Do I believe in a God? I can not honestly so that I have believed in a God all my life. I can say that these past 3 years, there has been no doubt in my mind that God exists.
I guess a more fitting response is why do I believe in this God?
Three years ago, I was on the brink of depression and suicide. I went through a lot in my life, including all my seeing my mother and brother die. My whole family left for their own reasons, and I had to live relatives. But three years ago, I had severe anxiety and I could hardly breathe. Couple this with depression, and you can easily see how torturous my life was on a daily basis.
I received a pocket bible one day as I was walking outside. I prayed to whatever was out there at that time. I said, Lord if you are real, then speak to me through this bible. I will ask you questions, can you please answer them through this bible. I never would have thought about the response that I got. I was as genuine as a person could be, I did not test God but I wanted to honestly know Him if He if were real.
I would ask a question in tears, not knowing the answer to them. I would open the bible immediately after, and whatever question I asked I would receive an answer. This happened for an entire month, and I was left dumbfounded every time. I wish I had that bible because I ferociously underlined scriptures, and the whole bible was wet with my tears as God heard my prayers and answered them. Why did He answer me? I am not sure, I just knew I had a broken an sincere heart wanting to know Him if He were there. Yet, did I place my livelihood and faith in this God being real. I did not. Not at that moment at least.
For majority of my life, I grew up without a mother and father. My brothers were absent as well. The hole that I had in my heart no one else could have filled besides God Himself. It was a God sized hole if you will.
My roommate urged me to go to a revival meeting at church which I was reluctant to go to. I thought God could have been real at that point, but I did not want much to do with Him. Mostly because I knew how sinful I was and I knew I had to give up that lifestyle to follow God. But anyway, I reluctantly went because I felt pressured by my roommate. At that meeting is where my life changed forever.
The speaker started speaking about the love of God. The same love I was so desperately looking for through family, friends and girls. I could not find it. He said, GOD LOVES YOU even at your WORST moment GOD is screaming out your name at the top of His lungs professing His love for you!
You have sinned and fallen short. God knows that! And He knows there is NOTHING you can do to win back His approval. Because you grossly fall short of the glory of God. But that never stopped God from loving you. He loved you so much, that He did not hold back anything in order to have you back. He came down, gave everything He had and breathed His last. He was hung on a tree for people that hated him, spit on him and ridiculed Him so that He can be one with them again. He loved the unlovable. Do you feel unlovable? That even GOD could not love you? His love is unlike others love, He loves and He has DIED for all of your sins. You are forgiven of your past, present, and future sins and now can be reconciled with Him forevermore. He will make you more and more like Him (righteous and perfect) through His Holy Spirit, because you couldn't clean yourself up. He is willing and wanting to clean you up, if you only see His love for you. He HAS RISEN, and is alive forevermore. And now we can be in perfect peace with Him.
Yet, I somewhat knew all that even though I might not have believed all of it. But this was the story that sent my heart spiraling out of control. If you don't mind reading a bit more I would like to share it.
Steven Curtis Chapman, a Christian singer, had 6 children. 3 his own, 3 adopted. Will Franklin (his own), his oldest son was driving home. He didn't see his little sister running up to the drive way. The girl was an adopted chinese girl the family loved with all of their hearts. Will Franklin, not seeing the girl, hit her as he was parking the car. Realizing what happened, he went into shock. He got out of the car and starting running as far and as fast as possible. His sister lay dead on the driveway. An ambulance came and took her and her father. Will Franklin's brother ran after him. As the ambulance was going by Will Franklin, his brother tackled him. The father rolled down His window at that moment and yelled, "WILL FRANKLIN, YOUR FATHER STILL LOVES YOU!"
Even at your worst moment. Your Father still loves you. Even when you feel so dirty that you can never face anyone. When you think no one else in the world will love you because of what you have done, your Father in heaven is screaming at you saying, don't you see. YOUR FATHER LOVES YOU.
That's all I needed to hear from the speaker that night, before I felt a flood of happiness and love come pouring out into my heart. I gave my life to Christ that day, and my life has never been the same. I have not been as severely depressed or sad since that day. I no longer have anxiety, and I can not ask for anything more in my life. Constantly, and daily He is pouring out rivers of love and grace into my life. When no one else is there, He is there screaming I love you every waking moment. I can honestly say that I have felt so much joy and happiness in my walk with the Lord that if I received any more my body would not be able to take it. I have made many mistakes since then. Some are probably worse then I have made before I gave my life to Christ. Christians were never meant to be perfect, and that's not what God is asking. God just wants you as you are. Christians are sinners like the rest of the world, just forgiven by the love of God and the power of His blood on that cross.
Do I have proof that God exists? Not too much more than what I have just said here. But I've met countless of people that have gone through similar experiences as I did where God just flooded there hearts, restored them and made them new people. I have met people who had no hope in life, but have been cured and changed by the love of God. I have encoutered Him face to face. The interaction and relationship I have with Him is more real to me than anything in this world.
Why me? I do not know, but the only thing I know is that He has given me a mission now. Go tell this to as many people as possible. Let them know how much He loves them and is willing and wanting to be in their lives. It is good news.
Why is there suffering? Why does God a lot? Suffering is a result of sin and our disobedience from the Lord. It is not His doing. But He allows it show us the pain sin causes, so that we do not run to sin but ran back to Him. Consequences of our own actions, discipline of a loving Father.
But the sufferings of this present time will not compare to the glory of God that will be revealed in us one day if we put our faith in the Lord.
This God I believe is Jesus Christ. I love Him with all of my heart.
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