Fan Fiction Academy

Well I better do mine then:

Lisa got off the couch. She let out a slight yawn and proceeded for the kitchen were her mom always seemed to be. Lisa was hungry and seh wants food, whatever Lisa wanted, LISA GOT. She casually strolled over to her mother who seemed to be muttering some gibberish to Lisa's father, something about 'divorce' Lisa hadn't the faintest clue what that meant she was only four. Her parents grew silent as soon as they saw she was standing there.
"I'm hungry" Lisa said bluntly.
"You'll have to wait honey" replied her father, "There's no food in the house your mother has yet to go shopping" he scoffed.
"Don't you start" Lisa's mother replied, "Look honey there is no food left your father was meant to get some..."
Lisa began to cry, she knew this always worked, "I'm so hungry!" she cried, "Why isn't there ever any food in this house?" she questioned.
Her mother picked her up, "I'm sorry honey" she said softly, "Your daddy will go shopping right now..."
"Yeh for anohther wife!" Lisa's father snapped.
"Why you coniving son of a!"

*Stares back at Miss with an evil glare.*

Thinks : She thinks I'm gay... What gave her that impression?! *Looks at self.* Ahh.

I thought she called me a muppet... Hmm... *Thinks.*

Well, ahe was quoting my post when she said "This muppet's smarter than he looks..."

*Looks more carefully.* Oh yeah, fair enough.

Lol...

Alright, I've given everyone a chance, and here are your reviews. John first - And I appreciate your comments on stereotype, sugardoll, but I was just pointing it out. =)

1. Good envision on the game. Typical kids play games when bored, which was captured well by you.
2. I liked the insight into family life - the lack of cleaniness is characteristic, which was exhibited appropriately.
3. I have to say, the best thing about your paragraph was how relevant it was to you. Including your five sisters not only gave you a very good idea of what you were writing, but it added subtle depth to your plot. Amusing, too. =D
4. I liked the fact that the child remained anonymous. Very clever - added a dimension of mystery.
5. Last thing, because I'm feeling picky - Fiery, not firey. I used to make that exact mistake lol.

All in all, a very good paragraph, which was kept brief, straightforward and elongated somewhat. Better than anything I'd have written at your age, certainly. Go you! *Gives gold star*

James...

That's HILARIOUS! How fabulously unpredictable! Lo bloody l! XD

1. The most endearing thing is that it was so DIFFERENT! It started off conventionally with the game, and just got progressively better. You never fail to amuse me, which is good, because I don't laugh easily. =P
2. Good names. Practical and subtly surreal.
3. Fabulous image of life for the worse off... no food, lazy parents and a serial killer in the kitchen! ^_^ Makes the atmosphere seem sinister, not just idle and customary.
4. I loved the build-up. You can feel the oddity of "Michael" when you first read it, but you don't put your finger on it until the end.
5. GREAT imagery - intrigues with the shadow references, and builds tension and bloodlust.
6. The integration of random and brutal violence at the end is cliffhanging, classy and co-ordinated - extremely awesome there. Your writing should come with its own cardiac warning not to read if you're of faint circulation, which to me is a rare talent.
7. I know you hate my grammar comments, but that's really the only thing that truly lets down your paragraph. Don't get me wrong, it's still fabulous - I do appreciate that not everyone's an excellent speller.

MINT paragraph, awesome bloodshed and an element of mystery. I loved it. ^_^ *Hands gold star*

And, last but certainly not least - Jordan.

1. Also unique and rather insightful.
2. Gives one a peek at a dysfunctional family and what it's like for the adults in question - yours is the only paragraph to provide different scope in that manner.
3. I'm so proud of you - you shied away from the male character and took a risk as a female, and it really worked! Whether I should be worried that you seem to comprehend the female brain I'm not sure, but hey, it worked, and that was very interesting.
4. Provides you with insight into the mind of a spoiled brat - that's fascinating.
5. Good bit of wit at the end. Typical male snarl of a comment, and decent grasp on the cerebrum of an adult female.
6. Loving the Psychology of Divorce.

Interesting, tenacious and brave... *gives gold star too*

All in all guys, a REALLY good effort, and thank you for your work! I hope I've helped with my feedback, and all three had great aspects; John's sheer classic simplicity, James' charismatic style and Jordan's visions of both sexes - it really worked. Next time, I think we're going to have to try some more advanced stuff, but I am very impressed with your primary efforts!

Class Dismissed!

Love,

Professor Holly

-xXx-

Yay! Everybody gets gold stars! lol

Wait a sec am i supposed to be doing something here?

Lucas - Never mind, dear. =P

Giga - Lol! Helpful comments?

What's the difference of firey and fiery? What'd I say? What was the context? I'm too lazy to go back and check...Oh yeah, now I remember.

Yay! I got a gold start w00t! go mthe divorce and the female mind! LOL.

P.S. You shouldn't be worried, I'm just a new age guy! XP

Fair enough, dudes. =P

Alright, it's time for class one, because I am smegging bored, and I get technical when I'm bored. =P

If you, delete as applicable, can't be bothered/consider flipping page too much hassle/hate me, here's the description of class one, in the words of the Legendary Feral Overload himself, Bad Wolf...

1. Character Description 101: More Than Just Names
This class will teach you how to put more detail into character descriptions, including dialogue and actions.

So, as is relevant...

... describe this bloke, without a thesaurus and to the best of your physical ability.

The male, tall, geeky and strange, sat and chewed on his nails.

And yes, I want something truly disgusting from you here - the more stomach-churning, the higher I'll mark it. =D

Thank you all!

Prof. Holly

What have I said about using me for homework, Prof Hol? And in case anyone's wondering, the Legendary Feral Overlord's a bit busy with the RP Academy and, to be honest, can't think of anything to do with this one. But while I'm here, class 3 commences. Evil Geniuses for Dummies, or something like that.

Everyone who's ever watched a movie knows how hilariously predictable evil geniuses can be. But they're supposed to be the bad guys, not the comedy relief. So I would like from each of my students a list of 5 typical actions an evil genius might take during the course of his/her plans. This kinda ties in with IHoC, so I want to see both classes working on this one!

Homework for Prof. Holly.

The 6"3' male of 23, walked from the corner shop on a drizzley Tuesday night at 8:32PM, he had gone to the shop to get some milk and bread. On his usual journey home from the corner shop, he saw sombody running down the street with a gun, the mysterious figure ran up to him and got him into a choke hold and used the male as a human sheild from the police.

"Please don't hurt me!" Yelled the male, a tear running down his face.
"Shut the bloody hell up, NOW!" The outlaw shouted. The male was now crying his eyes out, he bit his lip and wished he was in paradise. Far away from this incident. He started to think "What went wrong, I do this every other night... Why tonight?" He wished he would d.i.e.*
Shortly, the police sirens could be heard, and he saw a two police cars come around the corner, he began to pray that he'd make it through this... Two police men dived out of the car carrying AKS-74U assault rifles.
"FREEZE!" The first yelled.
"Put down your gun, and free the hostage, NOW!" The second officer called shortly afterwards. The outlaw bagan shooting the gas cannisters on the police cars, making them explode and instantly incinerating half of them. The two police men out of the cars dived toward the outlaw, envading the explosion.
"Oh my lord!" The first police man said, clearlly frightened of the mysteious man's phyciatric capabilities.
"Take this phyco down!" The police man aimed the laser-sight at his head and shot... However the mans reflexes already noticed he was about to pull the trigger, he moved the male in front, and he took the bullet to the head instead.
"ARH!" The male yelled, he opened his eyes and looked around his room, he had cold sweat, and started biting his nails... It had seemed so real.
He lived that day like he normally did, then on that Tuesday night, at 8:32PM on the way home from the shop, the outlaw appeared again and it happened again... He was living in that Tuesday... He was living in a time paradox!

Homework for Headmaster Wolf.

1. Plan to hire somebody to assassinate the world learders, I.E. the G8.
2. Design some chemical that when expersed melts your skin, paralizes your muscles and crushes you heart and other internal organs, and finnaly makes your non-existant skin seep out your blood.
3. Launch a Nuclear Bomb onto the Pentagon.
4. Design a Purified Anti-Mass Nuclear Bomb which can destory countries up to the size of Australia (Not intended to Lucas).
5. Create a group of people; The Wisemens Commitee and use them to rule America's Super Powers(The Pentagon, George Bush ect ect) and design a computer program that will be able to delete information and remake it as they see fit, therefor re-writing history as they see fit.


By the way, Prof. Holly, thanks for the marks. Even though I personnaly think you overrated it.
* d.i.e. is to get around the stars that blank it out.

On 18-Nov-2005 Bad Wolf said:

What have I said about using me for homework, Prof Hol? And in case anyone's wondering, the Legendary Feral Overlord's a bit busy with the RP Academy and, to be honest, can't think of anything to do with this one. But while I'm here, class 3 commences. Evil Geniuses for Dummies, or something like that.

Everyone who's ever watched a movie knows how hilariously predictable evil geniuses can be. But they're supposed to be the bad guys, not the comedy relief. So I would like from each of my students a list of 5 typical actions an evil genius might take during the course of his/her plans. This kinda ties in with IHoC, so I want to see both classes working on this one!

What did you say about using you for homework? I don't recall homework discussion... and anyway, I'm not a n00b. I can make relevant, appropriate and reasonably entertaining classwork and homework.

I was joking, Holly. Tall and strange pretty much sums me up perfectly.

Nice list, James. I quite like the last one. Very original.

FF_Master: You seek to blow up Australia? How could you?!

Holly: The tall man sat there, picking his nose, green snot oozed from it and enveloped his finger, "Yummy" he muttered, "You're certainly a good catch." The man ran his tongue along the green snot, licking up every drop he could, he bit at his nails to get the snot that had fallen under there and then returned to is computer screen. He adjusted his 5' inch square glasses and focused on his one love apart from eating his snot.... Maths. He buttoned up one of his loose buttons and adjusted his elvis tie. He began typing and realised that the excitement of maths had made him wet his dull grey pants. The pants were up to his stomach and he decided to go clean up to his mess, he was used to it by now, he'd been doing it for 35 years...


^^Now If that isn't disgusting, I'm gonna cry!

Wolf:
1. Capture a female, be she the senator or a princess.
2. Make an evil super-weapon
3. Hire incompetant underlings.
4. Talk for so long that the good guy escapes death and learns of his plan.
5. Hire a double agent to get the best of the hero.

What's IHoC?

Hol's Homey:

Bill slapped himself on the head for the thousandth time; he'd forgotten to try again. He itched the side of his head, then itched the inside of his ear. Ignoring the resulting wax drops, he returned to typing. The lanky fellow had been typing for nearly 50 hours now; with scattered breaks in between, true, but he'd been at this online game for the whole time. He wondered vaguely, in the back of his mind, if his sweetheart had sent him that e-mail back...but he couldn't be arsed to check. He had a virtual mission to complete.
The alarm rang; time to take a break. He paused the game, telling the other player he had to take a short pit-stop, and stood up. He waddled to the kitchen cabinets, ducking under the ceiling fans and doorways he'd come to. Being seven feet tall wasn't exactly as easy as it could have been, but he was used to it. He poured himself some orange juice, swallowed it, filled the cup with agrisept, and swallowed that. He always like the taste of agrisept; most people disliked it, but he drank two bottles a meal. The OJ was just there to help his digestive tracts handle it; he liked it, but his intestines didn't.
Finally he returned to his computer. A piece of dust from the swirling fan above dropped down right as he inhaled, causing him to sneeze all over the keyboard. Again. He told the other player he was back, and they continued dueling. About two hours later the alarm rang again, and he went into the bathroom after typing "brb" to the other player. He'd wet himself; that was a tough battle. In shedding his pants he found that he'd done the same many times, and so was out of pants and underpants. He shrugged, returning to the computer. Sitting with his butt naked, he continued the duel, and won. Then he fell over, dead. He'd stared at the computer screen for three days straight and hadn't noticed. He hadn't drank or eaten anything at all, and the chair was wet from his excitement, both sweat and urine. Some fecal material was embedded in it, too.

^Teh w00tzorz! XD

Wolfy's Asst.:
1. Create an "ingenious" invention to rule the world, but it backfires and he's sent to jail. Again.
2. Control the world with an iron fist, changing history and punishing thoughts. (1984, I got this from)
3. Hold for ransom a woman/family member/friend of the Hero's acquaintance to get him to come to his realm, and then set nearly impenetrable traps that the hero always passes
4. Steal some magical thing/something of great value from the hero/hero's family/hero's friend(s)/etc., then force him to win it back in a tournament type deal
5. Capture the hero, give away his big plan, and then the hero defeats him with ease

Lol at you all. I'll give it until about five tonight, which, in case we're all spatially confused, is eight hours from now, to let everyone get their entries in. I SHOULD be back home after that... lol.

I'm still waiting to do something- some teacher you are Hol ur not involving all the students! before you know it i'll be shoot rubber-bands at you! or flying paper planes! He he that gives me an idea..... mwa ha ha ha!

:O I forgot to add Jordan to the list on non-intentions, I'd change it, but I'm too lazy.