jokes

On 31-Mar-2005 parrotboy said:

thats good heres some

St. Peter was guarding the gates on one particularily boring day when he suddenly got an idea.' I don't have to let everybody through the gates, I'll just let the people who had the worst last day on earth through. So, St. Peter went up to the first guy and asked him about his last day on Earth. 'Well, I found out my wife was cheating on me so I rushed home to catch her in the act. When I got home, my apartment on the 26th floor was empty. But when I got out to the landing I found a guy hanging there by his fingertips. I went and got a hammer and started pounding his fingers until he fell. He landed in some bushes, so he lived. I went and got the refrigerator and threw it down on him. Unfortunatly that put such strain on my back that I died. So... here I am.' St. Peter, chuckling to himself beckoned him through. He then approached the next guy in line. 'So, how was your last day on Earth?' 'Well, I was working out on the landing of my 27 story apartment when I slipped and fell. I quickly caught myself on the 26th floor so I thought I was going to be okay. Then this crazy guy came out and started pounding my fingers in so I had to let go. I thought it must have been my lucky day because I landed in some bushes and I lived. Then right as I got up, a refrigerator landed on me and here I am.' St. Peter, rolling on the floor laughing, motioned him through as well. Then, wiping the tears from his eyes he questions the third man. 'Your never going to beat those stories, but you might as well try. How was your last day on Earth? 'Well, I was having... with this woman who was cheating on her husband when he came home. So the wife hid me in the refrigerator and that's all I remember.


Four nuns just happened to die at the same time. Outside the pearly gates of heaven, they meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, 'Welcome sisters.' He says to the first one, 'Before I let you in I have to know, have you ever touched a penis before?' The first sister says, 'Yes St. Peter, I have. With my finger.' So St. Peter says, 'okay, just dip your finger in the holy water and you're free to go inside.' He asks the second sister, 'Have you ever touched a penis before?' She says, 'Yes, St. Peter, with my hand.' So St. Peter says, 'Okay, just dip your hand in the holy water and you're free to go inside.' St. Peter asks the third nun, 'Have you ever touched a penis before?' Just then, the fourth nun pushes the third nun aside and says to St. Peter, 'If you think I'm going to gargle with that holy water after she puts her *** in it, you've got another thing coming.'

The first joke was extremely funny!

thanks

I copied this joke from a site...

WAY TOO SMART:
A first grade teacher, Mrs. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is!"

Mrs. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principle's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the problem to the principle.

The principle told the teacher he would give Harry a test and if he failed to answer any of his answers, he would have to stay in the first grade and behave.

She agreed. Harry was brought in and the terms were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principle: "What is 3x3?"
Harry: "9."

Principle: "What is 6x6?"
Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question that the principle thought a third grader should know.

The principle looked at the teacher and said Harry can go to the third grade.

The teacher asked the principle, "Let me ask him a couple questions." They agreed.

Teacher: "What does a cow have 4 of that we only have 2?"
Harry thought for a moment and said, "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that is not in mine?"
Harry replies, "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry replies, "Pants." (lol)

Teacher: "What starts with a 'C' and ends with a 'T' that is hairy, oval, delicious, and contains a thin whittish liquid?"
Harry replies, "Coconut."

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and sticky?"
Harry says, "Bubble gum."

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, that a woman does sitting down, and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."

Teacher: "What starts with an 'F' and ends with a 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry replies, "Firetruck."

The principle sweat and breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher that Harry was to go into the 5th grade cause the principle got the last seven questions wrong.

anyone kno any mama jokes

Yo mamma so fat, she put on a yellow raincoat and all the kids said, "The shool bus is coming"

yo mamas so fat that when she goes 2 the zoo people say how much 2 ride on the elephant

Yo mamma so dumb, when her cd player batteries died, she buried them.

lol that good one

these are good

Yo mamma so fat, it takes a train and two buses to get on her good side. Yo mamma so dumb, when she was calling yo aunt in New York she tripped over the cordless phone. Yo mamma so dumb, she failed a blood test. Yo mamma so ugly, when she went to the store for milk, she got aressted for mooning an officer. Yo mamma so fat, when she steped on a scale, is said "I want your weight, not yo phone number". Thats all I got for now.

Hyper wire go to our team forum in the team and clans section

yo mamas so fat she carries ballons when she walks so she dont crack the ground



its pretty lame i no

^no, that's a good one. Yo mamma so fat, she stepped on a weight scale and it said "to be continued..."

thats good 2

Here's a Michael Jackson joke someone told me...

Q: Why did Michael Jackson get sick?

A: He ate a six-year-old wiener.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
thats good
:}:}:}:}

here is a normal joke

2 men go into a john wayne film, 1 man says: i bet john wayne falls off his horse at the end of this film. and the other man says that he won't fall off. they bet �5 on it each. they watch the film and at the end john wayne falls off his horse. the man who won the bet said to the other man: i'll be honest i have seen the film before and i knew that john wayne would fall off his horse. the loser of the bet replied: i've seen the film aswell but i didn't think the silly old fool would do it again!

Your mommas so fat when we went to Dairy Queen I ordered a sundae and she ordered the rest of the week.

Yo mamma so dumb she started staring a a can of OJ cuz it said "concentrate". Yo mamma so fat she hasta iron her clothes in the drive way. Yo mamma so fat when she sat on a dollar bill a booger popped outta Washington's nose. Yo mamma so old she saw the birth of Christ. Yo mamma so dumb she flunked recess. DBZ joke: Yo mamma so dumb she couldn't beat Broly at a staring contest.

yo mamas so fat that to have a shower she goes to a car wash