Gears of Destiny

Hello all, and welcome to the very bloody:

Gears of Destiny

Chapter 1: The Birth Of Power

The sun had set that night and had left a bloody battlefield bathed in darkness. The strongest men and women from around the world had been brought together that morning, summoned by the High Overlord, to engage one another in a contest that would end the lives of many. Three had emerged victorious, their bodies soaked with the blood of their enemies and their weapons blunt from the day's trials.
High Overlord Spartzan watched from atop his balcony, sitting in his throne, coated in shadows and smiled upon the glorious winners, each one staring up at their leader, breathing heavily and not muttering a word.
?My sons! Today you have fought fellow comrades and enemies alike in your quest for power.? Spartzan announced. ?As you look around, you see death. As you breath, you inhale the stench of death. This day, you have put aside all else and you have fought in my name.? He continued. His arms were outstretched at his side in an ark, spheres of black energy were forming in each one. ?And in doing so, you have proven your worth to me. Garzavath, you shall become lord of the Earth. Amurios, you shall be my Lord of the oceans. And Frakxuja, you will be my Lord of the sky.?
The spheres that had been growing in his hands suddenly grew violent. Sparks began to jump from the surface of each and gradually became jolts of energy that concentrated themselves into one grand orb above the three warriors, clad in nothing but light armour with only a short sword to defend themselves. As they each closed their eyes, energy leapt from the orb and flooded into their bodies. Against the silence of the arena they had been fighting in, their screams of anguish were deafening. The shouts that had at first been caused by pain soon turned to laughter and joy, as the power of the High Overlord flowed through their vains and gave them strength. The force of the energy slowly lifted them off the ground until they were level with Spartzan himself, before dropping them back into the dirt on their hands and knees.
?Sons, you are now my Lords and have recieved the power I promised each of you. Having won the grand election I trust in each of you, and I put my faith in your lives.?
?What is your wish?? Bellowed Frakxuja, lifting himself from the earth and tensing his muscles.
?Yes, command us. For we know not what to do as Lords.? Continued Garzavath. Spartzan stood up from his throne and walked to the edge of the balcony, revealing his face. It was pale, thin,�and aged. A thin black beard ran across his jaw and met at a small point on his chin that stretched two inches in length. An equally trimmed moustache was under his nose and stretched the width of his mouth before curving at the ends. This matched his short, slick blacked, black hair and dull grey, yet slitted eyes.
?From nothing you have fought your way to power. And from nothing you shall create your empires. In the sky, ocean and land you shall build your fortresses, and your decisions shall be those of all that live in those areas. Do as you will. But know this; I am your Lord, and my rule is absolute. Disobey me, and your power will be stripped away along with your life, and a new Lord will be chosen in your place. You only listen to me. Is this clear?? Spartzan growled as he pierced each one's souls with his eyes and humbled them with his presence. All three bowed at his words and fell to their knees. With a smirk, Spartzan nodded and dissapeared back into the shadows, leaving the new Lords, Garzavath, Amurios and Frakxuja alone in the damaged colliseum with nothing but the company of the dead bodies around them. Each of them was silent, until Amurios burst into laughter.
?We did it. Thousands came to recieve the power of the High Overlord and we three have emerged as the victors. The grand election is ours. All that we have ever wished for is now only a request away. I can't believe it.?
?Don't get too excited.? Garzavath grunted. ?Do you really think the people will except us? For as long as the generation of Man can remember, all have followed the High Overlord, and now we have been brought into the ecuation of power. Things will be difficult for us.?
?I don't agree.? Said Frakxuja quietly. ?If we are now as powerful as Spartzan promised to all before the battle, things will be quite easy.?
As he said so, an injured warrior rose up from the dirt and lunged at Garzavath with a broken sword. With lightning quik reflexes, he sidestepped the attack and tripped his assassin to the ground. Perhaps out of instinct, or the will to try out his new power, he stretched out his hand and clamped it into a fist. As if summoned by Garzavath's own will, a mound of sand rised into the air and began to circulate around the fallen warrior. It gradually grew faster until he could no longer be seen, constantly spinning around like a cyclone. Beneath the sound of the spinning sand, the unmistakable sound of a man shreaking could be heard until the sand died down and fell on top of it's victim. Barely visible, Garzavath kneeled down and wiped some sand away from the man's face before smiling proudly.
?You may be right.? He said to the others, as he gazed upon the man's head. Most of the skin had been torn away from his skull and had left a mutilated form only recognisable as a human head by it's shape. Garzavath then kicked the man out of the dirt and chuckled at he observed his atacker's body, now devoid of life, with bones emerging from everywhere, and his skin and insides shredded apart by mere sand.
From the other side of the arena, an injured man named Cyanite watched the demonstration of the new Lords in horror, before grasping the bleeding wound on his stomach, and watching as the world faded to black.

« Last edited by Cataclysm on Aug 30th 2007 »

Great job! Looking foreward to the rest of it. A few minor typos here and there, but it's understandable, and other than that, well written. Also, about your sig, you could obliterate me in a drinking contest, but you would be pwned by me in an eating contest

« Last edited by King of Hell on Aug 30th 2007 »

That was short, and was only an intro. Now the real.... thing begins. It's longer, and has more fighting than my previous fic. Which isn't saying much.

Chapter 2: Collecting The Criminal

?Wake up you daft pillock. Come on, open your bloody eyes.?
The injured and unconscious Cyanite lay still in the arena, with another kneeling at his side, shaking his head around with his arms and trying to wake the wounded man up. His legs were clad in a black material that was wrapped around up to the waist from the ankles upwards that seemed similar to trousers. Above that, he wore a black breastplate that covered his entire torso but not his arms. A dark blue cape was also wrapped around his neck like a makeshit scalf that fell down to his chest and covered half of his back, his shoulders, and the lower part of his face. The only visible part of his head was the top, which showed some short, but messy black hair and some crystal blue eyes. A long, straight blade with a stell hilt and glimmering silver blade lay at his side as he continued to shake Cyanite as hard as he could.
?He's not waking up.? Muttered a voice from behind him, where a similarly dressed man stood. The other was skinnier than the one on the ground, but taller and seemingly much more agile. The only difference in their clothing was that he did not bear the cape around his neck, but had it tied around his left arm. His hair was also much longer, and shaggier, covering up one side of his face and only allowing others to see the right side.
?I didn't come here for nothing Neec. He is wakign up whether he wants to or not.?
?Well we're going to be here for a long time then Valk, because he is most definitely, dead.?
?Shut up and leave me with him. I'll keep tryinf while you keep watch. If any b*stards come up behind me and stab me, I'll make sure I take you with me.?
?Why don't you let me have a go.?
?No Neec, just no. We all know that if you were allowed even close to this half dead bloke, you wouldn't be able to keep your clothes on for less than a minute. I've already seen you eyeing up the dird birds around here.?
?Look, my name may be Neecrow Filliac, but that doesn't mean a thing. I don't know how many times we've been through this.? Neecrow said angrily. It was obvious that his parents were quite the jokers and loved there son over anything.
?Just shut up!? Retorted the other that Neecrow had named Valk as he picked up a stone and threw it forcefully at the other's face. ?I told you to keep watch, now you better bloody do it.?
?Whatever.? Neecrow answered quietly as he turned around to keep watch. ?But you know just as well as me that I like normal, live women.?
?Shut, Up!? Valk bellowed loudly. As he did so, the man in front of him began to cough, and a little later, Cyanite had opened his eyes.
?Has he woken up?? Neecrow asked in shock, running over and dropping to his knees next to Valk.
?My, brothers....? Cyanite gasped slowly. ?You, have come.?
?Of course we came you dumb twat.? Valk answered, sounding quite frustrated. ?Did you honestly expect us to leave you after you escaped The Order? What did you plan on doing? Did you think you would become a new Lord did you? Wanted to become one of Spartzan's little pets??
?No, I love The Order. I planned on assasinating Spartzan. I knew he would be here, but the warriors were too strong, and I failed.?
?No, really?? Valk answered in false surprise. ?Of course you failed. Spartzan has only ruled for the last few thousand years. What made you think you could beat him? I bet he stopped you with a flick of his fingers.?
?No.? Cyanite replied, making an effort to shake his head. ?I didn't reach him. When I entered the arena someone ran up behind me and stabbed me in the back. It went right through.? He explained. Each word seemed to take an eternity to leave his lips. Eventually he finished and pointed at his stomach. Neecrow nodded and pulled of the black breastplate Cyanite had been wearing, identical to their own and looked away. Underneath his protection was a gaping hole in his torso. It was clear that he had been lying there for at least three days, for his insides had dried up and the clots of blood around his open skin had attracted maggots and numerous other insects that were feeding on his wound.
?Well that's not something you see every day.? Valk shrugged, whincing slightly. ?But, how the hell did you survive this long??
?How do you think?? Neecrow butted in. ?Miss Varlerias herself must have cast a Life Curse on him before he left. You should know Cya, it's curse for a reason. It's not supposed to keep you alive for protection, it's supposed to keep prisoners alive for torture. You've got yourself into a little bit of bother now haven't you.?
Cyanite nodded slowly and groaned in pain as blood began to leak from his mouth. Valk, just beside his waist, had picked up the blade that had previously been on the ground and was driving it slowly through Cyanite's wound.
?Don't, ever, leave The Order, without, permission, again. Only the Captain decides what we do. If assasinating Spartzan had been the best choice he would have told us to do so. Now we have to come out here and punish you. That is a bloody waist of my time.? Valk said slowly, grinding his teeth in frsutration before ripping the blade out and placing it back on the ground. ?Pick him up Neec, we'll need to take him back with us. The Captain will want to see him.?
?What? Why me??
?Because you're a twat and I'm not. Get him up on your shoulders and follow me. And try not to touch him up.? Valk replied simply. He then stood up and picked his sword up from the dirt. Holding it in his right hand, he made his way over to the arena's exit with Neecrow following him close behind carrying Cyanite on his shoulders.

The three of them had been walking for hours. After leaving the arena they had entered a remote wasteland with nothing but sand for company. The earth had been blowing in their faces since they had left, and neither of the three was in a pleasent mood.
?Sh*t. Where are we now?? Neecrow asked desperately. ?This bloke is heavy and I can't see a thing.?
?I don't understand.? Valk shrugged without looking back at them. ?The gateway was half an hour away from the colliseum. And we've been walking for hours. We would of found it by now.?
?Perhaps Spartzan's men found it.? Neecrow answered, half spitting sand and half speaking. ?You know what the Captain said. If any gateway is found it's destroyed automatically by The Order.?
?Not possible.? Valk said, shaking his head. ?When a gateway is destroyed, it takes anyone in the area with it. We would have found at least a body if it had been found.?
?Then it's your fault.? Was Neecrow's reply. ?You've obviously gotten all three of us lost. Now what do we do??
?Don't blame me.? Valk shouted back. ?If I could see through this bloody sandstorm I would know where we're going.?
As he spoke, they both heard Cyanite scream in pain. Neecrow quickly dropped him to the ground as soon he had done so and fell to the ground soon after.
?Get down Valk, there's an arrow in his back. Garzavath's men must be following us. If I hadn't been carrying him it would have hit me right in the neck.?
?Sh*t.? Valk grumbled before dropping to the ground and crawling over to the other two. ?This is all because of you Cyanite. If I could kill you I would.?
?Oh, it hurts.? Cyanite whimpered. ?Please, at least try and kill me.? He continued, tears already falling from his eyes.
?Wimp.? Neecrow muttered as he drew a small, twisted dagger from his waist. Holding it into the air, it began to glow purple with pure energy. Shortly after, an extremely thin beam left it's tip and focused itself in the distance behind them. ?I've got their position. What should I do Valk??
?Kill the b*stard.?
Neecrow clenched the hilt of the blade tighter, and in doing so, the beam returned to the dagger. Seconds later, a jolt of flaming power jetted out of the weapon and sped into the sandstorm.
?I think I got him.? Neecrow whispered to Valk shortly afterwards.
?Good.? Was Valk's answer as he exhaled deeply. ?Get Cyanite and we'll carry on. The gateway must be around here.?
As they all stood back up, Valk heard something fly past his left ear. In the dirt before him was another arrow, coated in green blood. Poisonous blood. As he muttered some dark words under his breath, more began to fall at their sides, ocassionally striking Cyanite.
?Run!? Ordered Valk as he took off straight ahead. Neecrow followed close behind, using Cyanite as a human shield to protect his back.
?I can see them.? Mumbled Cyanite as he looked back. Numerous shadows in the Sandstorm were advancing rapidly, and the shower of arrows was still constant. ?They're mounted. We can't outrun them.?
Neecrow repeated what Cyanite said to him out loud and looked at Valk expectantly. After a brief moment, Valk raised his sword and charged backwards towards the shadows that were slowly growing larger. Neecrow followed suit and dumped Cyanite in the sand.
?Come on then.? Roared Valk as the attackers came into view. There were five men, mounted on brown war horses with bows in their grasp. They had been charging in a triangular formation, with the first man at the front wielding two, long, Katana like blades. As Valk and Neecrow collided with the group, the swordsman broke off from the group and rode off into the distance, leaving his archers behind.
Valk met with the second horse and swung horizontally at it's legs, slicing through it's knees and causing it to tumble to the ground. He quickly drove his blade into the beast's neck as it fell and rolled away to avoid a collision. The rider had fallen to it's left and was nerviously trying to place a new arrow into his bow. Valk quickly lopped the man's arm off to prevent him from firing and ripped the projectile from the grasp of the other. His opponent was already on the ground, and Valk found it easy to stamp on his neck and stab him in the chest with his own arrow.
Neecrow stood on the spot and waited for the third horse to arrive. Seconds before it struck him, he leapt into the air and landed behind the rider, balancing on the horse's back. The rider barely had time to turn before Neecrow swung his leg around and knocked him to the ground. Jumping back down to the earth, Neecrow fell headfirst with his arm outstretched and pushed the blade through his opponent's skull mid-fall, ending his leap with a roll that left him leaning on on knee. Another attacking horse was not far behind and was also heading for him. So focusing energy into his blade, he fired a concentrated beam of burning energy through the animal's head, which continued and pierced the chest of the rider. Although he was clad in heavy, silver armour, it was no match for the magical attack and was destroyed upon contact, leaving it's dead host to fall to the ground.
Meanwhile, Valk had grabbed onto a horse's neck and was wrestling the best to the dirt. Above, the mounted archer was trying to get a clear shot at Valk and was ready to fire. Seeing his chance, he let loose his arrow and tumbled with his creature as his projectile struck the horse's head. Panting heavily, the archer got up onto his hand and knees, only to be kicked back dwon by Valk.
?You're Garzavath's men aren't you?? He asked angrily, his body stained with the blood of his victims. The archer spat at his feet and tried once again to stand back up, only to have Valk's sword slice through his neck.

?Who were they then?? Neecrow asked as they made their way back to Cyanite. He had his blade out and was cleaning it with the robe around his arm.
?Garzavath sent them. The last one told me. But I certainly saw another ride away before we reached them. There was a fifth. My guess is that he was scared and decided to flee.? Valk answered, he was also cleaning his blade, and was shaking his head. ?Three days he's been the Lord, and already has his men patrolling for The Order.?
?Well The Order does want to overthrow Spartzan.? Neecrow shrugged. ?And I can only imagine that he expects that we're after him too. I would be searching for The Order if I was him.?
?I suppose. It must be him who summoned that sandstorm too. Do you think he knew we would come??
?The Order mark is a dead giveaway.? Neecrow answered, looking down at his right hand. The Order mark consisted in a tattoo of a red flame around the outher area of the thumb. Until the fall of Spartzan, the mark burnt every member of The Order, as a constant reminder of their cause, and a more than efective motivator. After years of being members, Valk, Neecrow and Cyanite now barely even noticed. ?Garzavath must have saw someone with the mark during the election. That's how he knew we would come.?
Valk nodded in agreement and continued walking in silence until they heard Cyanite shout only a short distance away from where they had left him.
?I've found the gateway.? He called as loud as his body would let him. Minutes later Valk and Neecrow found him. Lying next to Cyanite's panting body was a stone, the same size as the average human in height and width. It's surface was completely smooth except for a small crevice the size of a man's fist.
?Well done Cyanite.? Valk said strangely. ?Though I can't see how you would want to get back so badly. The Captains going to give you a royal boot up the ars* when we get back.?
?If I go back, Varlerias will be able to remove this curse, and I'll be able to leave this pain behind. Three days has been enough to make me wish for death.?
?Fair enough.? Valk shrugged as he placed his fist into the crevice. Inside the stone, his mark burned intensely and in an instant he was consumed in flame. Once the fire had subsided, he was nowhere to be seen, and only the stench of burning flesh was evidence of his previous presence. Cyanite and Neecrow then did the same, and in under a minute, the three of them had dissapeared.


« Last edited by Cataclysm on Aug 31st 2007 »

Great job. Fairly long, and fairly well written. Try typing it up in microsoft word, then spell checking, cuz I saw a few typos. Other than that, keep it coming.

Hello.

Right. I'm going to start with the most basic of possible complaints: typos. The first two chapters of this story are laced with them. There are lots of typos. At first I was preparing a list so I could point them out, but there were simply too many. Most of them were minor. Probably just because two keys are close to each other and you pushed the wrong one. Barely significant. But I've said it before and I'll say it again: loads of insignificant things become significant when added together. You could look at one typo and shrug it off, sure. Everybody makes mistakes. But when you're reading something, it seems less and less professional with every typo you spot. I understand the desire to focus on the bigger picture and not worry about typos, but they have such an easy solution that I can't see why you'd avoid correcting them: proof-reading. If you just read your chapter once it is finished, you're sure to spot the typos, and then you can correct them. Easy as that. Or, even simpler, use a program that has a spellcheck function. A good spellchecker will eliminate a majority of all typos.

Then there's a minor grammatical issue. I wouldn't even point it out except you make the mistake virtually every time there is dialogue.

?Well The Order does want to overthrow Spartzan.? Neecrow shrugged.

?The Order mark is a dead giveaway.? Neecrow answered, looking down at his right hand.

?Come on then.? Roared Valk as the attackers came into view.

Three completely random bits of dialogue directly copied from your story. What do they all have in common? The period inside the quotation marks. In the third one, you even capitalize the verb after the quotation, indicating that you are starting a new sentence. You aren't. "Roared Valk as the attackers came into view" is not a sentence, it is part of a sentence. It is tied to the quotation. The dialogue and the explanation are not seperate sentences. When you are quoting somebody and then explaining who you quoted, it should always be one sentence.
In case I've been unclear, I'm going to show the sentences corrected.

?Well The Order does want to overthrow Spartzan,? Neecrow shrugged.

Simply changing the period to a comma makes it grammatically correct.

?The Order mark is a dead giveaway,? Neecrow answered, looking down at his right hand.

Again, a simple swap of punctuation.

?Come on then,? roared Valk as the attackers came into view.

Slightly more effort here, but barely. Swap in punctuation and then changing the next word into lower case because it isn't the start of a new sentence.

I mean, if you look at any of your lines of dialogue, they all make that simple mistake.

Anyway, that's conventions and grammar and such. Your attention to those things has plenty of room for improvement. However, as for the story itself, I think you're off to a very good start. Decent character development so far and very well done plot development. Nothing creates suspense quite like revealing only small portions of the plot at a time. You've supplied a good deal of description while still leaving plenty of questions open for discussion.

And now for the more opinionated part of this review. In my personal opinion, this story is very interesting. I love the plot so far. I like the uniforms described as those of The Order, as well. I'm impressed.

All in all, your creativity lacks very little. Just need some work on the technicalities of writing. I'll look forward to seeing some more.

« Last edited by Panic Supreme on Sep 16th 2008 »

Typos will happen because the place that I'm writing these chapters in doesn't have MS Word or anything of the sort. I have tried my best to write properly, but I need to pay for computer time and I usually have to write in a hurry.

The grammatical are of course, because of me. Living in Spain for the last five years really doesn't help your English, and it shows in my fics it seems.

All in all, I'm glad about both things. If something needs correcting I'm glad when people point it out, and I'm thankful for the advice. Secondly, I'm pleased that you're both enjoying the story. I don't like to brag but I have things much bigger than The Order's plans set for the later chapters.

I'm allowing this double post simply because I've written the chapter but can't save my work where I am, so I have no choice but to post it now. As always, any criticism is good criticism. Any errors have been updated for this one.

Chapter 3: Mission Complete

Valk, Neecrow and Cyanite shielded their eyes and fought to keep their mouths shut as the three of them plunged through molten flames and felt their very skin being burnt from their bones. What seemed for an eternity was over in a matter of seconds as each of them was flung from a portal of lava into a shallow pool of water. The room they had entered was circular, and lining it's edges were dozens of equal gateways rippling with lava held back by some invisible force. Their clothes had not even been burnt from their journey through the gateway, but their skin had been instantly torched and made to suffer. As they landed in the centre of the room and touched the water, their scars slowly began to disintegrate into ash and drop into the liquid until each of the three looked exactly the same as when they had activated the gateway.
?I hate gateway journies,? Neecrow muttered as he heaved himself out of the water and exhaled deeply. After a brief moment of writhing around on the floor in agony, he now seemed perfectly fine, but ever so slightly annoyed. ?Do we really need such a, painful security system??
?You complain every time. I thought you would be used to it by now,? Valk grumbled in response as he attempted to dry out his clothing. ?Imagine what you would be feeling now if you hadn't been a member of The Order. You would be dying a very painful death. The system works.?
Cyanite, clearly still attempting to endure his previous injuries, lay in the pool whimpering almost silently. Neecrow chuckled softly as he saw his fellow member trying to drown himself pathetically.
?Come on Cya, you know you can't do anything about the Life Curse, and it's all your fault. The quicker we take you to the Captain the quicker you'll be able to get rid of the curse and be killed.?
Cyanite immediately stopped wriggling and allowed Neecrow to hoist him up onto his shoulders. Valk had already began to make his way towards the exit; a small steel door bolted tight from the other side. Hammering his fist on the surface, a small panel opened up at his eyes' height and revealed a pair of green eyes staring right back at it. They seemed bothered by Valk's presence.
?It's hard to enjoy myself alone when you interrupt me.? A voice mumbled from the opposite side of the door.
?Just let us in,? Valk sighed as he leaned casually against the wall. ?And make sure you're not half naked when we come through.?
?Just a moment then,? The other answered. For a brief moment he ducked down and all that could be heard were his clothes being wrapped back around his legs. Shortly afterwards he stood back up and cleared his throat. ?Name and rank.?
?Bloody hell,? Neecrow butted in. ?You know exactly why we left and why we're here now. You came with us to get pis*ed the other night too. Surely that's enough proof.?
?I'm afraid not. Name and Rank.?
?Let us in Burly!?
?Name and Rank.?
?Just let us through the door.?
?Name and Rank.?
?Just give him your name and rank,? Valk interrupted. ?We already know you're name Neec, but you have to state it anyway. Just get it over with.?
?Fine,? Neecrow contested miserably, ?Neecrow Filliac, Arcane Enforcer of The Third Order. Now let me in.?
?Not until Valk and Cya have done the same.?
?Valk Kamazkasaythe, Blade Enforcer of The Third Order. Cyanite's not really in the position to answer any questions right now,? Valk said to the gatekeeper, still leaning against the wall impatiently.
?Rules are rules,? Was the response. ?Neither of you can enter until Cya gives me his name and rank.?
?Okay, I'll do it for him.? Valk answered angrily. ?Cyanite who knows what, rebel twat of The Third Order.?
?Not good enough,? the other shrugged. ?But I'm running a little dry. I would gladly let all three of you in if I had the right motivation.?
Valk sighed and showed his mark through the panel to the gatekeeper Burly. As he began to speak, the mark began to glow fiercely.
?I, Valk Kamazkasaythe of The Third Order, swear to purchase three bloody pints of whatever Burlycires Burls wants on Friday f*cking night.?
?Well wasn't that nice of you,? Burlycires laughed annoyingly. ?But remember, that's an Order oath you made. Break it and you know what happens.?
?The bearer of the sacred mark will be engulfed in infernal flame for an eternity under protection of the Life Curse,? Valk said childishly. Neecrow grunted in dissaprovement behind him as the doors swung open to reveal the incredibly well built, yet surprisingly short Burlycires Burls, wearing a sneaky smirk on his face.
?Welcome back boys. I heard Cya's well in for it. Give me all the details when you set back out,? He said happily as the three passed through the entrance and slammed the doors shut behind them.
?Just make sure you come to the bar on Friday, or I'll make sure I burn you for an eternity.? Valk replied without turning back. They had entered a long hallway with walls of steel, lined with elemental lights that showed them their path. They continued along until they reached another room that had the same shape as the Atrium of Gateways. Except now there were no portals, and only a lever in the centre. Valk placed his marked hand on the device and pulled it back with considerable effort. Seconds later, the floor rumbled and began to ascend upwards. Just as it seemed they were going to be crushed by the roof, Valk pushed the lever back and sat down as the ceiling above them also ascended at the same speed.
?I heard the lever got jammed the other day,? Neecrow said casually as he also sat down and laid Cyanite next to him. ?Happened when Jion came back from a mission. The poor sod was crushed like a stick. I just hope nothing like that happens to us.?
?That's the first flaw in security in over a century,? Valk retorted. ?We can trust the Captain's methods just as well as we trust ourselves.?
As he said this, the ceiling stopped, and the platform continued to rise. Casually, Valk sttod back up and pulled the lever once again. Neecrow had a nervious look on his face, and rightly so. The moment Valk let go of the mechanism the floor began to drop at an incredible speed. So fast it fell, that Valk, Neecrow and Cyanite were freefalling above it and tumbling through the air. As the heavy stone slab of a floor fell away from them, they saw it sink rapidly in a pool of lava, which they fell directly into and were nowhere to be seen.

Seconds later, all three of them fell from the cieling of a massive cave full of other Order members. The platform had dissapeared from sight and beneath them was only a considerably deeper pool than the last one.
?So,? Neecrow shouted over the soud of the air as they plummeted. ?What do you think the Captain will do to Cya??
?He'll probably have the curse removed by Varlerian, and will then have him killed somehow.? Valk answered just as loudly as he prepared himself to hit the water. With an incredible splash the three of them fell into the water, their injuries already healing up after the journey through the gateway. Valk had swam to the side and was climbing out, while Neecrow had dived down and was desperately trying to pull Cyanite up from the depths.
All around them, Order members passed by and did not even bat an eyelid. They had grown accustomed to the Order's military personel dropping in in such a way, and did not even seem to notice that three men had fallen from a lave pool in the cieling. Minutes later they had emerged from the pool, Valk, impatiently waiting, and Neecrow, gasping for air with Cyanite on his shoulders. All around them were fruit stalls, bars, people passing by, weapons shops, armouries and many more. The Order was not just an organization, they had created their own world inside an underground cavern of gigantic proportions in a remote, secluded area of the world only accesible by lava portals that kill anyone not bearing The Order's mark.
?You take Cya to the Captain's area. I need to go see my family.? Neecrow said cheerfully to Valk as he dumped Cyanite at his feet. Every member of The Order was happy after passing through the security mesures, because they knew they could relax afterwards. Picking Cyabite up and throwing him over en shoulder, Valk headed through the crowd directly towards the Captain's residence.

?I've brought him for you,? Valk called through the steel door that protected the Capatain's area. ?It's me, Valk. And I've brought Cyanite.?
?Come in.? answered a gruff voice from inside the room. Obediently, Valk opened the door and entered his boss' offcie. Unlike the rest of the cavern, it's walls were wooden and well polished, lined with bookcases and draws. In the centre was a wooden desk, and behind it, in a similarly made chair, was The Captain. He was a tall and muscular man, with a bad head and a path covering where his left eye would be. His clothes were identical to all the other Order uniforms, except for the fact that his cape was red and tied around his neck as it should be. Numerous medals also dotted his chest area. No one even knew what half of them were for.
?Cyanite has been caught,? mumbled Valk quietly. ?Neecrow Filliac also aided me in my mission and deserves credit for the capture, even though he is not present at this time.?
?About f*cking time,? The Captain answered as he stood up aggresively and took Cyanite from Valk's shoulder. With incredible force, he threw the injured man across the room into a boockcase which then fell on him. ?Unauthorised use of the Life Curse, leaving The Order without permission, trying to become a Lord for the very man we wish to overthrow. The list goes on Cyanite,? he roared as he made his way over to the groaning man on the floor. ?I'll make sure you suffer for disobeying my rules, that I set for all our security,? he shouted even louder, throwing books aside until he had lifted Cyanite by then neck and off the ground with one arm. ?Thanks for bringing him back Valk,? He said seemingly calmer to the unsurprised Enforcer standing at the entrance to his residence. ?I'm leaving you in charge of his punishment. He seemed to like the curse before he left The Order, so I won't be so cruel as to take it away from him. Make him feel the true pain of it,? The Captain ordered, effortlessly tossing Cyanite back at Valk's feet. ?I know this seems brief Enforcer, but I have things to do, and little time. Once you've taken care of this one I want you to report back here for your next mission. Bring Neecrow too. Big things are about to be set into motion.?
?Yes Sir,? Valk nodded as he picked Cyanite up off the floor and left the room. As he shut the door behind him he whispered into Cyanite's ear. ?This is a once in a alifetime opportunity Cya. Punishment power has never been given to me in all my time here and I doubt it ever will be again. I'm going to enjo this.?

Not an anti-hero. A twisted sadistic peice of work. Anyway, well written. More lord stuff. I like sand stripping flesh from bones

Chapter 4: A Lesson In Anger Relief

Valk pushed his way through the staring crowd as he headed for the torture chamber. Men and women alike bowed their heads as he passed with Cyanite over his left shoulder. Order guards followed shortly behind, pushing back anyone that dared to come close to the prisoner. Before the Enforcer was a clear path to a stell door, opened up by thousands of people watching darkly. He had only ever seen the silent march of a prisoner being taken into punishment from a distance, and now it was him taking the criminal to the dungeons of The Order's world. As he kept his eyes focused on his destination, trying desperately not to meet eyes with any of the spectators, a small girl passed through the guard's barricade and sttod in front of Valk.
?Please, don't take my daddy to the chambers, he was only trying to help us,? she begged, furiously trying to cling on to Valk's leg as he stopped. Without saying a word, he signalled to the guards to have Cyanite's daughter taken away. Valk exhaled deeply as he saw the crying girl pulled into the crowd of people. This time he did see the onlooker's faces, each and every one glaring into his own eyes, wishing to stop him from taking the innocent man to his inevitable punishment. After all, Cyanite had only tried to aid The Order, and had not been attempting to harm it in any way. But Valk was loyal to his Masters, and would not let anything get in the way of his objectives. His history had assured that.

Valk remembered it clearly, each and every day of his horrifying experience. The Captain had been assassinated, and he was the accused. In attempt to stop the assassin he had trapped himself in the room that housed the dead body of his leader. Hopelessly he had tried to explain his innocence all to no avail. Nothing could be done, and he had been sentenced to three years of torture under the Life Curse. At that time he had been younger, more cheerful, charismatic, and more afraid. He remembered screaming as he himself had been taken along the tortured's path. Having seen what had happened to previous victims suicide had come to his mind more than once, but the Life Curse had been applied before the thought had even ocurred, and such an act would only cause more pain.
For the first week he had merely hung from the cieling of the hellish room by his wrists, bound by infernal chains the burnt his skin and caused incredible pain to his flesh. At that moment he had thought that things could not have possibly gotten worse, but he was far from correct. A week after his imprisonment a light had been turned on in his room, and that is where the true hell began.
?Are the three years over?? he had asked hopefully that day. The man that had entered had merely smirked. Horror had filled Valk's heart at the first sight of the room. A floor coated in puddles of human blood, walls stained with the showers of body fluids of other men, and a horrible stench that reminded Valk of nothing but death. The answer to his question had been pain. The one who had entered had picked up a large hatchet from the wrack in the corner and had advanced slowly over to his victim, allowing Valk time to realise what was to happen. His limbs were hacked off, his eyes gouged from their sockets, his very insides ripped from their place, and each nightfall he had been cured, ready for the next day's punishment. For two and a half he recieved the same treatment, day after day with no exceptions, and each day he bellowed to the heavens for mercy and wished that death would take him. But it never came. Eventually he lost count of the days he had suffered and faced up to the truth. It was not a nightmare, and he was destined to suffer for a crime had had not committed, until one day, his salvation arrived.
For unknown reasons, an Order member had confessed to the murder of the Captain and Valk had been freed from his chains. Every movement felt like a fatall stab all over again, for he had not been able to move in over two years. Eventually he regained the ability to move freely after weeks on the dungeon's floor, writhing in pain and whimpering in anguish. The day he opened the doors back to The Order's world his eyes had been stunned by the incredible light, and he had emerged with ferocious and sickening wounds all over his body. But freedom was his, and without waiting a moment he dashed through the citizens of the cavern, pushing and shoving until he reached the curative pool in the centre. The relief that filled his body as he fell into the heavenly liquid was nothing like he had ever felt before, and as his injuries were washed away he realised how much he had grown to hate the real killer of his previous Captain. Unfortunately for him, the man had already been taken to a seperate chamber and Valk was not permitted to even see his face. His joy was replaced by incredible rage, a rage which he found he could not take out on anyone but his enemies. When he returned to the Captain's office he had expected riches and an apology that would satisfy his thirst for revenge, but instead, the new Captain merely said sorry and told him to return to his mission work. Ferociously, he stormed out of the room and began to work loyally for The Order. If he became faithful, he would never be blamed for such a crime again.

Valk shook his head as he remembered those days and continued towards the chambers. Even if Cyanite didn't deserve his punishment, those were his orders, and he would complete his given objectives without exceptions to any. However much he pitied Cyanite, his opinion did not matter.
?Hurry up!? a guard said impatiently to Valk. ?These people are starting to overpower us, if you don't get there soon they might break through our barrier.?
Valk nodded in respons and hastened his pace until he reached the entrance. Only torturers were allowed into the dungoens, and so the guars could not follow him in. Shutting the door behind him and entering the fearful darkness, he began to descend into the hell hole that had once brought so much pain upon him.
He kicked open the metal door and stormed into the room. Cyanite was still unable to retaliate as Valk threw him to the ground and pulled the lever that lowered the chains from the cieling. Taking the clamps he shut them around Cyanite's wrists and began to look away as the poor man scremed just as he had. Not looking at his victim, he turned back to the stained wall and pulled the lever once again to lift Cyanite up from the ground, so that his feet were hovering more or less a foot from the floor. Valk then took a look at the rack full of instruments of torture. He recognised all of them and knew exactly what he could do with each of them. As he eyed each one he felt the presence of the pain they had caused. It had of course, only been a psychological sensation, which soon passed and allowed Valk to choose his first weapon; the hatchet.
Approaching Cyanite's hanging body he hesitated. The man's bald head was lowered and facing the ground. He obviously knew what was to happen to him and was ready, but it still did not feel right. So long he had waited to exact his revenge upon someone, anyone, and now the moment had come, but as he swung his arm back to hack at the man's leg, he lost his grip on the weapon. As it hit the floor Valk also fell to his knees, vomiting onto the floor. All the memories he had tried hopelessy to forget suddenly flooded back to him in an instant, and his body had reacted. He could not possibly hurt an innocent man, knowing exactly how he felt.
Cyanite gasped in surprise as the pain never struck him and he felt his wrists being released from the clamps.
?Am I dreaming?? he mumbled softly, looking up from the ground into Valk's eyes.
?No, you're not Cyanite. I've set you free. Forget your family, your belongings.... everything, and get out of here. You don't have to use the main entrance,? he explained as he kneeled at the sweating man's side. Beneath where he had been was a drain fo the blood that would inevitably gush out of each victim. It had been put there to make the tortured ones see how close they were to freedom as a method of psychological torture. ?I don't know where it leads, or if you can even get out using it Cyanite, but it's your only hope. Get out now.?
Shocked, Cyanite lay on the spot speechless and nodded in response. He was one of the few people the knew Valk, and this was extremely unexpected of him. But nonetheless, he was providing him with an escape. He would have to take the chance.
?And what about you Valk?? he asked quietly and slowly. ?Once they find out that you've let me go they'll surely throw you in here. Shouldn't you come with me??
?I suppose I'll have to,? Valk answered before chuckling softly. ?I don't even know why I'm doing this, but I can't put a man through what I felt, so I will have to escape with you soon. But first, I have something to take care of.?
Cyanite nodded and lifted up the drain from the ground. In it's depths he could smell human blood, but he was too desperate to care, and with a thankful smile, he threw himself into the hole, leaving Valk alone in the chamber above.
Valk stood up and straightened his unform out and picked up the hatchet from the floor. He was sorry he could not have removed the curse from Cyanite and healed him, but he was glad that he had set the innocent man free. He knew that his time at The Order was soon to be over, but before he left he would make sure that he completed his final mission there. Swiftly, he kicked open the door and left with the hatchet in his hand. His destination was not far.
Hours he waited until the torturer left for the night. The chamber was only a short distance away. He knew this because one of the many torturers changing shift had very kindly let him know after a little painful motivation. Sneaking into the room, he laughed out loud as he saw the man in the centre of the dungeon.
?Have you.... have you come to save me?? asked the man hanging from the cieling. The lights were out and he could not see Valk in the shadows.
?What's your name?? Valk responded darkly without revealing his face to the other. He had to be sure.
?My name is Cataraycte,? the dangling man answered. ?Now get me down from here. I'm suffered for five years and I can'st stand it anymore. Hurry up.?
Valk could see that the healing spell had already been cast for the night. All that remained on Cataraycte's body were numerous scars and burns. There was a reason Valk kept the lower half of his face covered. And he was about to renew the injuries the other had just recieved. Stepping out of the shadows he leaned right up to Cataraycte's ear and whispered.
?Do you know who I am as*hole?? he said with a sinister smile. ?I'm Valk, and it's going to be my pleasure tonight to show you what true hell really is.?
The emotions of hope immediately dropped from from Cataraycte's face as he cried desperately for the guards, knowing full well that they wouldn't come.
?Get away from me Valk. You'll be thrown in her too for this.?
?I've already been in here,? was Valk's reply. ?And it was all because of you and your little assassination trick. Did you feel satisfied when you saw me taken to the chambers? Were you proud of yourself when you locked me in that room with The Captain? I bet you were. But guess what, it's my turn to return the favour. Not in all your years here will you have felt the pain that I'm about to inflict on you. Brace yourself for agony that you never even knew existed.?
Valk swiftly stepped away from Cataraycte and over to the rack. This time there were no feelings stopping him. Closing the door behind him so that no one would here, he picked up a blood stained saw and strolled joyfully over to the centre of the room.




Now, I would include the next scene, but it even made the creators of Saw and The Hostel feel sick, so I'm afraid I can't. Speaking of those, they were great films. Comment please.

« Last edited by Cataclysm on Sep 3rd 2007 »

Oh god. Well written, a little short. A good deal of your characters history was revealed, as well as the fact that he has emotions. I didn't know you had it in you Cat!

Here we go. New chapter, with much plot development. Enjoy it and wonder at what goes through my imagination and what possible story I could have thought up.

Chapter 5: Reopening The Wounds Of Old

Valk rubbed his bloody hands together and spat on the floor as he stood in silence admiring his masterpiece. In the centre of the room were the remains of what had once been a humanoid being. Now, it was a mutilated shell of life, rolling horribly and attempting to scream in pain. Cataraycte's many missing body parts had been scattered across the room, inclusing fingers, arms, toes, legs, bones stripped of their skin, and one eye, leaving him with an other to see his own horrifying appearance. His face was no unrecognisable, with it's very shape mashed into a form that could no longer be described. A number of the man's insides had been ripped from their very bodily systems and had also been laid out across the room for Cataraycte to see with his own eye.
?No healing spell is going to give you your life back,? Valk smirked as he twirled the hatchet in his right hand. Swiftly he threw it into his victim's chest and turned his back on the disgusting sight, trying hopelessly not to smile with delight. Valk waved goodbye to Cataraycte with a false friendlyness and slammed the door shut behind him. What he had waited so long to do had now been done. His revenge complete, he felt a great relief, and no longer felt the rage that had filled him previously. Picking up his sword merrily from where he had left it outside he headed back to Cyanite's chamber where he would be able to escape down the drain. As he made his way through the dingy and damp corridors of the dungoens he whistled happily until he arrived at the door that would lead him to freedom. Pushing it open, his happiness immediately left him as he saw the Captain and two guards standing over the open drain.
?You wouldn't happen to have anything to do with this would you Valk?? The Captain asked furiously, already knowing the answer. ?I told you to teach him what it means to be a loyal member of The Order. I placed my full trust in you, and you do this to me. I'm dissapointed.?
Valk stared at the ground and grinded his teeth together. The Captain being dissapointed meant that he was in for one hell of a punishment. That, or he was under an anti-depression spell.
?I couldn't do it Sir,? he replied bravely. ?The man was innocent, and everyone in The Order knows it, apart from you it seems.?
?Innocent or not, your orders were to treat him as a normal prisoner, and you disobeyed me. I thought your past would have taught you to act differently Valk.?
It was assured, he would be back where he had been years ago for aiding Cyanite. If he had just done as he had been told he could have been at home with his family enjoying a hot dinner and a drink. Perhaps even a special surprise in bed, but now he was face to face with the Captain and about to be sentenced to maybe double the time of torture he had been sentenced to previously.
?You're right Sir,? Valk nodded. ?Those were my orders, but perhaps I didn't feel like following them.?
Swinging his sword into a defensive position, he prepared for one of the hardest battles he would ever face. The Captain wasn't the Captain fr nothing. His prowess in war was incredible, and his brute strnegth had been further enhanced by an enchantment weaved by the Varlerian herself. As he took one step forwards, a sharp pain struck him in the back and knocked him to the ground. On his knees, he turned his head around and spat at the feet of the one he saw. Neecrow stood above him smirking, his dagger buzzing with sparks of violet energy.
?Ha!? Laughed the Captain once as he saw the anger on Valk's face. ?I suppose you didn't expect that. Allow me to explain. The Order is about to undergo some serious changes. Changes that I'm sure you wouldn't like Enforcer Valk Kamazkasaythe. That is why I had all of this set up. The assasination of the previous Captain. Me discovering you in his office at the time. Your imprisonment and torture. The recollection of Cyanite. You having to torture him yourself. Cataraycte being imprisoned only a short distance away. You unleashing your rage upon him instead of Cyanite. Everything. Cataraycte never suspected a thing of course. Do you understand now??
Valk looked sickly up at the Captain and then at Neecrow. What was so special about him? Why had they chosen him to be betrayed?
?No, I don't. Why is it that you need to get rid of me Captain? Surely there's others that disagree with this.?
?Of course there are. But none are so fiercely loyal to The Order's cause, and that cause is about to change. Plus, I have information that says you could become dangerous in the future if we let you run free.?
?The Varlerian.? Valk mumbled darkly under his breath. ?What crap has she written up this time??
?Nothing that interests you,? Neecrow butted in. ?Now get on your feet. You're about to remember what it feels like to have those clamps on again.?
?Ars*hole,? Valk hissed as he reached for his sword that lay only a foot away from him. Swiftly he grasped it's hilt and swept it in an ark across the floor, slicing through Neecrow and the guard's ankles, but narrowly missing the Captain's. Leaping up from the floor, he darted towards the drain and pushed the only one who had not fallen out of his path. Before anyone could react he fell into the drain and tumbled down until he crashed down into a pool of human blood. Far above he could hear the others swearing angrily. The system of sewers he had just entered was like a maze. If he made haste he sould escape before anyone came down to search for him. The liquid surrounding him reached up to his thighs, and so he could not run or even walk too quickly, and with the cursed wound he had recieved in his back, he knew he would have to leave as soon as possible.

For hours he struggled painfully through the horrendous tunnels of stench and darkness. After a while his eyes had accustomed slightly to the lack of light and he could vaguely see the arched walls and steel gateways that formed his path. After so long wading there had been no sign of anyone following him, but he had kept his senses alert just in case. Rats and maggots were the least of his worries.

Almost a day in the underground systems had passed until Valk finally heard something that made his heart beat faster. He could hear a voice ahead mumbling dark words. Whether it was good or bad, Valk did not care, another person could possibly know their way through the labyrinth.
?Help me out of here or have a massive sword driven down your throat,? Valk gasped as he turned a corner and found the voice he had heard. Lying against the wall of the sewer was the shadow of a man with only his chest and head above the river of infinite body fluid. Valk could not recall so many people being tortured even since he had been born. The Order had obviously been full of conspiracies since the very beginning.
?Who is it?? The lone man replied tiredly. Valk instantly recognised the voice and sighed with relief.
?Cyanite, it's me Valk. What the bloody hell are you resting for??
?It's hopeless,? was his answer. ?I've been wondering around for ages and I've found no way to escape. But it seems we weren't the only ones to try and get out this way,? he explained as he lifted his arms out of the water. In his left hand he held a large, round, golden shield. It's edges were chipped and it's colour dulled, but it was as strong as ever. In his right hand was a twisted, short sword, it's edge also chipped away but still deadly, and probably poisonous from lying in the blood filled sewers.
?Right,? Valk spat, also sitting down at Cyanite's side. ?It's hopeless alright. Today has been too much for me. The Order's truly f*cked and has been since I was born into it.?
Cyanite shrugged and rested his head against the concrete whilst shutting his eyes. Seconds later he swore loudly and plunged his hand into the blood.
?Dirty sh*tty rats,? he grumbled as he bit his lip. ?They've been driving me bonkers for hours. Every few minutes one comes by,and there all going the same bloody way. Why did I have to choose to rot in their path.?
Valk shrugged back in silence at Cyanite and gave his complaining no thought, until an idea struck him.
?They must be hungry if they're biting you,? he pointed out, his mood lighter now. ?And if they can't eat you then they'll probably be heading somewhere else, where there's food. If we follow them we might just find a way out.?
Cyanite looked him in they eye and gasped before hugging Valk with considerable strength for a wounded man under the Life Curse.
?I could kiss you mate.?
?Don't! Or you'll regret that I ever came.?
Getting up as fast as they could, they looked around to see any sign of rats. Every now and then one ran along a small platform that ran along the edge of the wall. Each one that passed was headed in the same direction.
About thirty minutes following them and they finally saw a shaft of light in the distance. Though dim it blinded them and left them stuned, but only hastened their pace as they tried desperately to reach the source as soon as possible.
When they reached it they found a rotting corpse, covered by hundreds of feeding rats. From the looks of things he had fallen from through the drain above their heads. And it seemed luck was on their side. For leading up to the barred manhole was a rusted ladder.
?I thank God for this,? Cyanite said almost crying as he hoisted himself up the steps first, followed closely by Valk. After a few bashes from his shield, the drain's cover fell away and left them with an exit from the sewers and into a secluded room from the rest.
?F*cking yes!? Cyanite beamed as happily as he could. ?The Order's treasure vault.?
All around them were high piles of gold pieces and precious artefacts. Even the floor was paved with gold tiles, and the walls were lined with diamond stones. Whilst Cyanite basked in the glory of having found infinite riches out of pure luck, Valk seemed much more interested in one gem that sat in one of the many piles of valuable objects. It was a light shade of blue, and had no perfect shape, it was merely a shard. But what Valk saw was not it's value, but a strange swirling mist inside.
?Cyanite, get over here and take a look at this.? Valk called without taking his eyes off the stone. The other hesitated in coming over, but eventually did, and was equally mesmerized by what Valk now held in his hands.
?Is that rock what I think it is?? He said, trying to keep calm without shouting with delight.
?I think it is Cya, I think we've just found a Varlerian Soulstone.?
Grasping it in his palm tightly, he shut his eyes. Cyanite seemed to understand what he was doing and kept completely silent. For roughly a minute Valk did not move or speak whilst Cyanite hovered over his shoulder like a small child. Unable to contain himself, he spoke excitedly.
?Does it work??
As if waking up from a dream, Valk nodded and handed it to Cyanite. His wounds barely seemed to bother him over the strange emotion of happiness he felt now.
?I heard the voice Cya. I didn't understand a word, but it was so pure. If that's not a Varlerian Soulstone then I don't know what it is. You know what they say about them.?

Varlerian Soulstones were legendary gems of which only a few existed. Varlerians had been an enchanted race long ago, powerful enough to defeat Spartzan and his power, for he had been a Varlerian himself. Once he had seperated from his own race in a quest for power, he had started a war between himself and his old companions tens of thousands years ago, in a time of no technological development, but a time where magic was common and much greater than the era of Valk. Spartzan somehow came across an unknown power and rose above all around him. Wishing to end his reign, the Varlerians formed an organization that became known as The First Order.
Spartzan won, and took the lives of almost the entire Varlerian race, leaving only a few survivors. With their numbers depleting their spell casting abilities were also drained, and over evolution they began to reproduce as ordinary men and women. Still wishing to fight on, the Varlerians enlisted the help of their weaker and shorter lived offspring to from The Second Order. Once again they failed and soon began to realise that they would all be wiped out if war enraged once more. And so, they used the end of their power to seal their bodies away in crystal prisons and their souls in gems so they they could be infinitely protected from Spartzan's wrath.
The High Overlord managed to find some of these bodies and souls, and eliminated them from the face of the earth without questioning his actions. Eventually the humans realised that the only way to defeat Spartzan was by using the power Varlerians, and decided to hide them. One group that had chosen to protect a trapped Varlerian body had created an underground world where she would be perfectly hidden from the rest of the world. This assosiation soon became The Third Order, and managed to free a small portion of the trapped Varlerian's power from her body, allowing her to cast her weakest of spells and transmit her thoughts into an enchanted book at her feet. In this book of constantly changing thoughts, The Third Order discovered that by reuniting the crystalised bodies with their imprisoned souls the Varlerians could be resurrected to fight once again agaist Spartzan. The only way to recognise one of these gems, was by listening intently to the song of sadness sung by the frozen Varlerian's soul.

?So we had the body and the soul all in one place?? Cyanite said to Valk, hoping for an answer to explain the situation.
?No one just misplaces a Varlerian Soulstone,? Valk grunted. ?The Captain chose not to bring her back for a reason. But I can't see why. Doing so would have given us a great advantage in our fight agaisnt Spartzan. But I suppose it's too late to go back and ask.?
Taking the stone back from Cyanite he stuffed it into his clothed trousers and looked for an exit. Like most high security chambers, the entrance was heavily fortified by lava portals and levered platforms. These posed no threat to Valk or Cyanite, but the fact that guards would be patrolling everywhere for the, did. They would have no choice but to head back into the sewers.




So people, any speculatons on what's happening?

bump for tom

Cheers, now you just need to read it.

Chapter 6: A Reason For Everything

After thoroughly searching the golden room for an exit, Valk sat down against a pile of diamonds and sighed. It seemed that there was no choice. Their only option was to head back into the sewers.
?Bloody secret base designers,? he mumbled frustratedly. ?Couldn't they have made the place a little more easier to get around??
?I can't see how you're complaining in a situation like this,? Cyanite retorted. ?Here we are in a room full of money makers, with one of the most valuable and powerful jewels we're ever likely to find in our lives, and you're moaning. One of these days I'm going to make you smile without having to inflict pain on someone.?
Valk looked up at Cyanite and shook his head. There he was, coated in reeking human blood with an entire organization after his head, and he was trying to make him feel happy.
?I might cheer up a bit if you shut your mouth,? he replied, with a thumbs up and a false smile. ?Good enough for you??
?Lighten up Valk. This place is full of magical artefacts. We're bound to find something to help us out. I mean, just from coming in here you've found a Varlerian Soulstone. There's bound to be other powerful objects hidden in these piles.?
Listening to Cyanite, Valk looked at the floor in thought and finally turnec back to his cheerful companion.
?I suppose you're right Cya. There must be something. Get digging!?
Cyanite stared back at him and in the end merely shrugged before wandering off to the nearest heap of valuables. As he scavenged through the jewels and weapons, throwing them aside as if they were rubbish, he picked up anything that stood out. Most times they were mere objects of value, but he occasionally found something with slight magical abilities. His experimenting proved to have many results.
The first object he found had launched a jet of molten flame across the floor and had melted many coins and antiques along it's path. This was one thing he decided to keep.
The second had eveloped him in a thick cloud of gas which had knocked him out cold. To bring him back Valk had resorted to punching him hard in the nose several times.
The third had frozen his hand. Out of fear of shattering it completely, Cyanite had used the first gem he had found to melt it, but only managed to succeed in scarring his hand with serious burns. It was then that he threw it against a wall in anger and broke it in two.
The fourth hadn't seemed like much in the beginning. But when Cyanite threw it aside in counter-attacked by letting loose a jet of electricity into his torso more than once.
The fifth proved to be significantly more useful. When he grasped it in his hand it glowed dimly before flashing brightly and further illuminating the room until Cyanite let go.
?I'm sick of this Valk. Let's just make do with what we've found and leave. Getting frozen, burnt and electrocuted is pretty tiring. And my face bloody hurts after you helping me.?
?I think you should carry on Cyanite. It's quite amusing.?
?Whatever,? Cyanite spat as he slumped to the floor opposite Valk. ?I'm glad you found it funny.?
?So am I. But perhaps you've got something right for the first time in your life. We have a light, so we might just be able to find our way through those tunnels easier. Let's move.?
Valk stood up and yawned deeply. Watching Cyanite and his failures had made himntired, but he couldn't risk staying in one place for too long, so urging Cyanite down the ladder, he followed suit and shut the drain over his head.

?Put the light on then!? Valk ordered as he reached the bottom of the ladder to find Cyanite already walking ahead. As the the darkness flickered away he saw that the tunnels weren't actually that bad looking. White and blue tiling lined the walls with candle holders sitting a little higher abover their heads.
?Looks like this place was used a while back,? Cyanite pointed out. ?Which means there must be some way up to the surface somewhere. What do you think Valk??
?I think you should shut your gob and keep moving. I can't stand being here any longer in this **** hole.?
As they waded through the river of blood they maintained silence and kept there eyes open for any sign of a possible exit. Many times they were dissapointed, until Valk sudden stopped in his tracks.
?Hear that?? he asked quietly.
?No!? Cyanite answered simply as he looked around trying to see what may have caught Valk's attention.
?Someone's singing,? Valk explained. ?And pretty well too. How can you not hear that? It's getting louder.?
Cyanite shrugged as an answer and looked in confusin at Valk.
?Have you finally snapped??
?No, twat. There's someone...,? Valk stopped mid-sentence and reached into his legwear. After fumbling around he brought the Soulstone back out. ?It's this thing.?
Cyanite leaned up close to the gem and pressed his ear to it's surface. Seconds later he withdrew away from Valk and shook his head.
?Are you sure that you're okay Valk??
Valk then tossed the stone over to Cyanite. The moment it left his palm the sound stopped and silence insued. Meanwhile, Cyanite held the Soulstone and was nodding.
?Hear it now??
?I hear it,? Cyanite responded. For a few minutes he listened to the song with a smale, until his expression suddenly dropped.
?What's the matter? Is something wrong??
?****! The song's stopped.?
?Give it here. One thing happens and you screw it up somehow,? Valk said angrily to Cyanite as he took it from his grasp and listened. ?Well done mate. You've truly gone and ****** it up.
Moments later a new song started, sung with the same tone but further away and with a different melody. Valk bit his lip as he tried to think of a reason for what was happening.
?Anything changed?? Cyanite inquired hopefully.
?Someone else is singing. It's coming from just down this swer line,? Valk explained, pointing down another tunnel to their right. ?And the only relation I can think of that has anything to do with this stone is the Varlerian. So it could be her.?
?It's more than likely Valk. Think we should go check??
?Well I do. But you should go first, just in case,? Valk said as he pushed Cyanite ahead towards the direction of the noise. As the followed the song, it stopped, and moments later Valk heard the stone he held begin to emit the same song it had sung previously. ?We must be close. Keep going.?

Minutes later they reached the end of the tunnel, where an enormous wooden wall blocked their path. Whilst Cyanite stared at it in confusion, Valk swung at it with his sword and instantly smashed a hole straight through. As he peeked through he saw a book fall away from where he had struck.
?It's a bookcase. Cya! Help me break this down!?
Taking a swing at it with his newly found sword, Cyanite bashed the barricade as hard as he could and succeeded in causing a wall of thick books to crumble on top of him.
?I'm tired of bookcases falling on me,? he mumbled as he threw the books away and stood. ?Anything in there??
Valk stepped over him and entered the room that they had just opened up. It was as he thought. There, before him, trapped in a large, rigid, transparent crystal was the lifeless body of the female Varlerian. At it's feet was the book that everyone in The Order knew of, and kneeled before it was a member of The Order, currently unaware of their presence.
?He must be trying to get a spell out of her,? Cyanite said obviously. Valk looked at him mockishly and then made his way over to the kneeled man. Taking out his sword, he decapitated him swiftly and kicked the body out of the way before picking the sharp pin he had held and kneeling in front of the book. Writing on it's pages were the only way of comunicating with the Varlerian, and with no ink one had to improvise. So digging it into his palm, he leaned over to a now blank page and began to write.
Varlerian. Hearing your song we have been lead to you with your Soulstone in our possession. Is it your wish that we free you from your prison?
Valk kneeled at the naked female's feet and waited patiently for an answer. It was one of the few times when he would tolerate waiting for someone else, and by doing so, he hoped that the Varlerian would eventually answer him. In a dark blue and difficult to read style, a new text began to appear before his eyes.
Human warrior Valk. You have been betrayed by those who controlled you, and in doing so they have freed you. It was I that saw you releasing my body and soul, and I was obliged in telling your leader in hope that it would lead you to me. Offer up my stone to me!
Obediently, Valk took the gem out of his cloths and held it up to the enormous crystal. Moments later he was blinded by a bright flash that illuminated the room with a divine light of pure whiteness. When it finally subsided the woman stood d before him smiling, the crystal and the gem now no longer in sight.
?Nice!? Cyanite nodded as he looked at the slender female's curves. Blonde, straight hair reached down to her waist and was only slightly brighter than her incredibly pale skin.
?Do you ever shut up?? Valk said angrily to Cyanite as he continued to kneel before her. At the Varlerian's command he stood her and bowed his head.
?Thank you, Valk Kamazkasaythe. In freeing me you have completed the goal that I foresaw. Many years ago it was that I saw you being tortured during your innocence. Though I could, I did not tell your Captain for this reason. For this I apologize.?
Valk grinded his teeth. All that time he had suffered when he could have been free. But the wishes of the Varlerians far surpassed his own, and for now he would except it.
?No matter.? he replied, trying hard to smile.
?I am glad that you have taken this well. But there is more I must tell you. Before you were even born, we Varlerians saw that the one that freed the first of us would free the others also. Through the melody of the Soulstones we have spoken and have decided that you shall be the one to liberate us.?
?Wait a bloody minute,? Cyanite butted in. ?He's just got you out of that crystal and now you're telling him to go off on a journey to look for more rocks and frozen people from long ago? You're joking right??
?No, Cyanite Suictrite, I am not. We Varlerians have for long been superior to you humans and were the founders of the First Order. Valk Kamazkasaythe is still a member of this Order, and so is under my command.?
?No, hold on,? Said Valk to the both of them. ?I only came to free you so that I could ask for the spell to be removed from Cya here and to ask for a little power. That's all. I didn't come here to be sent off on a journey.?
The Varlerian looked Valk sternly in the eye and sighed. In the past, humans had followed every order given by a Varlerian without question. It seemed times had changed.
?In return for your aid, we will give you the power you desire to defeat your Captain, and the traitor Neecrow. But as of yet, Cyanite Suictrite has done nothing to deserve the removal of his curse, and I shall do nothing. Valk Kaazkasaythe, hold out your blade!?
Looking back confusedly at the Varlerian, Valk lifted his sword up to the woman, only for her to cut her finger on the tip as she ran her thin hand along it's surface.
?Wait, what are you doing??
?I do not posses the ability to endow you with strength. But I can enchant you and your blade witht his spell. The spell that sealed away our souls in their stones,? As she spoke, the blood trickling down the steel began to for inscriptions until it reached the hilt. ?By taking the life of another their power will be trapped in your blade and will become yours to wield. This will aid you in your quest to help us and in your own quest.?
Valk nodded and looked thankfully at the woman.
?So by killing someone I'll be able to take their power? Is that it??
?Indeed.?
Smiling proudly, Valk swiftly swung his sword back and plunged it into the chest of the Varlerian, locking her to the wall as it burst out of her back and impaled itself into the concrete. Cyanite merely watched in shock as Valk spoke.
?Over two years I was in that chamber suffering for your little prophecy, and now you want to send me away to help all the rest of you? The Order betrayed me, and as my leader, I have the right to ******* kill you.?
The Varlerian fell to her knees and stared up at Valk in fury, unable to protect herself.
?You fool. For this you shall pay. You humans need the power of us Varlerians to defeat Spartzan. In taking my life you have doomed us all to his reign.
?I don't care about Spartzan anymore. With your power I'll kill the Captain and end the Order. This is the last straw.? Valk replied furiously, his pupils burning with anger.
?You will only gain a portion of my ability, Valk Kamazkasaythe. You humans are weak, and by mingling our blood you have contaminated mine.?
?Then I guess I'll have to kill a whole lot of you then won't I?? Valk smirked as he withdrew the stained sword from her chest and splattered her blood over his knees. As her body fell backwards he delivered a swift kick to her head and felt a new power surging through him. Heading for the reinforced door that blocked the entrance, he exhaled deeply and turned around to Cyanite.
?You planning on sticking with me on this??
?Of course I am, where else can I go?? He said as he ran over to where Valk was standing.
?Good, I didn't want to have to kill you too.?


And there we have it.

« Last edited by Cataclysm on Sep 4th 2007 »

Ummm... A quest to get all the shards and bodies back? Anyway, pretty well written, and you're doing a pretty good job on splitting you're dialogue. Keep it up!

I trust you haven't read the chapter I just posted then.

Sorry, it was a late post. I meant it in response to you're question in the chapter before it. Good chapter, a bit cruel, but well written. Once again, a few minor typoes, but nothing major, and I remember that you have no spell check of any kind.

You have a sick mind, you know that?

This is better than I expected, to be honest, but I feel that you really need to get to a place that has Word or something. Aside from that, I'll be along for the next chapter, just to see what happens.

New chapter for all of ye readers.

Chapter 7: The Desperation Of Final Moments

?Did you hear that??
?Nope.?
Military personnel had been patrolling the entire Order's underground world since Valk and Cyanite had escaped, and had been ordered to kill on site. All but the main guards were searching the area, leaving very few to protect the high security areas, such as the Varlerian's vault.
?You must have heard it.?
?Afraid not mate.?
Two of the guards now stood outside the vault, both armed with spears and shields. Their shift was coming to an end, and they were eager to get down to the tavern where they would drink themselves silly. As one yawned, a heavy pound was heard from inside the vault.
?There it is again!? Exlaimed one of the guards, turning to face the vault door. It was an incredibly large, steel circle, reinforced and locked using numerous mechanisms. Only those granted access by the guards outside could enter.
?Yeah, I heard it. Think we should check??
Before the other could reply, a gaping hole was smashed through the door from the inside, sending shards of metal into the walls, and the bodies of those protecting it.
?What the **** was that?? Panted the protector as he grasped a deep wound that had just been opened on his right arm. As they both stared through the hole, the figure of Cyanite appeared, strolling out casually.
?Now that looks a bit painful! Sorry guys.? he chuckled. Using his free arm, one of the guards lunged at Cyanite with his spear. His target parried the attack with his sword before bringing his shield around forcefully into the wounded man's nose. Blood sprayed upwards as the fragile bone was shattered upon contact with the heavy object. As the guard fell to the ground, Cyanite kicked him in the ribs and and brought his sword down into the fallen man's back. The strike had obviously pierced something important, for the guard had stopped moving and now lay flat on his stomach.
Merely watching, the other attempted to stagger away, only to knock into Valk as he turned around.
?You don't have to kill me. I'll let you go.? he stuttered hopelessly. In response, Valk simply shook his head.
?I'm afraid I'm going to need all the power I can get.? he shrugged as he stabbed the whimpering man through the stomach. Just like before, Valk felt strength flow through his veins, yet unlike when he had taken the life of the Varlerian, the power was weaker.
?What now Valk?? Cyanite asked curiously. ?Got a plan??
?First of all,? Valk said calmly. ?I'm impressed. I didn't think you could fight at all. Still painful??
?Nothing like before,? Cyanite replied happily. Before leaving the vault, Valk had tried out his new power. After seeing his own cuts seal up into scars, he had attempted to cure Cyanite of his wounds too. Although unable to remove the curse, he had succeeded in relieving Cyanite of the pain he had had previously been feeling. ?Cheers for that.?
?No problem. And yes, I do have a plan. My main target is the Captain, and Neecrow. But I fear we might have to leave this place soon afterwards. Which is why first, I recommend we head back home. I doubt they'll spot us amongst the crowds in the centre cavern, so we won't have much to worry about. Get back to your family, have a nice meal, tell them you've been sent on a mission and meet me near the Captain's quarters in two hours.?
?But won't our families know about our expulsion??
?Civilians are never told anything. If they knew half of what went on in our lives they would throw a fit. Now get going!?
Cyanite nodded and ran off. They were standing in a dark corridor that lead to a dead end. It was directly connected to the central cavern, like most other areas, so as Cyanite headed away, Valk followed suit, walking casually.
Minutes later he reached the centre. Like always it was bustling with activity. His blood stained clothes wouldn't stand out either, for members of The Order were used to seeing wounded and dirty warriors pass through. As he pushed his way through, he kept his eye out for any patrolling soldiers, always heading away if they came into view. Only fifteen minutes later, he arrived at the entrance to living quarters. Inside were hundred upon hundreds of small wooden houses, terraced equally in one, almost unending line. Cave ins were common, and many houses were often crushed due to the fragile design and cramped size. More than anything, they were huts with three rooms. It didn't take long for Valk to arrive at his own home. Like always, the door was open. Those of The Order had no reason to fear theft, for such an act was punishable by Life Curse torture, like most other crimes. Though thankfully, they wouldn't be able to curse anyone else Valk thought. As he entered, he immediately saw Ruline as she ran up to him and jumped into his arms.
?You've been gone for days. Where were you??
?You know, the usual, planning operations,? he lied merrily. ?It's nice to see you too. How are the kids??
?Oh, they're fine,? Ruline replied. She had short, brown hair that reached her chin in length. She was slightly shorter than Valk and had more than a few freckles on her face. There was an eight year age difference between them, making her nineteen and Valk twenty-seven. Like most other women of The Order, she was thin due to their small diets, and wore slightly torn, ragged clothes. Only the few women with paying jobs ate or wore anything better. ?They're sleeping right now. So that means we get some alone time Valk.? she said with a smirk. Valk smiled back kindly and let go of her, giving her a kiss on the lips. Not answering, he made his way over to a basket on the floor. Looking inside, he sighed as he saw what had been left for him. Left at the bottom was one bruised apple. Taking it out, he took a bite and turned back to Ruline.
?I would love to. Really. But I just can't. I've been called out again. So a decent meal would have been nice.
?Sorry Valk,? she responded glumly. ?I didn't know when you were due back, so, I couldn't really head out for any food. But I know something else you can eat.?
?Like I said, not now,? Valk chuckled. ?Mind telling me how long I've been gone??
Ruline sighed at Valk's reply before nodding as she began to think.
?Well, you left on Wednesday, and today's Friday, so that means you've been gone... two days I think.?
?Well done Ru, didn't take you too long this time. And speaking of time, you had better leave. I appreciate you looking after the kids, but my wife will be back soon. So if you know what I mean... scram!?
?Yes,Valk,? Ruline snorted. ?Last time you didn't just tell me to clear off. You were pretty eager.? she taunted as Valk shut the door behind her. After finishing his horrible apple and throwing the core outised, he went in to see his children, Kila and Zyro. Both of them were, as Ruline had said, sleeping. Valk sighed as he stared at them both before turning around and waiting in the main area. It wasn't long before his wife, Failen, arrived. Gretting her with a kiss on the cheek, he headed into their bedroom and sat down and the bed. They were very basic, made of straw with a few layers of cloth wrapped around. The pillows were made in the same way, so fire was an extreme hazard in The Order.
?How's it been going then Valk?? she said with a faint smile. She was much older than Ruline, three years older than Valk, and her age had began to show. Already her skin had began to wrinkle and her hair had become wiry. Unlike Ruline her's was black, and was slightly longer. Apart from that they were the same; thin and dressed in tattered rags.
?Not bad. Just work. Like normal. What about you Fai??
?Same. Ru's been looking after the kids a lot lately. Did you see her earlier??
?Nope,? Valk shrugged. ?How has she been doing? Good??
As Failen opened her mouth to respond, a loud crash could be heard from the other room. Valk immediately ran out to see three guards in the main entrance to his home. Outside stood the Captain, with another three guards at his side.
?Captain! He's in here, just as you said. What are your orders?? Shouted one of the men in the house.
?Kill him!? The Captain replied angrily. ?And don't let him get away. Use the children if you have to.?
Valk charged forwards at the nearest guard to him and swung his blade through the man's stomack like a knife through butter. His added strength hadn't given him as much power as he had wished for, but enough to defeat any other members of The Order with ease. As his victim collapsed, another swept at Valk's feet with his longsword. Jumping slightly, he avoided the swing and answered the attack with a punch in the ribs followed by a swift decapitation. Without fear, the third guard leapt him and swung his blade down vertically. Valk sidestepped the strike and stabbed rapidly at the other's neck. With equal agility, his opponent ducked under his blade and took advantage of the opportunity to blindly swing his sword at Valk. The swing connected, and the edge sliced through Valk's leg.
?*******!? Valk shouted as he placed his free hand over the wound. As he removed his palm, the cut healed rapidly, allowing him to deliver his enemy a swift kick to the stomach before outstretching his left arm. From the tip of his finger leapt and jolt of violet energy that knocked the guard of his feet. Without hesitating, Valk ran over to him and plunged his blade into the man's chest, his strength increasing slightly once again.
He then stepped outside to face The Captain. Just as his protectors prepared to charge at Valk, The Captain stretched out both of his arms at his sides to prevent their advance. On his face he wore a smirk that his guards sson took notice of. They quickly stepped back and made their way over to the living quarter's entrance.
?Seems like the Varlerian has aided you. Surprising, but only a small thorn in my plans,? The Captain said calmly. Valk merely stood in his doorway panting, his energy drained after the previous encounter. Though thanks to the Varlerian's power, he felt his strength rapidly coming back.
?The Varlerian is dead Captain,? Valk retorted. For a moment, The Captain's sneer flickered. ?The Order will not stand a chance against Spartzan now.?
The Captain's smirk instantly returned. Stepping forwards, he laughed slightly and shook his head at Valk.
?You don't understand a single thing do you. This isn't just about you. In this equation you are nothing but collateral to me. Whether you live or not really has no effect on my intentions.?
?And what about the Varlerain's prophecy you spoke of?? Valk responded as he clenched his fist. This wasn' t the response he had wanted.
?I do not believe in what a trapped woman may say. It was my Master's wish to have you taken and killed, as it his wish for me to take care of you personally now.?
Valk lowered one eyebrow before stepping back in shock of what was occuring. His previous Captain had crossed his arms across his chest and had shut his eyes. Seconds later his entire torso had begun to bulge, his muscles had began to expand and his size had begun increase. Slowly his, armour cracked and fell away from his body. The clothes arounf his legs were stretched to the point of ripping, and only his cape remained. Veins ran across his entire body and looked as if they were about to burst as he finally stopped growing and looked down at Valk. He stood over ten foot tall and on his arms had appeared two silver gauntlets. Even with the power of the Varlerian, Valk knew he was in for a rough time.
The Varlerian is dead. How is this possible? Valk thought as the immense beast of a man advanced towards him.
?Now you shall face the true power of Captain Spinal of The Third Order. Take up your blade Valk Kamazkasaythe, and fight!?

« Last edited by Cataclysm on Sep 15th 2007 »

Confusingness!

I don't understand Valk's motives. Is he trying to become powerful enough to kill Spartzan, or what? Oh well, guess I'll have to come back for the next bit!

Valk doesn't care about Spartzan anymore. After being betrayed by his best mate and his old boss, he just wants the power to get his revenge on them. Sorry if I didn't make that clear.

Besides, it's supposed to be a little confusing at the moment. I haven't properly developed the plot into full swing yet.

« Last edited by Cataclysm on Sep 16th 2007 »