Capture the diamond!

I have Data break in and he steals it in seconds.

Data is actually working for me and what he transmits to your computer is not the diamond data, but a virus.

I have his brother Lore steal the diamond.

I steal it back and bury it at the bottom of the deepest and darkest pit of Hell.

I have the South Park Satan steal it for me.

Since the South Park Satan is only a drawing, I erase him and take back the diamond. Then I send it backward in time to when it was only a lump of coal.

But he isn't a drawing he is a paper cutout. So the diamond is still mine.

I delete South Park from existence and hide the diamond in a place that nobody can find and that I will never reveal.

I find it easily and send the diamond through a one-way portal to an unknown world.

I dive through the portal before it closes, and with the diamond in my possession, I find this world to be a total paradise and the denizens of this world make me their king.

The diamond was already through the portal before you dived. I created a fake diamond and threw it into a different portal. You went for the trap easily. In your new world it has a devastating flood which may kill you.

I open the portal through which you sent the diamond and draw it out, then kick you into the portal just before it closes. Then I seal all portal from that world back to this one so that you can never get back. Then I go to SK's paradise world, find him drowned in the flood, and take over as king of those who survived.

But the portal closed before you even posted. So SK is still unconscious, and you and KoC are still waiting for the diamond.

My diamond.

I knock the diamond from your hand, and it falls the the ground and shatters, proving that you have a fake diamond, and I had the real one all along.

I cast a spell that switches the diamonds so you have the fake and I have the real.

My diamond.

I roundhouse kick you, knocking you out cold, and take the diamond from your unconscious body. I then hide it in center of a tesseract. Have fun.

I write on paper the word tesseract , then erase it. It erases the actual tesseract. I then summon the diamond and hide it at the highest point in the universe.

I create a portal that takes me directly to that point and take the diamond. I then hide it in one of four locations. Choose only ONE place.

The center of the earth:
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The deepest part of the ocean:
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The darkest African jungle:
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The opposite side of the galaxy:
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I actually chose 4, then looked at the others.

I avoid the death trap and instead teleport you next to it so it kills you instead. I then hide it in one of 7 locations. Only pick 2!

A leaf.
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A stick.
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A ladybug.
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Your head.
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An anime cat girl.
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My hand.
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On a planet far, far away.
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I first chose the anime cat girl and then got the stick, so I now have the diamond.

I will give you the diamond if you can solve my riddle:
I have legs, but no feet, and cannot walk. I have arms but not hands, yet I can hold you.