Inflict, dudette. =)
This was hilarious... from year eleven, which was my year group last year. I've always remembered this, because it was just one of those moments everyone recalls from School.
Picture the scene - Self-Improvement Assembly, me at fifteen years of age, sitting next to my equally cheeky best friend.
Headteach: Alright everyone, because this assembly is all about self-improvement, I would like to hear your feedback on how best to improve the school and its functions.
Holly: *Stands up* Well Sir, this really would depend on how long you've got.
*The year group laugh, and I'm sure a few teachs did too*
Headteach: Well, we've got about ten minutes, Miss Nottingham.
Holly: Nowhere NEAR long enough, but I'll give it a go.
Headteach: *Looking amused* Go ahead.
Holly: First of all, I don't like the way my Geography teacher works. *Sniggers as her teacher growls from the sidelines*
Headteach: Oh, and why is that? You study under Mrs Donkin, am I correct?
Holly: You're incorrect.
Headteach: Oh, fair enough. Miss Wakefield then, possibly?
Holly: No, I have Mrs Donkin - I just don't STUDY under her.
Headteach: Alright then. This is perhaps a matter we should discuss in private, simply because I don't want a war to erupt during assembly.
*Pupils sigh in disappointment*
Headteach: Anything else, Miss Nottingham?
Holly: You could use my forename, just as a thought.
Headteach: *Who's getting annoyed, but has no discipline, so never yells or tells you off* FINE - Holly. Now, anything else?
Holly: Yeah. The canteen.
Headteach: What about the canteen?
Holly: The fact that the whole system's a complete shambles.
*Most people shout "TOO RIGHT!" and/or "HEAR HEAR!" at this*
Headteach: Well, how do you propose we organise events?
Holly: I'm in favour of the Dictator approach.
Headteach: The what approach?!
Holly: Basically, all the little brats stand there, and the Senior Management Staff dress up as members of the SS, your respectable self of course being Hitler, and tell them they can only come in and eat if, delete as applicable, they pledge their allegiance to the Fuhrer and his supreme authority/aren't Jewish/are Aryan.
Headteach: *Now REALLY annoyed*
*Bell to end assembly rings*
Holly: I do believe they call that "saved by the bell"...
*Runs out the Hall*
I was congratulated on that for AGES...