rotten just now, just now it was rotten, it was rotten just now.
So I ate it, so I ate it, so I ate it just now, just now so I ate it, so I ate it just now.
Then I died, then I died, then I died just now, just now then I died, then I died just now.
Went to heaven, went to heaven, went to heaven just now, just now I went to heaven, went to heaven just now.
Didn't want me, didn't want me, didn't want me just now, just now they didn't want me, didn't want me just now.
Went back to Earth, went back to Earth, went back to Earth just now, just now went back to Earth, went back to earth just now.
Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut just now, just now I found a peanut, found a peanut just now.

No offense, but I think that takes the crown of King of Bad Jokes, Jord Shelly

Amen, Aman (sorry, I couldn't resist! ^_^)

lol, it does.....no offence

A duckling comes in one day and buys some chapstick. When the clerk asks how the duckling would like to pay for the chapstick, the duckling says "Sir, I would like some on my bill, thank you."

It's kinda lame, but does anyone get the joke?

Re: I love this one:
Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bookie Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.
Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.
Abbott: I certainly do.
Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.
Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.
Costello: You mean funny names?
Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...
Costello: His brother Daffy.
Abbott: Daffy Dean...
Costello: And their French cousin.
Abbott: French?
Costello: Goofè.
Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Costello: That's what I want to find out.
Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Costello: Are you the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You gonna be the coach too?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Abbott: Well I should.
Costello: Well then who's on first?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: I mean the fellow's name.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The first baseman.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playing...
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.
Abbott: That's the man's name.
Costello: That's who's name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: That's who?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Who's playing first?
Abbott: That's right.
Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Abbott: Every dollar of it.
Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy that gets...
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: Who gets the money...
Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Who's wife?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Abbott: What's wrong with that?
Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: How does he sign...
Abbott: That's how he signs it.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Abbott: No. What is on second base.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: One base at a time!
Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.
Costello: I'm not changing nobody!
Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.
Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?
Abbott: That's right.
Costello: Ok.
Abbott: All right.
PAUSE
Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?
Abbott: No. What is on second.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.
Costello: Now how did I get on third base?
Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.
Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Abbott: No. Who's playing first.
Costello: What's on base?
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third.
Costello: There I go, back on third again!
PAUSE
Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.
Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?
Costello: Now who's playing third base?
Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Costello: What am I putting on third.
Abbott: No. What is on second.
Costello: You don't want who on second?
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!
PAUSE
Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.
Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.
Abbott: Who's playing first.
Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?
Abbott: No, What is on second.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first!
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!
PAUSE
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: Because!
Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The pitcher's name?
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don't want to tell me today?
Abbott: I'm telling you now.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow!
Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.
Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!
PAUSE
Costello: Gotta a catcher?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: The catcher's name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.
Abbott: Now you've got it.
Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.
PAUSE
Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.
Abbott: So they tell me.
Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
PAUSE
Abbott: That's all you have to do.
Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Abbott: Yes!
Costello: Now who's got it?
Abbott: Naturally.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Naturally?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's different.
Costello: That's what I said.
Abbott: You're not saying it...
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: You throw it to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: That's what I said!
Abbott: You ask me.
Costello: I throw the ball to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Now you ask me.
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Abbott: What?
Costello: I said I don't give a darn!
Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.

Now this one I like!

I like that one too.... no one else seems to.

I cracked up when I read it! It is so freakin' hilarious!

On 04-Feb-2005 Dark ShadowPsyche said:

A duckling comes in one day and buys some chapstick. When the clerk asks how the duckling would like to pay for the chapstick, the duckling says "Sir, I would like some on my bill, thank you."

It's kinda lame, but does anyone get the joke?

Yes, I do ducks have bills, put it on his BILL it is kinda lame and kinda old.